It is much more typical when, at the end of a candlelit dinner, he takes you to his bedroom to enjoy fascinating details of the life of the meerkats on the Discovery Channel. You can be offended, they say, why my husband lost the desire for sex. And you can think a little, turn on the fantasy, drop the embarrassment and ignite with renewed force the faded desire of the beloved.
As soon as the first passion subsides, the roles of sexual partners appear, as if stones are thrown through the water after low tide. And sex turns into a production number, staged for a long time. Someone takes the initiative, someone responds, someone hints, and someone unravels the charades, someone tries to always be on top. The problem is that the pleasure from the correct execution of its "party" is of a completely different kind than that which real closeness brings. To play and feel are two different things. Do not be afraid to look stupid, fear mockery or worry that a partner can condemn, lose interest - this is the usual train of thought. While the passive participant is limited to his own psychological "zamorochki", the one who constantly has to come up with the initiative, falls into desperation, trying to understand if they want anything from him at all.
Originally from childhood
Roles and even the "right of the first move" are often distributed in much the same way as household duties and psychological attitudes in a pair. The only difference is that the discussion, to whom to wash the dishes, goes with much more frankness than talking about sex. So many are forced to look for workarounds. According to psychotherapists, one of the most common causes of misunderstanding is that we misread "read" each other's sexual signals. Few people know that the idea of sex and sex appeal itself are laid with us even in early childhood. The main thing here is the image of parents or close relatives of the opposite sex. For example, if your man was brought up by a mother-householder: warm, cozy, in soft slippers, then this ideal of a woman sits firmly in his head. And this is also transferred to the sex life. A woman in his understanding should be simple, domestic, kind. If you are bright, loving yourself in all respects, then you will have problems. As a result, your subconscious mind stores diametrically opposed models of sexual attractiveness. You run off work early to dress up and make up for the arrival of her husband, and he sees you at the parade, perceives this as a kind of sign of rejection. After all, for him, a bright suit - a signal that you need to go somewhere. As a result, you spend the evening in a restaurant, come back after midnight, and next morning you - in a dressing gown and without makeup - suddenly become for him incredibly desirable, although you yourself do not like it in this kind of "disassembled" form. What here sex! You refuse him, and then wonder why her husband eventually lost the desire for sex. Is it any wonder that the exemplary mothers of families, and fathers, too, on the side allow themselves much more than in the matrimonial bedroom. Tired of the role-playing game, we are looking for someone with whom we could open, although first of all it is an attempt to find contact with itself. Such as you are.
What could be the problem
1. YOU ALWAYS APPEARING THE INITIATIVE. Well, you must pay tribute to your courage. However, from the feeling of confusion and loneliness, courage will not protect. He may not reject you, but if he himself almost never wants sex, you begin to doubt your own attractiveness. However, do not hurry to suspect him of a service romance. It is better to think about the fact that the sexuality of a couple is nothing more than a consequence of psychological relationships. If the spouses in all try to compete among themselves, there is a risk that sex will also resemble a fighting clash. If the husband and wife profess equality and brotherhood, they are doomed to sexuality of teddy bears - tender, but devoid of real eroticism. According to experts, a woman leader from time to time should show submission in everyday life in order to support her husband's desire for sex. Sometimes it's even worth portraying it.
2. YOU ARE TOO MUCH EARLY RECEIVED TO PUT INTO THE MAN. If a lady who has been brought up in strict traditions wants sex, all she will decide to do is hug her husband, and no more. In the depths of the soul, such a woman is afraid of showing herself to her husband cheeky. One psychologist brings a case from his practice when, on her advice, one of these modest women asked her husband to play her role, that is, to wait quietly until she herself asked for sex. A month later she wrote a note: "Let's go to bed right now" - and left in a prominent place. And although the heroine of this story did not turn overnight into a confident and uninhibited seductress, after that first note, the couple felt that their desire was reborn as they did not dare to dream. The man showed patience, the woman - courage, and both were rewarded with a new quality of both sex and relationships.
3. SEXU WITH YOU HE PREVIEWS PORN. That's always the case. With you, he is tenderness, and under the lid of the piano dust collects porn magazines and a collection of CDs about some wild mares. Return the "trophies" to their original place and do not even think about making jokes about this! Better say goodbye to the habit of always taking care of propriety. Do not be afraid that a person seeking solace in such products, will condemn you for "cheeky behavior." No, just approve. Of course, if your companion likes "hot", you do not need to go to him about and appear in the matrimonial bedroom in the uniform of a nurse. Striptease on the kitchen table, by the way, is also canceled.
Just think about how his reluctance to share his fantasies with his wife speaks of a lack of emotional intimacy and human trust between you. Does he tell you how his day went? Does he share his observations about people and life? Perhaps your conversations have recently been turned only around everyday topics?
How to rewrite the script
Habit - second nature? Of course no! However, according to sexologists, a sharp change is not the best way out. If he knows you as a sensitive and delicate person, he is unlikely to be pleased if he finds a black-and-white tiger with a whip one evening. Therefore, before proceeding to the destruction of the established scenario, tune into a confidential conversation.
GO TO THE QUESTION WITH ALL CAUTION. No matter how scrupulously you voice the problem - the very fact of its existence will inevitably cause grief. So do not talk about problems, just share your desires and fantasies. Preface phrases that may seem to be harsh, positive messages: "I was so glad when you unexpectedly hugged me yesterday morning, but ..."
LIBERATE FROM PASSIVE. Choose a positive sample for your new role: someone very attractive, self-confident, bright. Imagine how your idol shows sexual initiative, and borrow this style.
FANTASY. Imagine what a passionate, determined, in short, ideal seductress, and decide how to share these vivid fantasies with a partner. Perhaps, they will like both of you, and you will have fun, coming up with suitable suits and props.
DISCONNECT HEAD. During sex, focus on your body and senses for as long as you need to feel pleasure. Instead of reflecting on the topic: "Is sex too much time? And I do not need orgasm ", fix those sensations that wake up in your agitated body. Experiment, try it. It is useful to become a leader in a sex game, at least once. Choose the time and place, think about what and how you want to do.
LONG TIME SCHEDULE. Is it possible that her husband lost the desire for sex because of the measured, predictable sex on schedule? If the reason lies here, it's probably not worth talking about, just make it clear that you are set up for sex on any day that is not foreseen in the schedule. Sometimes the spontaneity and unaccustomedness of the moment is all that is needed.
REMEMBER that only those who ventured to throw off the mask, intimate proximity allows you to really know yourself and your partner. Trust each other, because love is to open and reopen.