Little babies are small babies. Big kids ... Well, in general, we all know the ending. This folk wisdom has long haunted the parents of several generations. As soon as the child approaches adolescence, we quietly begin to panic. What will happen? Maybe in advance to look for a good child psychologist, or psychiatrist, or psychotherapist ... But in fact, it is most often required psychological help to parents of adolescents, and not their perfectly normal children.
The child enters the period of puberty: gradually the girl becomes a girl, the boy is a boy. Changes are visible from season to season and even occur before our eyes. In just a few months we see the physical changes that are taking place. The child becomes more closed and silent. Avoids the company of his parents, preferring to be alone in his room and listen to music. Parents in this case immediately rush to help their child, believing that "something is wrong with him." But no matter how you try to help - they get angry and shout out rudely: "Yes, I'm all right! Leave it! "Why? Yes, because they are really all right. We - parents should accept the fact that our children are no longer children and have the right to privacy. Yes, it sounds scary for many, especially those who are prone to hyper-care mothers. But this period is in the life of every child. At least, it should be. A teenager at some point just wants to stay alone and live independently of the parents.
The teenager wants to be an individual and different from the crowd. He does unusual things, looks for his own style in clothes, speaks a "different" language and many unique ideas arise in his head. At the same time, they are literally torn from the inside by thoughts and questions, the answers to which he seeks among friends and rarely addresses you. Why? Yes, again, because he wants to grow up. Independent life involves making decisions without parents, that is, independently. As if we did not feel offensive and cruel.
What are the main difficulties that parents of teenagers have to face?
1. Desire to be independent.
This is one of the main moments in the life of adolescents. They are less inclined to explain where they are and what they are doing, because very often it provokes a protest from us - parents. The curfew enrages and offends the grown up child. He perceives this as infringement in the rights. And in some ways he is right. Almost every parent, not finding his child at home at a certain time, panics. It takes a lot of attention and time to approach the situation as a whole, so as not to let the child feel restricted and limited. Remember - the more you forbid, the more they will hide from you. After all, we all know how sweet is the "forbidden fruit".
2. Sexual maturation.
This absolutely normal process often leads to stress for parents. In this respect, adolescents are very different. Someone ripens earlier, someone a little later. But there are basic sexual characteristics.
As a rule, puberty in boys is more violent. They are constantly tormented by the thought of sex, and they are ready to do anything to lose their innocence. This is an internal process at the hormone level, which the boy can not always handle himself. And is it necessary to cope? After all, this nature ordered so that the attraction arose in a certain period. So, so be it. Porn movies and masturbation are becoming an integral part of the life of young men. Many mothers, however, react to this hysterically and require their husbands (if any) "to explain to the boy that this is bad." In such cases it is not out of place to recall the psychological help to parents of adolescents. After all, such actions can lead to the formation of serious complexes and make the teenager even more closed and weak. Think well, before you doom your child to do this. Understand that all men in general are the same, and it is normal for them to think about sex and desire it.
For girls, the situation is more subtle. Each of us remembers how difficult it was to take this step - to decide on the closeness with a man. Girls do not have such a strong physical need to have sex at this age, but emotionally they experience the situation more deeply. As a rule, they fall in love with a boy who wants certain relationships. At this age, it often happens that way. The boy demands, and the girl agrees for fear of losing him. At this point, the proximity of a teenage girl to her mother is very important. After all, the consequences of intimacy in a girl can be much more serious than that of a teenage boy. You understand what is at stake. It is the mother who must explain to the daughter all the importance of this period, the importance of making such decisions. This does not mean that you should be informed to the smallest detail about everything that happens in the life of your daughter. And excessive care here, too, to anything. But you should know that in case of a problem you will be the first one to whom the girl will come to ask for advice. Scandals, prohibitions in this case do not help. It is important to be a friend to your daughter and be able to protect her from an error that can be very costly to her.
3. Roughness
Parents get used to affectionate children's "mommy" and "daddy" and then it's very difficult for them to part with it. We demand the same devotion and submissive submission, not wanting to understand that this humiliates the adult personality in the adolescent. The child protests, but does it not always correctly. He just wants to be heard and for this he tries to express himself as loudly as possible. Moreover, the less sensitive we are to them, the more violently they defend their wounded "I".
Any experiments of teenagers is a challenge to themselves, and only then to others. They do not do this to us for evil, they just want to learn what they can be capable of. Give them the opportunity to make a mistake! Let them try to pierce the tongue or make a tattoo - after a while they will understand how much it was necessary or not necessary for them. In the end, now you can fix almost any adolescent "stupidity". Tattoos easily and without a trace are reduced by the laser, scars are removed by plastic surgeons, hairdresses are put in order by stylists in good salons.
Every teenager must go through this difficult period. Happy are those parents, whose children have learned to solve their own problems. This will be a good help for them in the future. It is important that there is not a gap between you and the child due to constant scandals during this period. Be patient and forgiving. After a while your adult child will thank you.