Interpersonal relations in children's collective


Sometimes children are compared to angels. Sometimes they say that they are the flowers of life. But no less true is the claim that children are cruel. If you do not put them moral guidelines, then their behavior will differ little from the behavior of animals, and the school class will resemble a wolf pack ...

This is best written by the English writer William Gerald Golding in his famous novel The Lord of the Flies, which tells how the boys came to an uninhabited island and began to live there according to their children's (to be exact, not at all childish) laws. But this is fiction and grotesque: in real life everything, of course, is not so dramatic. But in fact, very similar. Sooner or later the child is among peers, so he has to experimentally learn interpersonal relationships in a children's team and learn how to earn his authority. Some children perfectly adapt in any new society: no matter how many they are transferred from school to school, no matter how many send to children's camps, everywhere they have crowds of friends and friends. But, unfortunately, not all kiddies are given such a gift of communication by nature. Many children experience difficulties in the process of adaptation, and sometimes they are in the role of a target for the emergence of aggression from peers (a kind of "whipping boy").

THE BABY DOES NOT WRITE IN THE COLLECTIVE

It is enough to start a class in one, let's say, an unhealthy child - and an unhealthy atmosphere of persecution is ensured. Such children feel the need to assert themselves at the expense of others: someone to offend and humiliate, set up some children against others (such as "Against whom we will be friends?"), Etc. As a result, their most vulnerable classmates suffer: benevolent, not accustomed to directional against them violence. Among them may be your child, so when entering the first class (or when transferring to a new school), the first time should be on the alert.

If you feel that at school the child may have problems with peers, it is better to work with him in advance and tell about simple techniques of "psychological aikido". What needs to be explained to the child so that he meets complex situations fully armed and out of them with dignity?

1. Conflicts are unavoidable

In life, the interests of people inevitably collide, so we need to calmly and philosophically treat the disputes that arise between them, trying to come to a consensus (that is, mutually beneficial agreement). For its part, it is necessary, if possible, not to run into a conflict (not to be intrusive, not to be mischievous and not to be greedy, not to brag and do not ask).

2. You can not like everything

As Ostap Bender said: "I'm not a chervonetz, that everyone likes." Instruct the child that it does not necessarily have to be loved by everyone and you should not try to please everyone. Moreover, it is inadmissible to curry favor with more authoritative children and try to win their respect by means of gifts, concessions and "podlizyvaniya."

3. Always defend yourself!

The child should know that aggression can not be resignedly resigned: if it was called or banged, it is necessary to give change. The Christian position of non-resistance "if you hit on the cheek - substitute another" in the children's team inevitably condemns the child to persecution.

4. Maintain neutrality

The ideal option is to have an equal relationship with everyone. Therefore, it is best not to support boycotts and not to take sides in disputes. It is not necessary to do this demonstratively: you can find a plausible excuse ("I need to study", "I have no right to interfere in the affairs of others).

HOME TASK FOR PARENTS

As a rule, if the child really does not get along well with peers, one talks here will not do. Parents should at the initial stage take all possible measures to make the child fit into the society. Talk to teachers about your child's problems and make them your allies.

* Make sure that your child does not seem to stand out very much from others.

* Try to provide the child with communication with classmates (invite them to visit, give the child to the extended day group, etc.).

* If the child has a non-standard appearance, it is necessary to prepare him morally to "attack" on the part of the children: psychologists advise in advance to come up with teasers and laugh at them together.

* If the child is undecided and does not know how to react quickly in difficult situations, you can rehearse them at home in the form of role-playing game ("you take things out," "tease you," etc.) and develop tactics of behavior.

"CHILDREN SHOULD WORK"

There is an opinion that adults should not interfere in the affairs of children: supposedly the child must himself learn to solve their problems. This is true far from all situations. First, the child must always feel your moral support. Secondly, you will be calmer if he becomes accustomed to sharing his experiences with you. Even if you do not personally interfere in any difficult situation, you can tell the child how to act.

"I DO NOT GIVE YOUR CHILD IN A FOOD"

What to do if the child is offended by peers and you know who did it? It would seem that the simplest way is to go and restore justice: to punish the offenders themselves. The child learns about this and will receive moral satisfaction. "I'm good, they are bad." Only now will such tactics benefit? Is it not better to try to solve the problem at the root: to explain to the child what he can do to prevent such a situation from repeating itself. Then the next time he will be able to deal with the abusers independently.

"THE MAIN THING IS LEARNING RECEPTIONS"

Parents of boys always want their flights to be "real boys" and they could stand up for themselves with the help of kulaks. It is possible and necessary to give the boy to the sports section, so that he learns combat techniques, but we must explain to him: he does not study them at all in order to use them every time. Self-defense techniques can give the child self-confidence, but in parallel with this you must teach him to solve conflicts constructively, leaving pugilistic arguments for an extreme case.

LIST OF APPLICANTS FOR THE ROLE OF THE "GOAT OF RELEASE"

Children with unusual appearance

• too thick (or too thin)

• small or too tall growth

• Children with glasses (especially corrective ones - with one closed eye)

• redheads

• Overly curly

Children who have unpleasant habits for others

• constantly sniffing (or picking at the nose)

• untidy dressed, with dirty hair

• children who chomping at food talk with their mouths full, etc.

Children who are inadequate in communication

• too intrusive and talkative

• too shy and shy

• easily vulnerable and sensitive

• whiners

• braggart

• lying

Children who stand out from the collective

• children dressed are stressed better than others

• teachers' favorites (as well as children who are not loved by the teacher)

• Sneaks and crybaby

• mother's sons

• too abstruse ("not of this world")

KINDS OF AGGRESSION AND WAYS OF REACTION

There are several basic types of interpersonal relationships in the children's team:

Ignoring

The child does not pay attention, as if he is not. It is not taken into account with any distribution of roles, the child is of no interest to anyone. The child does not know the phones of classmates, no one calls him to visit. He does not say anything about the school.

What should parents do?

Talk to the class teacher, try to establish contact with the children themselves (reduce them with your child)

Passive rejection

The child is not accepted into the game, refuses to sit with him for one desk, do not want to be with him in one sports team. The child reluctantly goes to school, comes from school in a bad mood.

What should parents do?

Analyze the reasons (why the child is not accepted) and try to eliminate them. Act through teachers and educators.

Active rejection

Children demonstratively do not want to communicate with the child, do not take into account his opinions, do not listen, do not hide a contemptuous attitude. Sometimes a child suddenly suddenly refuses to go to school, often crying for no reason.

What should parents do?

Transfer the child to another class (or to another school). Talk to the teachers. To address to the psychologist.

Harassment

Constant ridicule, the child is teased and called, pushed and beat, robbed and spoiled things, intimidated. The child has bruises and abrasions, often "disappear" things and money.

What should parents do?

Urgently transfer the child to another school! Give him to a circle, where he will be able to maximize his abilities and be on top. To address to the psychologist.