According to children's psychologists, the child most often tries to make friends with the one who has character traits that are unusual for him. So it turns out that a timid child begins to be friends with a desperate and brave, silent - with a talkative, obedient and quiet boy chooses to be the friend of the chief in the courtyard of a bully, and shy, insecure little girl on the heels of the one who managed to pass fire and water . Parents, learning about this friendship, immediately begin to worry: will not others start to manipulate their child, use it for their dubious purposes? Will not their raised child turn into an uncontrollable tomboy? And these fears are quite understandable.
How to solve the problem?
Unfortunately, most parents in the same situation make the same mistake: strictly forbid the child to communicate with a certain "bad" boy or girl. But in this way it is impossible to succeed! True, if your child is a creature hammered by you, for which your authority is above everything in the world, then maybe. But it's unlikely that such children will ever have such friends without your consent. Much more often children begin to act in spite of, to save the teenager by force methods - not the best way out. They are ruled by the spirit of contradiction, and it is much stronger than you. Often the child begins to keep silent about his acquaintances and actions. You become outside of his life, but do you need it?
It will be more effective in this case to do the opposite - hospitably open the door of your home to all the child's friends. Try to do it sincerely, no matter how difficult it is for you. Do not treat children with prejudice: what if you are mistaken about them? Suddenly, in fact, they are interesting personalities, the nature of which really complements your child? If real juvenile criminals have appeared in the house, do not grab the head, do not drive them open, since they let in. Talk with your child so that he comes to the correct conclusion himself. There is something that can reassure you: childhood friendship is often very fleeting. After a long vacation, the guys find new friends, and they rarely remember the old ones later.
Switch the interest of the child
Think: maybe your child feels a lack of dynamics in life, and there, on the street, he is exactly such a life and offer? There are mischievous adventures (not always legal), the romance of "friendship to the grave" and mutual assistance, and your child aspires to go there, wanting to experience something new? Then try to find for the teenager from the company "antidote" in the form of a lesson that satisfies his craving for adventure. After all, the adult always has more opportunities than the courtyard "authorities"! There are many sports sections - not only volleyball and hockey, but also karate, go-karting, boxing, extreme sports. Better let the teenager jump with a parachute or climb on the caves under the supervision of experienced instructors, than it disappears unknown where and with whom has got. There are tourist and mountaineering clubs, the society of young archaeologists and speleologists. There, children go on hikes, learn secret caves, look for traces of destroyed cities ... Romantically? And how! Risky? Yes, often - but this is an organized and controlled risk.
Or, for example, scouts. It can not be that the child does not like the brotherhood and loyalty of scouts! In a word, think carefully, travel to different organizations, find out what sections and circles there are in your area - and go! If you can not get your child involved the first time - do not worry. Perhaps your child simply does not want to climb mountains, but dreams of scuba diving or competitions in the pool. Often children (even teenagers) do not know what they want - in this case, they need to help them choose by giving their strengths in various circles. Then sooner or later the child will necessarily find "his" environment.
What if the child is already in a bad company?
Much worse things are, if a teenager has merged into a really bad company. It is not unusual for cases when group crimes are committed by well-off teenagers, among others, and then they can not even explain what motivated them to violate the law together with all. "Herd instinct", "crowd effect" - these terms psychologists refer to this phenomenon. The crowd in this case is a powerful force that the child can not resist. If something similar has already happened, the task of the parents is to find out the root cause. In such a company, the most likely is a child who feels rejected. They do not understand him at home, they despise him in the classroom. What's left for him? Only to spite all to contact the most inveterate hooligans, in order to prove that he can be "cool" too.
Feel the soil: is it really so in reality your child is comfortable in the new environment, or is he just doing this to spite you and he himself can not wait until you return him to the family? Perhaps, he himself is not happy with the circumstances in which he was dragged, but he is simply afraid to ask you for help? In this case, let him know that you will not scold him or punish him, which would eventually happen. To save from a bad company you can only trust - a child should know for sure that the house will be understood and loved by anyone.
If your family does not practice trust, the prohibitions will only play a reverse role. You yourself will push the child to those whom he trusts more than his own parents. Therefore, the best way with which you can save a teenager from a bad company and unwanted communication is a friendly relationship in a cozy and loving family. Ideally, such relationships are the norm for the baby since his birth. Remember: it's never too late to improve, to put your relations on the right track. You can always make friends with a child, even if he has already grown up and started making many decisions himself.