Each parent usually awaits with anxiety when his child reaches the age of transition. And always growing up your own child comes completely unexpectedly. On the problems that arise in the relationship between parents and their maturing children, you can write whole treatises. But we will focus only on the most basic difficulties that you can experience when trying to establish rapport with your teenage child.
Try to learn more about the interests, friends of the teenager. Understand their importance for him. If you try to look from the outside to how the communication between adolescents and adults is going on, it seems that each of them speaks a different language, can not or even does not want to look at the situation through the eyes of another. Try to accept the search for a teenager yourself, which is expressed in unexpected mood changes, unusual in the opinion of the parents of the hobbies of a young man or girl, defiant behavior and strange expressions.
It is worth seeing how your child has matured, how quickly he has changed, his personality has matured. Perhaps you still treat your adult child as well as five years ago, just trying to educate and control it. In the teenager, in the course of these five years, there have been changes that the adult has been taking in decades. Do not seek to retain the old methods of education - this will hurt both you and him. Always remember that a teenager can try, experience different ways of dealing with you. You need to firmly tell him what is allowed, and what boundaries he can not cross. A teenager is always ready to understand you if he feels that you respect his interests.
Understand the difficulties experienced by a teenager, because he tries himself in adulthood. Support it. Being a teenager is not so simple. Overflowing with energy, emerging because of active growth, hungry for independence, awaiting great success in later life, love and happiness, a teenager finds his path in this world, passing through thorns. And if you take into account that ready-made solutions and proven life paths do not exist, it is easy to understand the anxiety that arises in your mother's heart when you think about your rapidly growing son or daughter. It is important to strive to create conditions for the development of the personality of your growing up child. It is necessary to respect him, develop his sense of dignity in him, gently and not persistently prompt him in the difficult choice of life guides - all this will contribute to the development of his personality.
Give up a dangerous stereotype: "A good child is the child who always and always obeys you." It can cause you to lose mutual understanding with your son or daughter. Studies of psychologists have revealed such a picture of conflicts between parents and children of adolescence. The instigator of the quarrel is always "appointed" a teenager - this opinion is shared by the parents of the "rebel", and his teachers, and, strange as it may seem, the children themselves. Teenagers feel that they are forced to humility - in all respects they must always be "obedient." When a child is tired of being guilty and obedient, he seeks to change his position, becoming a "rebel." Adults usually in these cases turn to a psychologist, they sound an alarm. Although the danger begins when you require the child primarily obedience, when he internally feels guilty in emerging conflicts, and adults take the position of prosecutors.
Do not be afraid to be sincere with a teenager. He can already be a support, understand and support you. Accept his support, let him be kind, strong. The big mistake of adults is that even trying to be understanding parents, they still take the position of "over" a child. But it is worth remembering that you will never lose credibility in the eyes of your children if you honestly say that you do not know something or if you show them that you understand and empathize with them. For example: "I was also very frightened" or "I know how bad I feel if you tell a lie." Specialists in children's psychology found that parents, seeing how their children grow up, very often pay attention only to negative aspects: the child became aggressive, stopped listening, something is hiding from parents, etc. and absolutely do not want to notice positive aspects of the development of their child. For example, in adolescence, children have the ability to understand adults, they seek to help them, to support them in a difficult situation. But very often the adults themselves are not ready to accept such a new attitude to them from the side of the child. After all, in order to come to this, you must be with a teenager "on equal terms." In order for your adult child to become kind, understanding, you need to help him to manifest himself. You, too, have to learn something. First of all, not only give, but also want and be able to take.
When resolving conflicts, quarrels and other difficult situations in your relationship, the first thing that will help you is mutual trust and respect. Teenagers react sensitively to other people's experiences. Therefore, if you are concerned about the behavior of a teenager, then often in communication with him, you may need not some special tricks, but a frank conversation. For example, if you feel that something is going wrong with a child, worry about it, the best way to help him and yourself will be a conversation that you can begin by expressing your own feelings, for example, like this: "I feel that something has happened to you, I'm worried about you, you are very dear to me, and I would like to help you. Maybe we can solve the problem together if you tell us what happened. " It is this treatment with the mention of your experiences is considered the best way to talk with a teenager. Because at this difficult age, compulsions do not help.
Be prepared for the fact that a teenager will have his own life, which he will not necessarily tell you. Do not try to find out all the details that he does not finish. Do not resort to such degrading and child and your way of watching, like eavesdropping on the phone or reading a teen diary. With the help of these methods, you can achieve only two things: completely or sufficiently strongly lose your child's trust in you and show him an example of a dishonest act that he may well follow: do not be surprised after that if the teenager lies to you. The best way to understand a teenager is confiding in a confidential conversation, in which you talk with him as an equal to yourself. You respect his feelings and thoughts, but at the same time you need to let him know that your own interests and personal life require respect. He will trust you only if you are sincere and honest with him.