But after retiring and remaining a widower, he often came to visit you. Demonstratively did a "review" of your au pair, endured his verdicts - and again retired. You and your husband did not particularly adhere to all the recommendations of the "auditor", everyone always decided together and amicably.
But it all changed when you had a baby. Grandfather was very happy that this is a boy. "Heir of the surname! The future defender and support of the family! "- he proclaimed at the christening. He told you that you must devote a lot of time to raising your son in a warlike spirit. And he began to take an active part in your life. Substantially helped with this and money, and connections. When my son grew up, he began to go to the kindergarten, you were put in front of the fact that your grandfather would be engaged in raising a son in a warlike spirit. Her husband suddenly supported his father's side, although you hoped that he would take your side.
The upbringing of the son began with the fact that many began to constantly give him toy guns and military equipment, play with him in all sorts of shooters - computer and "field", watch the militants, insist that he engaged in the section of martial arts ... Son - the guy does not conflict and affectionate, but it is easy to "start" and long afterwards does not come out of this state. In such an excited state, switching it to some quieter occupation is quite difficult. This upbringing of your son does not suit you. With a child, you try to not argue with your husband and father-in-law. But you do not want to put up with such education of your son in a warlike spirit. You understand that a boy must be able to protect himself, say, from hooligans. But he should not, and in your opinion, he is so light-minded about suffering, death, violence. You are immediately told that you are naive, you do not know the harsh cruel life, did not get in danger, and the boy will have an army! In short, you can not change them.
Raising a son is not easy. And it is very natural that for the boy the father becomes the great authority, and not the mother. But all the same it is not absolutely indisputable law.
The child perfectly sees what his mother wants from him, and he will perfectly combine his "militancy" (from his father and grandfather) with affection and kindness (from his mother). As a result, the child will grow strong and courageous, rather than frail and sentimental. So you need not be afraid of being able to stand up for yourself, but of not having it! Another thing - in the dosage of "militancy" and its types: it is possible (if you think it necessary) to limit. For example, if you are so afraid or afraid, the aggressiveness of martial arts - give your son to aikido. This is the most gentle and kindly protection. Sonny in time you do not know, he will grow strong and good.
Opinion of psychologist
Here there is a classic example of the substitution of the problem. In fact, it is not the education of a son in a militant spirit that causes anxiety, but the irresistible expansion of a father-in-law. Annoying judgments of the "auditor", his remarks and advice, and very frequent visits are annoying. Mother feels that she is being pushed aside and deprived of the legal right to make decisions in her own home. All this causes vexation and protest. Only rebellion turns out to be some kind of frightened. "It's impossible to convince" - these are not the mistress's words, but a little girl who is desperate shy in front of an adult. It's especially bitter that you can not count on a spouse. He, too, did not outlive his childish fear of a strict father. It turns out that the fight against the "male education" of the son is that fraction of the veiled resistance of the father-in-law, which can be decided in this case. A similar situation will persist until the family's boundaries are clearly defined and rules are set for the guests at home.