Yes, even anecdotes on this topic do not compose, as opposed to jokes about mother-in-law and son-in-law.
Perhaps, because the relations between the daughter-in-law and the father-in-law are often formed neutrally or benevolently.
In Russia, the father himself chose his wife's son, that's why, by the way, her mother-in-law did not treat the daughter-in-law so much - the main person in the house was a man. The main man remains in modern Russia. In Ukraine, another type of family relations: the dominance of the female principle is obvious, which is proved even by folklore. At us the woman more often heads, accordingly, and conflicts between women of different generations are more. The mother-in-law is prejudiced with regard to her daughter-in-law, since she treats her son in a special way (like her father does to her daughter). And, probably, the husband more often takes the side of the wife in the conflict with the daughter-in-law?
In the relationship between a father-in-law and a young daughter-in-law, there is such a position: the father-in-law can treat the daughter-in-law in several cases. The first - if he is a henpecked, trying to please his wife in everything. The second - if the father-in-law and the mother-in-law have good partner relations, and the daughter-in-law touches the interests of her in-laws. Then the father in law, of course, will protect his precious from the encroachment of a younger woman.
If the father-in-law is attracted to the daughter-in-law, but he does not admit this thought into consciousness, since such relations are tabooed by society as an indirect incest - the subconscious attraction will be manifested by annoyance and anger. Especially if the daughter-in-law itself provokes the interest of the father-in-law. Many young women do not think that the father in law is also a man, and run from the bedroom to the bathroom in a light dressing gown on the naked body. If a young wife does not have a father (the parents are divorced or the father is long dead), she will look for him in the beetroot, and unconsciously seduce just like many girls do with the pope.
He is aware of his interest and does not hide the relationship between his father-in-law and the young daughter-in-law. Yes, it also happens, and not so rare. As a systemic family therapist, I want to emphasize that such a situation can arise only under certain conditions that have developed in the family system, which includes both a small family of young people and the entire family clan. From how the father-in-law and mother-in-law interacted with each other all the years of their life together, how they experienced family crises (the birth of a son, his socialization, the puberty period, his "flight from the nest"), what feelings they felt when they were left alone with each other when the son grew up. From all this depends on whether a father-in-law can test for a daughter-in-law a man's interest and any love relationships between a father-in-law and a young daughter-in-law.
If a father-in-law and a mother-in-law have good partner relations, if they psychologically agreed to grow old together, it is unlikely that he was carried away by his daughter-in-law. The henpecked, dreaming to escape from the strong embrace of the manipulative wife, can put an eye on the daughter-in-law simply out of a sense of protest.
In addition , it is important at what stage of life is the man himself. He probably already experienced a midlife crisis, and, possibly, is part of the men's menopause - it all depends on the type of his sexuality, early or late maturation. Climax is a decrease in potency?
Not only and not so much a decrease in potency, as an existential crisis, the realization that old age is not far off, and hence death. Suppose a father-in-law is already experiencing a climax, which means that he needs to prove to himself and others (including his son) that he is still about-go-go!
Is there an element of competition with the son in this situation? Of course. On the one hand, the father sees the son as a continuation of himself and thinks: since my son chose this woman, then there is something in her. Unlike his mother-in-law, he is able to appreciate not only the culinary and economic talents of the daughter-in-law, but also her feminine qualities. In addition, parents are inclined to project their unfulfilled dreams, an unrealized life, onto children. He looks at his daughter-in-law and thinks: would he want to have such a wife? Or maybe his wife was like that, but about 30 years ago ... There are close to dangerous thoughts and any relations between father-in-law and a young daughter-in-law. But is not his father frightened by the obvious shade of incest in this situation? Everything that relates to sexual relations with close relatives (the daughter-in-law is almost a daughter) is strictly taboo in the society!
Moreover , in many countries there are corresponding laws of the relationship between a father-in-law and a young daughter-in-law. For example, in Britain, marriages between a woman and her former father-in-law are legally forbidden, while the ex-husband is alive. The same applies to marriages between the former son-in-law and mother-in-law. But recently one couple, a 60-year-old man and his 40-year-old former daughter-in-law, in their desire to get married, were so persistent that they reached the Strasbourg Court and obtained permission to marry. My son did not work with this woman, but my father and she were fine. By the way, this case illustrates such a situation, when the daughter-in-law herself reaches out to the father-in-law. A young man is only a promise, a sketch of a man, while next to him is a well-formed, experienced man who knows what he wants from a woman and from life. On this theme there is a wonderful film "Damage" with Juliette Binoche in the main role - about the passion that has engulfed the high-ranking politician of middle-aged and his son's bride. He immediately about many things.
First , that sexual passion and the relationship between a father-in-law and a young daughter-in-law (though potential) may be experienced and manifested not only by a person of low culture. A middle-aged man, carried away by his feelings, is able, with all the prohibitions and taboos, to say to himself: "My son is just beginning, he still has everything ahead of him. My life has already been half-lived. Now I love and I want to realize my love. This is my life, and no one will prevent me from living it the way I want. "
Secondly, it's about how we idealize our parents. For his son, the act of his father was something incredible, he experienced a shock and, unable to bear the disappointment in the ideal, committed suicide. We must always remember that parents are the same people as us, they also have their weaknesses, and they are also capable of great passion. It occurred to me now that anecdotes about the daughter-in-law and the father-in-law (and, incidentally, about the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law) may not be written because the topic is too painful, too taboo to laugh at.
But, probably , other "soft" versions of mutual sympathy between father and sister-in-law are also possible? They, for example, may show common interests. I remember the history of some friends. When the young man brought home to introduce his girlfriend, she really liked my father. He was a highly educated man, a professor, scattered, eternally soaring in the clouds. His wife devoted herself to home, did not have a high intellect, and did not pay attention to what looks like.
It's no wonder that the professor liked the young, beautiful, and, most importantly, intelligent girl. They sat for hours in the living room and discussed the problems of globalization, the development of world cultures - in short, topics that the professor could never talk to his wife. He even told his son that the girl was pretty, complimented her. I think if the young couple did not break up, but got married, the relationship with the daughter-in-law of the professor would be ideal, but my mother-in-law might be jealous.
Another example. In the family there is one "outcast": father-in-law. He had long ago divorced his wife, severed relations with his mother (and now his mother lives with her daughter-in-law, that is, her mother-in-law). With his son, this person also does not maintain relations. But once a year, on the day of the daughter-in-law's birth, he always appears at her doorstep, dressed up, with a bouquet of flowers and a $ 100 bill in an envelope.
She accepts these gifts, with her husband all translates into a joke - they say, $ 100 never interfere. I think the motives in the relations between father-in-law and young daughter-in-law are mixed: there is a desire to annoy all my relatives, and competition with my son, and, possibly, sympathy for the daughter-in-law. Let's go back to the reader's letter. She asks advice - how to behave, so that the conflict does not break out ... People often try to avoid conflict, believing that this is bad. However, the conflict is also an affinity, albeit with a minus sign. It is necessary to clarify the relationship.
First of all , you should discuss the situation with your husband. His reaction depends on how their relationship with their father was built. If he idealizes his father, he will experience a shock and, probably, will not believe his daughter-in-law. But in any case it needs to be discussed. In addition, it is worth starting to build more precise boundaries - your own and your small family. She has the right to feel what she feels, think what she thinks, live her life as she sees fit, and not feel guilty for it.
"I do not impose anything on you, but you do not impose anything on me either", this should be her position, both in this situation and in relations with her husband's parents and with people in general. Perhaps we should talk with the father-in-law himself. But all this - temporary measures, you need to insist on being settled separately.
However, everything depends on what kind of relationship in the family. However, the conflict will benefit everyone - something will change, it will flow differently. It makes no sense to hide skeletons in the closet - sooner or later they will still have to be got.