School bullying: what to do if a child becomes a target of bullying in school?

In our understanding, school years are a time, about which only bright memories remain for the rest of their lives. Noisy changes, notes through the desk, school friends ... We, adults, somehow forgot that the children's collective can be cruel to someone who for some reason does not want or can not merge with the common mass. Calls, baiting, fights - our children know about these realities of life in school not by hearsay. What if your child became the object of evil ridicule and mockery? Why do children need a sacrifice?
Bulling (persecution by classmates) is a social phenomenon, without which no children's collective is built. In any class there is a leader, there are middle peasants. There is also a weak link - one who becomes the object of ridicule. If a child for some reason falls out of the general mass, there will certainly be someone who will want to assert himself at his expense. If in time to help the student to find a common language with the guys, to teach themselves to protect, he, having grown up, will remember the school problems with a smile. And if not? After all, the consequences of baiting by classmates can be the most deplorable. The child gets used to being a loser, so he will not be able to reveal his potential, to achieve success in life. The lack of communication skills in the team can make him unsociable and withdrawn. Such people are emotionally unstable, even mentally unstable. By the way, among the domestic tyrants, beating his wife and children, there are also many of those who as a child suffered from bullying.

Loneliness in the crowd
Most often, the victims of bullying are children, different from others, with speech defects, peculiar appearance, atypical behavior or way of life. And also just quiet, shy, unable to stand up for themselves or jokingly out of place. However, even the most confident and self-sufficient child at one point can turn from a collective leader into a victim of harassment.

Children only learn to communicate. Your student is sometimes himself unable to catch the moment when his word or deed is capable of provoking a conflict. Behind the phrase "They tease me!" Can be a whole story of misunderstanding and involuntary resentment. Your reply: "Be patient, tease and stop!" Will not only not reassure the child, but will also make it clear that you are not interested in his problems.

There are many cases when adults do not just ignore, but directly provoke bullying! How do you think, how will the children react to the boy, whom the teacher calls a fool or moron day after day? Can a teenager, whose parents are implacable to people of a different race, treat the dark-skinned or Asian woman well, meeting him in his team? It can be said that school bullying is a reflection of the problems of our society. After all, children copy the behavior of adults and often not the best of his models.

Get out of the shadows
In general, notice that something is going wrong with the child, every mother can do it. For this, it is not necessary to visit the school every day or read all the SMS messages that come to him on the phone. You just ... talk to your child! Fifteen to twenty minutes a day. To ask how the day was today, with whom of the guys he played. If there is a conflict - to find out why it happened, and how your child acted in this situation. Advise how to behave further if the conflict is not resolved. Share with him your memories of school years: surely you have had similar stories. Tell us how you dealt with them. It is important to show the son or daughter that out of any situation there is a way out. Your schoolchild can, after growing up, not become a physicist or a writer, can completely forget the basics of chemistry and mathematics, the only skill that will definitely come in handy for him in adulthood is the ability to communicate with people.

You should be alerted if the child suddenly becomes too aggressive or touchy, does not sleep well, begins to cry for every trifle or uses any excuse to skip school. The most sensitive and vulnerable can develop enuresis, frequent headache or stomach pain, and other symptoms of psychosomatic disorders. Try to talk him through, find out the real reason for this strange behavior. If your student is a victim of bullying, act immediately! However, do not rush immediately to interfere in the children's conflict, give the child the opportunity to cope with the situation. This experience, if it is successfully passed, will form the winner's position: "I can, I will manage!" It is important to show the offspring its importance. Therefore, praise for any, even the tiniest achievement: "Well done, that told Kolya that he has no right to offend you! He did the right thing, he did not get into a fight! You're strong, you will succeed! "

If the child persecutes for a long enough time (more than 3-4 weeks), then it is worth taking more active steps to resolve the conflict situation. First of all it is necessary to talk with the class teacher of the child. Very often it is he who can extinguish the child and suppress the baiting at the initial stage, especially when it comes to children of primary school age. It is, however, worth remembering that it is only necessary to talk with the teacher alone, without the presence of outsiders and the students themselves. Do not arrange "debriefing" in front of the entire class. Usually the aggressor and the offender is the unspoken leader in the school team, the children are drawn to him and his opinion is important to them. In this case, an open clarification of relations will only aggravate the situation.

The class teacher does not pay attention to your requests for intervention in the conflict situation? It is worth turning to the school psychologist. He is obliged to listen to you and conduct some explanatory work with the children, which will help to establish relations in the classroom. The next instance is the director of the school and the district department of education. If your child is not only teased, but also beaten, it makes sense to contact the police.

Start over
Often parents think that switching to another school is the most correct decision in the situation with bullying. However, psychologists do not quite agree with this point of view. Often this is not a solution to a problem, but simply an escape from it. The child has not learned to overcome the persecution of himself - this is a prerequisite to the fact that the situation will repeat. But nevertheless there are cases when transition to other educational institution is necessary. If your child sustains a serious psychological trauma, if he became a victim of cyberbullying (harassment through the Internet) or sexual violence, he certainly needs professional help from a psychologist.

When going to another school, do not tell the new teacher about the true reason for changing the place of study! Otherwise, you will form a model of treating your child as a victim. Think of an innocent excuse: this school is close to the grandmother's house, there are the necessary electives and so on.

Many mothers do not know that the parents' phrase that "everything will be fine" is very irritating to children. In it there is no specifics, it is initially untrue, because everything can not be smooth! Better show understanding: "I know that it may be difficult for you at first, but you will manage everything and I will help you!" Do not remember or compare the past with the present, give the child the opportunity to start life from scratch.

And what about the aggressor himself?
All parents whose children are victims of bullying should not hesitate to contact a psychologist: he will help the child to work through this negative experience. However, it is often forgotten that a child acting as an aggressor also needs psycho-correction. This behavior indicates that he can not solve his problems differently, except through violence. Perhaps the aggressor has a need to stand out, attract attention to himself. Maybe in his family an unhealthy atmosphere, which provokes emotional instability. If your child in the conflict has acted as an aggressor, remember: his behavior needs to be adjusted, and the earlier, the better, until the habit of violence has become a way of life.