Every little girl from childhood dreams about the time when she will become a bride. She dreams of marrying for love, living happily ever after ... A white chic dress, a veil with a long train, a huge bouquet of flowers ... well, somewhere in the background, the groom flashes. Nothing can be done about it, we are born as egoists, but this can and must be fought.
Now, childhood is over, youth too, it's time to think about creating a family. Each person's willingness to take responsibility for someone else comes at different ages, some are ready to take on all the troubles of family life and at 18, others and at 30 years of doubt whether they will cope with such a heavy burden. She dreams of marrying for love, he did not want to marry (or wanted, but was not ready) - an excellent preparation for the future drama. However, each person lives according to his own scenario, but at the same time - depends on many components. Therefore, it does not matter at what age you are gathered under the crown.
There is an opinion that we live as we want and we need to look for reasons only in ourselves, if something did not work out. But it all started so well! And where does it usually start? Met, met, met for a while, decided to get married. She dreams of marrying, preferably - for big and pure love, and here's the hasty decision made. Did the young men get to know each other before the registry office? Hardly ... And life is not enough to do this. And if you meet for too long, then there is a possibility that before marriage, it will not come.
So on what should the family be based? On love, of course, but not on the one about which all love stories are written. Perhaps this kind of love is more like a desire to live for the sake of another person, the ability to direct all their forces to achieve a common goal. If necessary - to sacrifice, if necessary - to defend their own rightness. And certainly the reason for creating a family should not be that infantile, selfish love. To cherish the feeling "Oh my God! I love! "You can (for your own pleasure), but turning it into the only reason to get married is hardly a good idea.
There is an opinion that the creation of a family does not necessarily require the presence of love, enough sympathy and the desire to live together. Is it so? I think yes. Sympathy says that between people there are certain feelings, interest, attention and respect for each other, as to equals. And let it not yet love, but just a warm intimate relationship, over time they can grow into something more.
However, if initially there is no sympathy, but there is only a cold calculation, then it is unlikely that anything good will come of it. Is it worth it to dream of a rich husband? You can dream about your beloved and successful husband! Not all rich people are happy in their personal lives. A woman is arranged in such a way that she needs to love a person who goes with her through life hand in hand. Only if a woman loves her husband, we can say that she is happy, regardless of other circumstances.
Partnership - even in the kitchen!
Another important point is whether your feelings are ready to endure the test of life. She dreams of marrying for love, but she does not like washing or cooking. She hopes that her husband will immediately buy a dishwasher and a washing machine, but when this young couple in their first marriage could afford this? So, at first you will have to endure, resign yourself, and if absolutely unbearable - agree on the division of family responsibilities. And this, sorry, is far from the quality of love - these are qualities that are characteristic of partnership and mutual respect.
Only in case both husband and wife will equally strive for the well-being of their family, we can say that no adversity will destroy their union. One can not cope with such a difficult task, no matter what moral and material resources he had.
Common goals
And what are the common goals? Living together in peace and harmony until old age can not be the goal? Life is given to man to overcome difficulties encountered in his path. And if there is always a close person nearby, it will be possible to pass this road not only with less effort, but also with pleasure.
Overcoming difficulties, we are improving, oddly enough. And to live with pleasure - this does not mean at all, to have all the desired material benefits. Rather, together, to achieve, to receive them, to develop together with a loved one. Ay, darling, where are you? Maybe not quite side by side - because now he is just earning an apartment, working as a damned in three jobs, but in the evening he will return home ...
No love!
My parents lived together for almost half a century and both unanimously declare that love does not exist. Is it possible? Apparently, yes. At the heart of their relationship are respect for each other, mutual understanding and concern for each other. Or maybe this is love? Maybe a person is not given to understand that there is actually this feeling? Or does everyone determine for himself that there is love?
It seems that love is not a homogeneous feeling. It is globally and comprehensively only in those short moments when we fall asleep, buried our noses in the shoulder of the husband, when we receive support, care or show them ourselves.
If one can speak of the structure of feeling in general, then love consists of a multitude of different individual feelings inherent in every individual person. And only in the complex and in the presence of the object of love, the whole spectrum seems to be going together like a puzzle, and appears as something real. And the deeper our inner world and the wider our consciousness, the more likely that love will not bypass us. But it's better to forget about selfishness ...