What is fear?
Emotion, which helps us navigate the situation and behave as circumstances require, without connecting intellect (our intellect is a very slow machine). A small background level of fear is present in every person since birth, it makes us constantly be on the alert. This feature is a tribute to the distant past: if our ancestors who lived in the wild had no fear, they would simply ... be eaten. We get used to the basic fear and practically do not feel it. To live with him helps us a whole set of protective mental mechanisms. But if they fail, the person develops anxious disorders, obsessive thoughts, phobias, that is, unconstructive fear. As for constructive fear, he always leads us to action.
What exactly causes it?
The danger that can be both real (an aggressive group of drunken people), and fictitious (for example, a person is afraid of ghosts). In addition, we may be troubled by our future: we are waiting for something unknown, and this frightens us. Or suddenly something happens that we did not expect and did not plan. For example, from a corner suddenly a motorcycle flies ... From surprise we shudder: this biological mechanism, which is also in animals, brings our muscles into a tonus, preparing them for a quick reaction. We do not yet know what we will need to do-run away, hide or attack, but we will need muscles in any case. And yet fear - this is a negative emotion ... Of course, because he dislikes us! We do not want to be afraid, we try to change the situation as soon as possible and be safe. And this is the paradox of fear: if he were pleasant to us, we would not pay such attention to him! It is interesting that fears rarely live by themselves, they usually find a guise. Why do they say that it's easier to be afraid of something concrete? In the unknown we are frightened by everything, and we do not know what to "fight" with. To be afraid of something concrete is easier because then we can act against it. Activity reduces fear. An excellent metaphor for fear is the boggarts from the Harry Potter books. They always appear before the heroes of the novel in the form of what scares them, in the guise of a bat or a mummy wrapped in bandages. If Harry Potter or his friends can present their fear in a funny way, the Boggart will die. And they will stop being afraid.
Laughter is a cure for fear?
Magnificent! But not the only one. In general, we intuitively find ways to combat fear. You can explore it, say it, pull out from the dusk into the bright light what scares. Another good tool is to devalue fear, to find the right scale for it. Or go even more rationally: if, for example, I am afraid that the child will get under the car, I will devote more time to teaching him to observe the rules of the road and be attentive even when he crosses the street to the green light. Another way: to bring the situation to the point of absurdity. For example, you are afraid of losing your job. Follow the chain that your fear tells you: I will be fired, I will remain without money, all my relatives will throw me, I will sell (lose) the apartment and die under the fence from cold and hunger ... Now, relate this to reality and ... calm down .
What is a phobia?
The disparity of fear and the cause that causes it. For example, fear of spiders. Surely they cause some dislike for each of us, but usually this fear is proportionate: if the spider falls on me, I'll shake it, maybe shudder or scream, but then I'll forget about it. If a person faints, even when he just sees a cobweb in the corner ... this is a phobia: a huge fear is planted on a small irritant. Some phobias are caused: in the distant past, insects could harm us, and we do not want them to come into contact with our skin. But often uncontrolled fears do not have a real biological basis: for example, fear of gray cars or the risk of dying from suffocation in the subway. Perhaps, the person had a negative experience: he was almost hit by a gray car, or one day, when he was having a cold, he did not have enough air in the train car. At that moment, fear was justified, but then it became entrenched in the psyche, expanded, and it turned out that the stimulus - the real circumstances - and the excessive fear that arises in response are disproportionate.
And where does the fear come from children?
It occurs from the moment of birth, but the children have not yet formed a mental defense. And so they are afraid of potentially life-threatening things, such as darkness or unreliable surfaces underfoot (cracks in the asphalt). If a child is afraid of Baba Yaga or some other anthropomorphic creature, this is most likely due to the fact that in his relationships with adults something has appeared that causes fear or tension. But he does not connect him with his father, mother or grandmother, but he is afraid of Baba Yaga or Barmaleya.
What helps children?
Including terrible stories - stories about how to defeat fear. They help to work out psychological protection: at first they were frightened, then they won what caused fear, and finally calmed down. If the child is afraid of something concrete, for example, loudly buzzing vacuum cleaner, invite him to explore this object together to understand that he is absolutely safe.
5 ways to regain peace of mind
1. Shake to relieve the tension of the body: move your shoulders, fingers, abdominal muscles, relax your face. Breathe slower and deeper, speak a little quieter, move your eyes to see more objects and shades around.
2. Find the body of the support, for example, lean your back against the wall. Remember the most beautiful and pleasant place where you once were, or the moment when you were happy: you finished the project and got a reward; swam in the sea, enjoying the rest ... Activate these memories: colors, shades, sounds, bodily sensations. Plunged into this pleasant dream, inwardly you will get to the place where we can gain strength.
3. Pour the flowers, stroke the cat, wash the dishes, pour out the pencils, traverse the papers to which the hands have not reached for a long time ... Such exercises quickly distract us from the source of fear, but they must be carried out thoughtfully, without haste.
4. Break away from the TV, do not reread the news sites, especially if your arah grows: the main news you know, their endless repetition will bring little new information, but make you even more dependent on the "big world" where supposedly much is happening, while as you "do not need anyone too much" or "sit idly by."
5. Allow yourself to be a little weak, do not act like you are the most serious person in the world. An exaggeratedly severe look, tense back, categorical judgments-all this can only exacerbate restless sensations. Look for an excuse to smile. Find the opportunity to help others in something. Make several inclinations: this will help restore the flexibility of the body, and at the same time and regain the independence of judgments.