Will I be more confident in my mother?
We have every reason to answer in the affirmative. If you always worry about the first child, constantly asking yourself "Do I do the right thing?", "Does it eat enough?", The second one is likely to grow in a quieter environment. You already know many "pitfalls" of education, analyzed their mistakes. Nevertheless, not everything is given so simply, besides, you must take into account other features of your baby: his temperament, character, sex, position among your other children ... Anxiety can also amplify thoughts about the place that you yourself used to be occupied in the family: if you were a child "number two", you can express yourself more after the birth of the second baby and you will better understand its features. And, on the contrary, if you were the first child in a parent family, you better understand the experiences of the older child.
Does the second child attain a matrimonial relationship?
The risk of breaking up the relationship is primarily related to the birth of the first child. With his appearance, the situation in the family changes radically, which makes us think of ourselves as parents, you have new worries and responsibilities. However, some couples still begin to quarrel after the birth of the second child. "In this case, the parting was already in the bud," there is a special kind of couples, with the risk of a gap, when the couple "are in a relationship of rivalry, too strong asymmetry." These are those who say: "I have done more than you, we meet with your family more than with mine." But a couple with children, if the couple are going to live together, can, as a mirror, transfer this rivalry to their children. The risk increases if every parent identifies with a particular child, takes it under his wing and takes care of him. This is the so-called "pet syndrome". "In such situations, each parent seems to strengthen his position, feels that he is not alone, that he defends the interests not only of his own, but also of the child. This can lead to an open confrontation in a pair, so be objective. "
I want a second child, but he does not ... Should I put pressure on him?
Women's biological watches are not very consistent with the biological clock of their satellites. You conceive a child together. Doing this forcibly would be a risk, because at the slightest difficulty you will fall for reproaches. "It's better to be a strong family with one child than to see how your relationship breaks down. "Otherwise, you can go to an absurd situation: of course, your older child will have a younger brother, but ... because of this, he risks losing calm and emotional security."
Will not the birth of the second be a severe test in the physical plane?
With the advent of the second child, you will cease to belong to yourself for a while ... However, these concerns are a natural part of your parental obligations. It remains only to prepare yourself for this. With the birth of a baby, you will notice that you will often ask for help from your large family, especially grandparents.
Two children - three times as much work?
It's true! First, fatigue is the main problem for all mothers. For this reason, doctors propose to wait two years, during this time the body will fully recover. Fatigue also reduces the threshold of tolerance in the pair, which provokes people to quarrel. Secondly, children are much more than 1 + 1, you will also have to decide the question of "interpersonal relations" between them: rivalry, quarrels, jealousy, and this is much harder than buying, for example, twice as many diapers and bottles.
Is there an ideal age difference between the two children?
"Every age difference has advantages and disadvantages. If, for example, you stop at 4 years of difference, there will be friendship and rivalry between the children. They will have the opportunity to learn how to build relationships with adults and peers, it will be easier for them to adapt to children's groups. And there is a high probability that they will become friends for life if you give equal attention and care to both. "
And more than 5-6 years?
First of all, you can count on the fact that the older child will have more time to remain a child, which means it is easier to accept your little brother or sister and even to experience real tenderness. However, in reality, the adoption of a younger brother does not affect the "quality of love". And at 7 years old the child can be jealous of the newborn and express it in a different way. Some mothers, more attached to the child emotionally, prefer to start enjoying the full communication with the older child, before starting to plan a second child.
Will the older child offend me?
Yes, but this does not mean that he will love you less. It happens that some little girls, under the influence of the complex, are jealous of their pregnant mother. But if you are attentive to the interests and feelings of the older child, it will be much easier for him to cope with his offense. "It makes sense to prepare an older child for a new one, tell him about the advantages of the elder, say that you love him very much and will be grateful if he wants to help you with the baby. Do not tell the eldest child: "Now you are the elder and must help me in everything!" This is a big mistake, and it is these words that cause the child to take offense. You made the decision on the birth of your second child; Even if the elder asked you about this, he is not able to understand all the consequences of the baby's appearance. Be responsible for your decision and do not shift it to the child. Then the insults will be less. The older child will take the younger one calmer and eventually he will start to help you. "
Should I wait for each child to have a room?
Ideally, it should be so. Of course, everyone should have their own personal space , especially the elder, who should not tolerate the constant "intrusion" of the baby into his territory. But this is not urgent. The breast-patient can easily sleep in his small corner for three or four months. Later, when he grows up, you can transfer him to the older child's room, subject to "marking the territory" of each with a partition. You must ensure that the younger child does not go in without permission to the elder's territory.
I'm afraid to betray the first child, having given birth to the second ...
You do not have to worry about this. Every child, when born, falls in love with himself in his own way. He is not the same child, and we are not the same parents towards him. "At every birth, the mother should not think about how to separate the cake into equal parts, but how to bake a new one, from other components: admiration, tenderness, surprise. How many children, so many kinds of love. " Fear of betrayal of the first child began to disturb mothers recently and is very common! But the older child, like the "little king", lives in his realm, which is an absolute illusion, because sooner or later he will compete with other children. One thing is true: you will have less time for both one and the other child, and mainly on the younger you will spend all your strength. A senior at this time can stay with other family members. "Sometimes parents think that they should spend all their time with the child, but this is a big mistake. For the child in the first place, it is very important that the time that parents spend with him is directed at him and at his interests - at least half an hour a day.
I'm afraid that the elder will not love his brother or sister ...
Perhaps he will say to you: "I do not like him, he is ugly and bad!" Let him speak out, instead of immediately scolding. Say: "Yes, I understand your feelings and do not make you love crumbs. But you must treat it with respect. " As for jealousy, it can not be avoided, but you can reduce its scope in your power. "Families in which jealousy is most noticeable are those where one of the parents or both experienced it in their childhood. Jealousy is exacerbated if parents foresee it and are afraid: this is a case of negative foresight. Counting gifts, caresses, etc., comes from this behavior. " However, psychological studies show that children usually fight only in the presence of their parents to make them involved in the conflict ... It is necessary to tell the children that life is not always fair! Jealousy can very strongly urge the child to do something better. The absence of jealousy, in turn, on the contrary, causes anxiety. The child shows that he is happy, does what his parents expect him to do, and deep in his soul he is seething. And then he can "express" jealousy in another way, for example with the help of a disease, which is much worse!
And will not the older child be degraded?
One should expect two types of behavior of the elder: either he begins to completely copy the behavior of the crumbs (write to bed, cry, ask for a bottle), or start playing "a small adult", completely copying the behavior of the parents. Attention: you must not require the child to grow too fast. "Some children brought up too quickly in the status of" little dad "or" little mother ", when they become adults, refuse to have children. That's why children should always remain children. " "The choice of the type of behavior of the older child depends largely on the behavior of the parents. In the event that parents switch completely to the younger child, the elder can begin to behave as small (this phenomenon is called "regression") in order to receive as much attention and care. It is important to find a "golden mean", pay enough focused attention to both children. In the second case, when the older child begins to behave like a "small adult", help him remember that he is actually still a child, give him the opportunity to live fully his childhood and grow up gradually. "