Male and female rules
Remember childhood, and you will immediately understand how men and women behave differently in games of power. Boys play with war and football, based on competition, and from early childhood realize: clearly formulated rules matter, competition generates excitement, victory is sweet and causes respect and admiration of others. Girls play with dolls - and in this world everyone determines cooperation, imagination, joint improvisation and deepening into details. In adults, everything is exactly the same. For men, status and power are important as a pedestal of victory, and the struggle "for a prize" causes a buzz. We women cherish ideas, look at prospects and put forward goals, and we are interested in power as an instrument that will help achieve these goals. Therefore, we build relationships in different ways: men - vertically, according to the principle of hierarchy, and women - horizontally. A woman enters the path of a career with the illusion that it is good enough to work for recognition. But very soon he understands: we will have to prove that it is not just equivalent, but better than men, in order to get at least the fact that the man relies on his own. She tries very hard, but she does not know at all that under this "better" men understand not a better job, but a punching force. To master it will help to know unwritten rituals and codes of communication in the world of men.
Make yourself notice
When you first appear in a new job, men, most likely, you, generally will not be perceived as a competitor. Even if you have outstanding success behind your back. Have to go through the rite of "initiation."
Do not take you seriously
At the meetings you are offered coffee and biscuits, chatting with you, and maybe even flirting, you are being charged with business - but in the hierarchy you are not taken seriously, because you are the last number. You are rated as a sexual object. And it does not matter, Armani on you or a shapeless sack - you can not avoid this assessment. If the conclusion is, positive, in the course will go piquant comments and attempts to have a specific flirtation.
You are rejected
If you refuse to enter the territory of eroticism, cooling may come. And do not be surprised if, in the case of a hard refusal, the tag "arrogant bitch", "frigid cow", etc., is stuck to you, etc. To sustain the phase of erotic games and refusals is usually the most difficult, because it is related to the natural female need for sympathy. To accept this challenge or not is a private matter for everyone. But in any situation, fearlessness and sense of humor are very useful, qualities that are highly valued in the male world. In addition, a sense of humor always indicates a high IQ.
You are accepted into a real game
If you pass through the period of non-recognition, retaining restraint and ambition, the attitude will change. Now they are ready to admit - it seems that you can be a competitor.
The hierarchy is above all
In the male world, there can be no work in principle until such time as the ordinal numbers are distributed in the entire hierarchy. With this you just have to accept it. Of course, you can not participate in the ritual, but your number will be awarded to you in any case and you will feel it at every turn. Here's a situation that is probably familiar to any woman: you have a great idea, and you repeatedly try to share it at a meeting. But nobody listens to you. And in a moment your idea will be announced by some Petrov, and everyone will start happily clapping him on the shoulder: "Well done, colleague!" Why can not they hear you? There are two possible reasons. Firstly, you did not participate in the struggle for a place in the hierarchy, but delicately stepped aside. And who cares what "sixteenth" mumbles there? Secondly, you and your idea did not address the "first number" - the king of this game, but, for example, to the "fifth" or "seventh." And the laws of the game read: "If you want to be heard, always turn to the highest in the hierarchy." By the way, there is a way to teach a thievish Petrova. It's just that he immediately thanked him loudly and very politely: "Thank you very much for supporting the idea that I just expressed." And further speech is definitely addressed to "number one".
Symbols of dominance
In the games of power, it is much more important not what you say, but how you do it. And here the most powerful weapon has non-verbal forms. Allow yourself to come to the meeting last, clap colleagues on the shoulder, loudly interrupt, take up more space - all these are clearly read signs of domination. Instinct makes a woman avoid them, and the career forces this barrier to overcome. We will equip you with knowledge of the basic symbols.
Greeting
What does it mean if the man shakes hands with the second, with his left hand on the partner's right hand? Location? Nothing of the kind is a very strong gesture of domination: I am here "number one". The favorite reception of Vladimir Putin and Jacques Chirac.
Contact with a glance
In nature, the weak always lower their eyes and bend down to the ground when they meet with the strong. Do not give signals of weakness: always calmly look into your eyes when talking and keep your back straight. From nature we are given: empathy, subtle precision, responsibility and ability to penetrate into the heart of the matter, synthesize and flexibly resolve conflicts. Well, of course, female charm and sex appeal. Business negotiations have much in common with flirting, and virtuosos in both areas always think ahead of every detail: the length of the skirt, make-up, hairstyle and gestures. True, a strong weapon, like a sexy business world, is always used with caution, and in everyday games it is better for them to get involved. Another thing is that you need situations when you need the result (under a contract, agreement). And then you can bluff and play crush: let the male negotiating partner first assess you as a weak opponent, and when he is relaxed, let him know who he is dealing with.
It is important that I like everyone
For a woman there is no greater horror than being unloved, And this so human need for sympathy for so many becomes an insurmountable barrier in the struggle for power. In this game such concepts as "pleasant", "cordial", "sympathetic" are absolutely not the main ones. Unlike - "resolute", "competent", "confident". In a professional environment, it is more important to be respected than a loved one.
Controlling others, I offend them
It is more pleasant for women to have such a leadership style that inspires trust. And men do not appreciate the boss, who does not control his subordinates. Compromise: less control - as far as possible, and more control - as necessary.
Everything should be perfect
A man was forgiven from childhood that he was not perfect - a boy the same. Unlike girls. It is important for a man to build at least a facade, and a woman strives for detailed perfection. A man, having achieved something, will relax and will enjoy his success. And the woman will long worry that something could be even better.
Always need to play clean
Very noble belief. Still, we will have to admit that those who always adhere to this principle are often beaten with dirty methods. And faced with this method, it is not rational to play in ping-pong, and after this visual lesson you can again return to your clean rules.
Good work is always evaluated and rewarded
Unfortunately, this view is greatly exaggerated. To get a "prize", you need to drop modesty and learn how to advertise your work.
To rush forward indecently
Going forward, maybe not very well, but the lady will always be able to perform this maneuver, not having experienced elbows and not losing her elegance. And to come to the fore is necessary in order to be seen and heard.
It's not good to stick out and try to be better than others.
Everything that happens in the professional sphere has a direct analogy with the competition. This is normal. And if you do not want to be "better than", you will automatically be judged as "worse than ...".
Capturing the territory
Men sincerely believe that space belongs to them, and they tend to turn around in it, and women instinctively huddle to the edge. Will a woman, dressed even in the most comfortable trouser suit, fall into the head of a woman, fall flat in her chair in the very center of the bureau, her legs spread wide apart? And for men this is a pose-favorite, it demonstrates the strength of the conqueror (in the biological and most direct sense - the sexual organs).
Vote
Men subconsciously perceive a more competent person, who expresses his opinion louder and more arrogant. And if your lyrical soprano does not stand the competition with the heroic tenor of Petrov or the bass of Berzin, concentrate on intonation - firm and self-confident.
Interruptions
Women, who were brutally interrupted, usually silently cease speaking and letting them speak out. This is mistake! It is best to make a comment immediately and calmly continue to talk. But comments like "it seems to me impolite that you do not let me explain my point of view to the end" is a waste of time.
Touch
A strong sign of domination is the breaking into someone else's private territory. Uses only those who are in the hierarchy above, and those who are below, never will not allow it. But men seem to take it for granted to touch a woman. And if you want to repulse such an attempt to dominate you, answer the same to men. Or try a piquant reception, if male domination hypnotizes you like a rabbit: just imagine that he is standing in front of you in one socks - and nothing more. If he is not a copy of George Clooney, this method perfectly removes tension.
The size
The image of a leader is always unconsciously associated with the concepts of "big" and "strong." Nature has created us more small and fragile than men. This is very beautiful, but in the struggle for domination - a clear minus, because we visually look unconvincing. Defeat can be mitigated by using different tricks. It is advisable not to let him / they look at you from above. The smaller the distance between you, the more obvious will be the difference in growth. Therefore, in an important conversation with a large-sized man, try to transparently increase the distance between you. Plan this meeting. If you will be sitting sitting, adjust the height of the chair in advance or sit at a distance. Do you suppose that the conversation will stand up? Take care of high heels. Met on the stairs? Imperceptibly from the bottom step, move higher. These tricks are very well known and used by men of small stature. For example, Nicolas Sarkozy on group photos of heads of state always rises to tiptoe.
Male Strategy Lessons
- Do not be silent
For women, long men's talk about nothing - a test of patience. But after all the man, most likely, also did not gather something to tell, he simply wished to be painted - in hope to rise from the "seventh" place even to the "sixth". These are the rules of the game: if you want to raise your rank and you have something to say (more or less coherent) - say it!
- Details and the main thing
In the games of power, modesty is not adorned categorically. To achieve something, you need to demonstrate from the first day that you have ambitions, show initiative, take responsibility. And do not fall into the trap of hard work. Pay attention that men are never told - hard-working, rather - ambitious, creative and punchy. Industriousness in this game is not highly valued, but it is very cleverly used. Who usually does all the gray and ungrateful work? Women. Men run away from it for one simple reason: it does not increase prestige and does not allow shining. Knowingly Margaret Thatcher once said: "If you need someone who makes speeches, look for a man, and if you need to solve the problem - ask a woman better."
- Status Symbols
Imagine a brilliant black "seven" BMW, which quietly and powerfully slides on the road. Who sits behind her wheel? Man, of course. And who rides on the "golf", on which it is convenient to maneuver and park? Of course, a woman. For a man, the symbols of prestige are extremely important - his Rolex, Vertu or Mobiado send a clear message to the world: the best is best. In a hierarchical relationship, they have a hypnotic power, so choose brands according to their status.
- No emotions
In the games of power, there are very unpleasant moments. Women at the same time fall into emotions, which men perceive as a manifestation of weakness. If someone has touched you, be sure to let me know about it, but keep cool. And then, if you want so, you can popinat wall in the ladies' room or pour out the soul of a friend.
- Own territory
Space is also a symbol of status: the more it is, the higher the status. And no matter how much space you own, do not let anyone seize it - by wedging it in with your elbows, sitting at your table, etc. Outline the boundaries of your personal zone!
- Briefly and clearly
Women are difficult to give control and orders, they prefer soft language: "I think it would be better if ...", "Maybe we could ...", "Somebody will have to ..." In the male world this style is no good! Therefore, always choose short and clear language and pronounce them in a friendly, clear and straightforward manner. There is also an effective psychological receiver: intonationally replace the question mark with an exclamation mark in its phrase. For example, "Maybe you will have time to do it until tomorrow!"
- Impenetrability
It's like in poker - do not give out a fleeting reaction to your opponent's cards. It is worth learning to keep a stone face - in a male environment this is at a premium. And remember: our weak spot is a pronounced reflex of a smile, and there is no place for excessive smiles in the games of power: most likely they will be perceived as a sign of submission or an invitation to flirt.
Informal situations
Men willingly use them to start relationships with the right people. Women do not get carried away with this method, but in vain. One casual conversation in a bar, sauna or on a tennis court can sometimes lead to more results than a long discussion.
Our struggle
It is believed that it is easier to work with men - maybe they fight more ruthlessly, but more honestly, and all conflicts are resolved openly. And women do it secretly: weave intrigues, gossip, spit poison. As the research shows, it is women who are virtuosos of mobilization. And their victims, as a rule, they choose women. For the fair sex it is quite natural to try to please men, and they often associate their self-esteem with the successes in this area. Therefore, they compete with each other not only as workers, but also as women (and more often - primarily as women). If for you the result in work is more important, it is better to drop out of this competition. It is enough to give a signal to the competitor: "You are the most beautiful among us." And that's all. A professionally strong rival can be an excellent incentive to self-development. And if you admire her, and maybe even envy, admit it to her - let it be a compliment from the heart. And it may very well be that instead of rivaling you will find an intelligent friend and serious support at the most important moment for you. Women's solidarity is a great strength, besides, it allows you to look at things in the office with humor. And further. We talked only about tools. Everything determines the goal. And if such a goal you have - it's time to paint your lips and boldly enter the corridors of power.