In the minds of every woman is sewn a "fairy tale code." We absorb her postulates with the mother's milk, in which this "fairy-tale chip" is also firmly seated, and at a tender age we begin to divide the world into kingdoms, women into princesses and evil witches, and men to princes and beggars. To ourselves, of course, we assign the role of the most beautiful princess, for whose love the crowds and beggars and princes will fight, but access to the soul and body will receive the most worthy of the worthy. And after a magnificent royal wedding, the prince and princess will live long and happily, as in this fairy tale. But is there a fairy tale after the fairy tale?
Unfortunately, in no fairy tale it is written how an ideal fairy-tale couple managed to live "long and happily" and "die in one day." They do not tell how lovers overcame everyday problems, family crises, how they protected their love from jealousy, selfishness and resentment. Although, what's there to sin on fairy tales? We are not taught this even more truthful sources. Neither parents, nor school, nor society take care that, entering adulthood, we leave fantastic illusions where they should be - in childhood. And creating a family, guided by knowledge of male and female psychology, they knew how to forgive and ask for forgiveness, to seek a compromise and find mutual understanding. This is the path to a wise relationship and mature love. So where to begin to build relationships, so that they are strong and for life?They built, built and finally built!
The basis of any relationship - a solid foundation, which is laid in the dawn of love. And no matter how it sounded blasphemous and unromantic, but love likes strict calculation. In it, as in the construction of houses, there must be a clear plan, designs and sketches. It is very arrogant to believe that the main thing in love is feelings, everything else will be added. Will be attached, but only if will be to what. And it's not just about the material. It will also be tightened up if the foundation of love is respect for the laws of the inner world of a person, which he trustingly admits, and the desire not to put his order there, but to agree on mutually beneficial cooperation. Yes Yes! Cooperation! Because love is work. Heavy, but very pleasant and fruitful. Of course, the words "contract", "benefit", "cooperation" cut the ears of lovers. But without them, nowhere, if the goal is to build long-term and happy relationships. And what builders of love intoxicated couples? That's right, no! Drunken builders are dangerous builders. Lovers do not think about the foundation of their house, bearing structures and communications. They, on a shaky feeling, erect concrete walls from hopes and fairy tales, vows in eternal love and promises of swan loyalty. And when a fragile feeling does not withstand such a load, they are very surprised: why did the walls collapse? Look for the guilty. And the builders are to blame, and both at the same time. Therefore, before you start creating a family, take the trouble to finish the "family-building institute".How to start building relationships?
- Learning to accept. At the initial stage of relations it is important to understand that we are all people - from characters, emotions, nerves and hormones. Everyone has the right to remain himself, without violating the rights and freedoms of a loved one. Let each other not pretend and do not wear a mask. Recognize your weaknesses and shortcomings, but choose to allow them to have them. And to understand if you can love his minuses in it, do a simple test. Divide a piece of paper in half, on one side, write down all the qualities that irritate the man, and on the other - what you love him for. Compare two columns, and honestly answer to yourself: are you ready to accept his minuses for the sake of pluses? Think about what you can change. But not in the beloved, but in yourself. After all, as soon as an unscrewed tube of toothpaste stops annoying you, and you will not be obsessed with it, it will miraculously become twisted by itself. Men can change without an onslaught.
- Learn to negotiate. Begin the relationship with the treaty about what kind of sharp angles in the character of each other is better to bypass, wait or not pay attention. For this, in a pacifying atmosphere over a cup of tea or coffee, tell each other about your attachments and "cockroaches". And write better - in one column, what you love to do, in another, then what's annoying. Speak without complaints and sharp words. And just in fact. For example: "I love it when you kiss me in the spout and call it a mouse." Or vice versa: "I really do not like being slobbered and called the names of little animals." Agree that you will not be offended if the lists appear that which, perhaps, was hushed up earlier: "I do not like to visit your friends. It seems to me that they are not sincere. Do it, please, without me. " The main task is to enter deeply into the state of introspection, to be honest and to accept the truth.
- Learn to trust. There is no point in a relationship if there is no trust in them. Do not lay this "brick" in the foundation of your love, you can not build strong relationships that do not collapse under the onslaught of jealousy, envy and gossip. Remember! The consent of a man to live with you or a stamp in his passport does not make him your property. Ask him for permission before checking his pockets before washing, working on his computer or calling his phone. So you not only show respect for his personal space, but also show an example of how you need to respect your territory. If you think that espionage will help you to better know the true intentions of your man, you are mistaken. There is no such man who, wishing to "nashodit," can not skillfully cover his tracks. And though once having caught you on shadowing, you will never trust.
- Learn to create traditions. Any relationship is strong traditions and customs. We also like to come to our parents, where the whole family gathers for Sunday lunch with the crowned mother's dish. Or every Friday, the whole family to take children to the pool, zoo or pizzeria. Strong families have their own traditions, and this makes them united and united. Let and you will have the traditions of the couple. Go every month to the cinema, arrange traditional picnics in the nature with a disco, collect on certain days with friends and play with them in "Monopoly". Or let it be your personal little traditions that will help you to know each other. For example, arrange a week of gratitude, a week of generosity, a week without claims, etc. Either let it be a week of some country. Seven days, exchange interesting words from her tongue or prepare 7 national dishes from her kitchen. Be creative and make your relationship interesting and strong.