We will meet a man who understands you with a half-word, guesses every your desire, and you think that you finally met the man of your dreams? Do you think that you have finally found your life partner, you begin to imagine how you go hand in hand to the wedding altar?
Psychologists who specialize in the issues of marriage-building relationships are advised to wait with such reflections. In such cases, one should not make hasty conclusions. It is worth pondering and posing several important questions rather than fantasizing about getting ready for a potential wedding and organizing it mentally. It is necessary to understand whether this man really suits you completely in every way. After all, if it is not so, and you are really in a hurry to withdraw, then this does not insure you from the fact that the marriage will disintegrate before you start.
Doctor of Psychology Harriet Lerner, who wrote the book "Marriage rules: a guide for married and meet", identified ten simple principles that can help determine that your potential husband is a non-parasite.
- One should clearly feel the line between emotionality, which overtakes couples at the initial stage of their relationship and closeness of spirit. Strong manifestations of feelings, which can serve only a passion, or first impressions can not serve as an indicator that between you a really strong real feeling.
- Here it is necessary to be guided not by heartbeat, but first of all by reason. After all, there is such a thing as a "candy-bouquet period," after which, if your feelings are not as believable as they seem, everything can end. At this stage of the relationship, when the partners are just beginning to get to know each other, they do not see the main thing, because they are controlled by the feelings experienced at that moment, but not common sense. Because of this, there can be no objective assessment of its second half, because during this period couples can only see good in each other, and only what they themselves want. Therefore, it is very important at the initial stage of the relationship to include the head and use common sense.
- Observation is a very important factor. In the period of your relationship, do not be separated from the outside world, and be alone together, not wanting to see anyone. It is necessary to act the opposite. Watching your chosen one and giving an opportunity to your relatives, relatives or friends, also observe and evaluate his behavior.
- Be yourself. It is very important to listen to yourself at the initial stages of the relationship. How do you behave in this relationship, are you trying to please and fulfill any desire of your chosen one, trying to seem like an ideal woman. Try to be yourself, not to adjust, but to speak and do what you want. Thus, you will be able to understand and determine, for the future, whether you will be able to accept the one that you really are.
- Appreciate your chosen one as a friend. Could you build a friendship with this person. After all, the husband must perform the role of a friend in addition to the role of a lover. Would you just have a friendship?
- Pay attention to your inner state after meeting with your half. Do you feel oppression or vice versa, are you full of energy and everything seems to be on your shoulder?
- Pay attention to the shortcomings of his personal qualities you are ready to accept. Or maybe there are those with whom you will find it difficult to tolerate in the future. It is necessary to arrange all the points at once.
- It is necessary to remember that you can not go into your relationship with your head, while losing yourself as a person. Your desires and aspirations should always have priority. After all, if the relationship does not develop, it will be very difficult for you to adapt to the world around you. When planning a wedding, do not forget that the world is full of surprises, and things can not always be as they wish.
- Always find out the subject of your conflict. Do not swallow something to avoid a quarrel. Disagreements must be eliminated by clarifying all the circumstances. After all, when you eliminate the misunderstanding, you will know each other better, and you will be able to assess how your partner behaves in such situations.
- It is important to remember that no love and no feelings can change a person in the future. If there is something that at the moment does not suit you, and you decided to postpone this question for later, referring to the fact that love is there, and the rest to be attached, then this is a big mistake. It is necessary now to decide on what you are ready to put up with in the future, and with what is not.