A small child often cries


Whatever your child is crying for, his tears mean only one thing: a small person can not independently figure out his problems and therefore needs the help of adults. So try to understand first why a small child often cries. And then help him to achieve harmony with his own "I". The main thing, do not forget to take into account the age of the child, because every age has its own reasons for tears.

The poem about Tanya, who dropped the ball into the river and now replenishes this river with burning tears, is known to more than one generation of our fellow citizens. But try to look at it from a different angle. The girl has a tragedy, and adults try to convince her that there is no reason to be upset! And here a lot of questions immediately arise. Who is right in assessing this situation - a child or an adult uncle-poet? Do all children cry when they have trouble? Does not this speak of a weakness of character? Will this kind of expression of feelings disappear with age, or will the child-crybaby forever remain so? Fortunately, psychologists have answers to all these questions. We hope that with their help, parents will be able to work out the right attitude towards their roaring children so inopportunely.

If a small child is crying, it is an SOS signal .

For a newborn, crying is a powerful help to the instinct of self-preservation. With the help of this simple technique, crumbs attract the attention of others, forcing them to take care of his health and comfort. After all, nothing else the kid can not yet - neither walk nor speak. Here he uses crying to call his mother in a difficult moment. Especially since nature in this case is on the side of the newborn - it's all arranged so that the adults inside have a certain "sensor". He instantly reacts to the crying of the child, causing us a sense of anxiety and encouraging him to rush to his aid. And this reaction is typical for adults, regardless of whose child is crying - their own or someone else's. We still experience stress, we just feel it differently. And if so, then it's normal for a newborn to cry for every occasion. Moreover, if your response is successful, and the baby quickly calms down. He is pleased, you are happy - what can be nicer?

Another thing is if you are trying to somehow improve the condition of your child, but you do not succeed. For example, the crumb was tortured by colic, his crying can not be stopped by any means. And then you are surrounded by an unpleasant feeling of your own powerlessness. You start to get tired of thinking that your child is deeply unhappy, but nothing can be done. That is, you attribute to him adult feelings and therefore feel sorry for him, as an adult would be pitied, who has a great grief. And the grief of the native child seems even more dimensionless!

In fact, everything is much more prosaic. If the baby cries - then it is likely that he is hungry, has stomach aches or wants to sleep. And let you hear in his weeping: "Oh, what am I unhappy!" - this is your fantasy, and nothing more. His emotions are not yet so developed that he knew the state of sadness or anxiety. Usually, up to one and a half years, a negative reaction occurs in the child only in connection with some physical discomfort. Therefore, direct all your efforts to eliminate these causes and do not be nervous if you do not get it done quickly. After all, sooner or later, too, the belly of a little roar will pass, and his sleep will prevail. You need to keep your composure, not only so that your excessive vzvinchennost not transferred to the crumb. In a quiet state, it will be easier for you to recognize the intonations of children's crying. So, a uniform whimper, most likely, means that the baby is awake and bored. Overwork is accompanied, as a rule, by a powerful persistent roar. A whining by increasing tells that he was hungry, and short sobs can signal about some painful sensations.

The question is rather different: do I have to run to a small child with a breakdown at the first seconds of crying, or, perhaps, better shout, light train? Experts advise to immediately respond to the crying of kids, if they are up to three months old. When a child becomes older, you must give him a minute or two to cry alone. This will only benefit his development. He would rather get used to enduring some kind of life discomfort and learn to distinguish his feelings. But a long "solo" is absolutely unacceptable. This can adversely affect the child's character, and he will grow up to be a closed or unnecessarily troubling person. So be sure to respond to the call for help. Then the little one, with a feeling of deep satisfaction, realizes that he has loving parents who understand his needs and are ready to satisfy them.

Talk to a small child more.

Since the age of two, children are gradually expanding their vocabulary and therefore can communicate with adults at a higher level. Now you no longer need to speculate on your child's desires. He just comes to you and frankly declares that he needs to change tights because of a little trouble. However, at first the kid can express his old grumbling disgust or even crying. Your task is to teach him to call things by their proper names. After all, forcing a child to express his or her vital needs, you teach him how to use normal human communication.

Has the child been buzzing for several minutes? Then help him, forcing him to say: "I do not understand what's the matter. Explain plainly what you want. " If you understand the reason why your baby cries, but he can not formulate it, do it yourself: "There is such a complicated clasp on your shoes that everyone will be out of balance." Then offer him help: "Let me show you how to deal with it." You'll see: the roar will immediately stop, and the baby will feel confident in his abilities. Sometimes tears at this age often arise, like a flash of a whim on a flat spot. Try to stop such crying at the appearance of the first signs of an approaching thunderstorm. By distracting the child with something interesting, you will gradually teach him to keep his feelings under control. But remember that in children under about 4 years of age, emotions, as well as the skills of owning native speech, are not so developed that they could do without crying at all. And there is nothing terrible in that, from insult, anger or vexation, they first of all have a stream of bitter tears. It is much worse if this reaction remains unchanged as the child grows up.

Tears of remorse.

Pre-school children in five or six years usually know how to use their native language as well as other adults. That is why such a stormy way of expressing one's feelings, like crying, is reserved for extreme situations. For example, when they feel strong physical and emotional pain. Or when they are very depressed by what happened. The cause for tears can serve any stressful situation. For example, children in kindergarten do not give passage because of a funny cap, mom at the time of harvest threw out a plush friend, the doctor is going to pull out a tooth. Crying becomes an integral part of the emotional response of the child to events and, strange as it may seem, is needed for the further development of the personality. Crying now can be not only a plea for help or a signal of poor physical well-being. Tears allow the preschooler to draw your attention to his momentary discomfort. For example, he is afraid to move to a new kindergarten. And also get rid of the restrained tension. We will tell, when it, carefully disguised, have found the same during game in hide and seek. With tears, it's easier to endure grief if there is not a puzzle, or a sense of anger, if the mother wound her ears without any reason. Parents often worry when they, in general, have an adult child's eyes on a wet place from morning till night. That is, they want to know how many sobbing a month is considered the norm. There can be no unequivocal answer, because everything depends on the temperament of the individual man. For example, there are children - mother's tails, and separation from a close person they always accompanied by violent tears. If the child is calm in such a situation, there can be two reasons: either he is not so intrusive in nature, or has great willpower and is restrained where his peer can not help crying. In any case, adults should try to calm the preschooler. And for this it is necessary to legitimize his tears: "I understand that you are sad in a kindergarten without a mother." Only do not shame the crying child in any way, especially with outsiders. This humiliating procedure will not help, but it will greatly reduce his self-confidence.

Keep in mind and that's it. A child older than 4 years begins to respond to what adults usually call remorse. Moreover, they can be so strong in a preschool child that sometimes it is difficult for him to resist bitter tears - tears of repentance for his own disobedience. And when you see that your little child is crying loudly for this very reason, do not rush to run to him with a handkerchief in one hand and with a chocolate in the other. According to psychologists, too fast achievement of a comfortable state can go to the repentant child to harm. This will prevent him from further feeling responsibility for his behavior. So, if your eldest daughter has bitterly bit a younger one, and now both are crying alike aloud and you feel sorry for both, first of all calm down the affected side. Do not give in to the parents' impulse to kiss their guilty head in gratitude for their repentance. The tears of a child who has realized his guilt serve an important cause for the development of his personality. They teach him to understand what is good and what is bad in this life.

And at this age there are crocodile tears. That is, the child already understands that using tears can be manipulated by spineless parents. I would like my mother to buy a new toy? So, it is enough to arrange a fountain of tears in the middle of the store - and the desired object immediately finds itself in the hands. Here it is necessary to react to such methods quite strictly, otherwise it will for a long time enter into the habit of a small cunning person. Admittedly, in such situations, adults are required to have an iron extract. Without it you just can not do.

If a child cries, then it grows.

The child grows up, and with it his ability to adequately perceive the world - and his inner and surrounding - is improved. The junior schoolboy speaks his native language practically at the level of an adult, he is also able to control his actions, to understand his thoughts and feelings. It is at this age that a child begins to understand the difference between the norms of behavior at home and in public places, in public. And that's why he increasingly tries to restrain tears with outsiders, and the fun of crying leaves for home, for the family.

A small schoolboy perfectly understands that if he cries at a lesson because of a deuce or in the courtyard because of an insulting loss to football, then the surrounding people will laugh at him. The child learns to determine whether this or that situation really deserves tears, or it will only look like a manifestation of weakness. Looking at adults and peers, reading books and watching films, a junior schoolboy already knows that there is crying permissible and unacceptable. For example, you can cry if your beloved dog has died. But if you were pushed around the neck in a fight, you can not do this.

And if it seems to you that your child has too often eyes in a wet place, then this science, most likely, has not yet comprehended. Then he should be helped, advised in communicating with people to use words more to express their feelings, instead of cultivating dampness. And to explain that it is much more expedient, since it will be understood sooner. Only take into account the temperament of the child and do not press him. A timid, insecure or unnecessarily troubled schoolboy can not be put in a rigid frame - and to a nervous breakdown not far away. Therefore, before he begins to comprehend the science of living without tears, try to change his mental state. Patiently and persistently bring up in him courage, faith in oneself, disaccustom him to perceive everyday troubles as a global catastrophe. And first of all, show it by your own example.

If your child often cries in silence, hiding in a corner, this may be a sign of some unsolvable, from his point of view, problem. The reason for such tears are prolonged conflicts with classmates or with teachers, terror of domestic punks, unfriendly atmosphere in the house. And here without the help of parents he certainly can not do. By the way, he understands this, but does not dare to tell them about it. True, in children 8-10 years old there is a kind of crying, which at first sight seems to us unreasonable. It comes of itself, and eventually it also suddenly ceases. These are "tears of growth", a sign of the approach of a transitional age. According to psychologists, parents should not focus on them or try to cheer up the melancholy child with all the truths and crooks. Do not disturb the maturing person. Such tears will only benefit him, because they help him adapt to the rapidly changing world.

Many parents are interested in the question, but do adults have to hide their tears from children? Here's what psychologists think about this:

- Children under the age of 5-6 can be frightened at the sight of a crying mom or grandmother. After all at this age they feel a special dependence on close people. So, they want to see them all-powerful, strong, confidently overcoming any life's hardships. So, if possible, hide your tears from small children.

- From older children, you can not hide, but only if you cry for a very good reason. Then with your help the child will gain a certain life experience. He learns that in life there are sad or tragic moments. That some of the losses are irreversible and that in such a situation tears are a natural and therefore permissible reaction for any person. For example, a mother can cry if her dad threw it. But mourning in front of the child spoiled with an iron single elegant dresses still not worth it.

"But even if your tears are caused by really serious troubles, be sure to explain their cause to your child as soon as possible, not postponing for later. Otherwise, he will become alarmed, frightened, start to get lost in conjecture and as a result will experience stress.

Remember that a small child, often crying, can have his good reasons. And to respond to crying should be the appropriate way of doing things.