In order to understand how to explain to the heir these difficult truths, parents need to first determine the motives that cause the child to start again and again his song: "And Peter throws sand ..."
If in the kindergarten criminal code there is no concept of "presumption of innocence", this does not mean that adults can also neglect it. It is not fair to call a child a whore if it was moved by a noble goal, even if only understood by him alone. To begin with, we need to find out why the youngster "laid down" the werewolf Vova or the greedy Lenochka. It is difficult for a preschooler to calculate his actions a few steps ahead and to predict their consequences, therefore, when conducting a "debriefing", always emphasize who and how this time his superfluous frankness has harmed him and what scenario could the events develop in if the baby was silent. Believe me, very few sycophants enjoy the denunciations (although, of course, such amazing specimens also occur!).
This "right" and honest child has gotten used to absolutely trusting Mom and Dad. In the absence of the parents, their powers go smoothly to the teacher: she gets not only the right to feed the karapuza with semolina porridge, but also the privilege of being the first to learn about everything that happened to him. A parrot screaming that tigers do not report meat to the zoo is a yellow-haired chick compared to a child who tries to identify all the shortcomings and excesses in a measured kindergarten life. Is it possible to conceal the fact of grabbing bread with unwashed hands? How not to notice the pillows flying around the bedroom? A child who has well learned certain rules of behavior (at a table or during a "quiet hour") sincerely strives to follow them - and requires the same from others. The kid does not feel aggression towards children complaining, he just dreams of peace and order in the whole group - in the same way Pavlik Morozov once sincerely wanted happiness to all Soviet citizens. If adults brush aside the next report, they perceive this as neglect and begin to fulfill the duties of the "beholder" with redoubled force.
How to persuade him to "get out of the dusk"? "Explain to the kid the difference between intentional and accidental actions: if Vasya broke a cup, accidentally hitting her with a hand, you do not need to convict him before the whole group. But sympathize with the awkward boy and help him to collect the pieces, of course, is worth it. "Remove the heir from the burden of responsibility for the actions of other children. The problem of a small child is that if someone else does badly, the kid still feels guilty - he is exposing the true culprit of the incident solely in order to get rid of this discomfort. Suggest a crumb of this option: do not apply to adults, and most try to help the "criminal" fix the situation - collect the toys together, put the hand torn off the doll or wipe the puddle off the floor. »Help the child to relax. A pillow fight during a "quiet hour" should actually cause joy and laughter, and not an anxious waiting for notations or punishment for a mess. "Teach a child to resist the pressure of adults. You can play the role of a typical situation - "the teacher requires you to tell the name of the defiled child." The kid should be sure that mom and dad will not scold him if he refuses to "confess." After all, you just said yourself that it's not good to be misleading.
This child does not trust his peers very much and prefers to stay close to adults. Even if the teacher - spitting Froken Bock, the kid still expects her protection and support in the event of conflicts with peers. Because of his heightened anxiety, Panicer tends to overestimate the possible danger: someone has swung at him or even accidentally touched him - and the crumb already yells that he is being beaten. In the presentation of such children, the educator is a superhero, that is, a person combining the functions of a policeman, a fireman, a rescuer, an emergency doctor and a helpline operator. Of course, not every "Maryvanna" yearns to constantly perform feats, so after another "false call" the teacher simply starts to wave away from the baby and stops reacting to his words: "Know by yourself!" And what usually does a person whose complaint they refused to accept? Correctly, appeals to other instances - in other words, roars in the evenings, paints describing his mother and father their damned life, complains to other parents on the playground and even manages to share his sufferings with the guard from the nearest store.
How to calm him down?
Do not be lazy on the bones to disassemble every child's agitated situation. If a toy is taken away from him, find out what preceded this outrageous outrage. Children under 5 years of age are difficult to share imaginary and real events. A classic example: a helicopter with which the kid wanted to play, the first was caught by his friend in the sandbox. Guard! You should tell your parents about it sooner! In this case, a reasonable mother should not spare the child, and calmly explain to him why the argument "I first wanted" does not work. If your Paniker claims that the tutor shouted at him, do not rush to run to the garden for satisfaction: maybe the teacher addressed the whole group with a demand to dress faster, but egocentrism prevented the child from adequately perceiving her words. Listening to the complaints of the youngster, divide real and mythical dangers - and teach him to do the same. If Petya threatens to throw Mishin a sock on the Moon, Misha does not need to call for help from the teacher-better than an ominous whisper to inform the offender that his pantyhose will in this case be on Mars. "Tirelessly convince the kid that you will always support and protect him, but you need to ask for help in really difficult cases. In the usual everyday situations, he should try to figure out on his own.
Strategist
Such children adapt well to kindergarten life, although they are single in nature. Strategists appreciate simple pleasures: cookies for a mid-morning snack, running around on the court, a disc with songs from cartoons and coloring with Spiderman. And they are not going to give up their favorite activities and toys because of the tricks of some hoodlum Sidorov. Fear of being punished or losing the reputation of an "obedient child" makes the baby constantly distanced from peers, therefore, as soon as a nurse appears in the field of vision of the Strategist, he goes to her and lists the who and what was guilty according to the points. It happens that the main motive of this behavior is love for the teacher. Just imagine: the sorrowful Maryvanna silently looks at the milk distributed by the unknown intruder - and here on the white horse-rocking sail appears the rescuer-strategist, carelessly pulls the unfortunate for the floor of the robe and reveals the truth to her. Is not it true, is it beauty? By the way, Strategy-girls can well consider a teacher as their best friend. And what? Against the screech-like age of the child, Maryvanna looks very respectable, she has something to talk about and, importantly, she always has something delicious. Well, the real girlfriends should share with each other everything in the world, including information about what is happening in the group. How to convince him to roll off a slippery trail? "Explain to the child that you can not play catch-up with the teacher and you do not ride from the hill - it's much more correct and fun to do together with peers. If the child is important to feel a special closeness to the teacher, think about what role he can perform by abandoning the role of the informer (good options - put together on the table or lay out the materials for classes on the desks). "Try to convince the crumb that the boycott declared by peers is much more dangerous than the reproaches or threats of an adult. Help the heir get closer to the classmates: invite one of the children to visit or walk together after the garden. As soon as the Strategist begins to feel warm feelings for his peers, he will understand: the friend's gratitude for "nedonositelstvo" is much more important than the teacher's approval!
Manipulator
Alas, in the world there are classical nonsense, for which denunciation is the main means of influence on peers. The manipulator wanted to play table hockey "without a queue"? No problem - you just have to go to an adult, squeeze out a tear and complain sincerely: "The boys have been playing for a long time, but they do not give me!" Well, how can I spare the poor fellow ?! And now he is already confidently twisting his hands and sending the puck into the goal, and he does not care about the legitimate outrage of the children who were just forced to stop the game. Often, the Manipulator does not even need to complain. It's enough just to remind the opponent about the previous successful provocations, threatening: "I'll tell you about everything, like that time!" Done! Now you can safely open the pocket wider and collect tribute: sweets, chewing gums, stickers or scarce parts from the designer. And the Manipulator acts not only for the sake of profit, it is important to him also to annoy the one to whom he complains. Yabed sometimes purposely exaggerates the guilt of another child or distorts the essence of what happened - the reasons for this behavior may be jealousy, jealousy or a long-held unhappy offense. Among the Manipulators often there are kids who are used to constantly struggle for the attention of their parents. Complaining of his younger brother or sister, the little one tries to open his eyes to his mother (father, grandmother): look, then, who you have warmed on your chest! It's bad, but I, on the contrary, are simply wonderful! After a lot of training on their relatives, the kid takes the accumulated experience and relations with peers.
How to get him back on track true? "If there are two or more children in the family, do not encourage rivalry between them - there is no need to allocate the" fastest "," most obedient "or" the most accurate. " Much more correctly - to put together a friendly "team of lightning bed spreaders." "If brothers and sisters complain about each other, calmly listen to the arguments of each and suggest that you understand the contentious situation together. It is important that children see you as an intermediary, not a punishing hand of justice. Babies of overly busy parents quickly understand: it's worth them to fall ill or even hit hard, as mom and dad throw all the important things and rush to help. So save the child from the need to depict the torment of hell because of a scratch on his knee, in order to get an extra minute of your time! Hug and kiss it just like that, admire plasticine koloboks and praise for the harnessed toys - it will not lose you, but the crumb will receive its share of attention without resorting to unnecessary tricks. "If you have looked after the heir to an excellent friend, do not praise a candidate for confidants - he is supposed to be clever, talented, and polite, and how to help his mother! It is better to give the child the opportunity to independently understand what a new friend is like.
The perception of the behavior of others develops along with the ability to analyze and generalize, so requiring a small child to keep his tongue out of ethical considerations is absolutely pointless. The desire to share your impressions, thoughts, grievances or ecstasy is perfectly normal, the question is how to "cultivate" this burning need to discuss the behavior of other people. For each age - your recipe! A child under 4 years old, being behind the threshold of the father's house, behaves like an Odessa guide: he gasps, moans, points with his finger and demands that you definitely appreciate how "my uncle spat on the ground" and "my aunt threw a candy wrapper and did not hit the box" . If you suddenly did not hear this important message, the child will certainly repeat it louder - so that the aunt who has already left the urn for a hundred meters will turn and jog back to raise the ill-fated piece of paper and send it to her destination. At this age the foundation of the attitude to the world is laid, therefore it is very important for parents not not to be lazy and explain in detail the motives of other people's actions. It is desirable to offer different versions of what happened: "Probably, my aunt did not notice how the wrapper was blown away by the wind. Or maybe her back hurts and it's hard for her to bend. " Let the karapuza form a positive perception of others - do not criticize people in small things, do not label them and try to avoid the words "good" and "bad." A child at this age is important to know how adults evaluate the actions of others. The kid tries to compare the rules of behavior adopted in the family with other people's ideas about life. It turns out that Tanya is allowed to take sweets before dinner, if she promises that she will eat the whole soup! And now your child is just sure of it - you must immediately give up prejudice about sweets and give him a bag of caramels. What?! Someone does not burn with a desire to anticipate borsch with sugar candies ?! You can not doubt - Tanya's grandmother will be told without fail that "my mother pities me candy ...". Under this woeful song, you can still make a crook house - and then Tanina Grandma's liberalism is enough to make another baby happy. And if you do not have enough, then you, get a greedy old woman, get: "And my dad says that your whole family is fat, because you eat a lot of sweets!" The child presents himself to the world as an integral part of his family - he experiences and envies, if someone's business seems to go better, and does not hide the joy when his parents are more successful or simply more beautiful than other moms and dads. It is necessary to explain to the heir that in each family their traditions, to talk about how these same traditions develop and why people suddenly prefer to behave this way, and not otherwise. The kid should learn that in the same situation you can act in completely different ways - then there will be less cause for complaints.
The five-year plans gradually begin to develop self-esteem. While she is still very unstable, it is easier for a child to increase her value by reducing the qualities of other people - each "denunciation" of peers or adults simply confirms their own high status. It is interesting that at this age children react most sharply to complaints in their address: even when they feel guilty for a bad deed, they can not forgive the one who took the place of the accuser. To save the nonsense from megalomania, you need to convince him that it can be bad or good in itself, regardless of the actions committed by other children. Everyone can be mistaken, but a really strong person will try to correct his mistake, and not start looking for other people's flaws. If someone at lunch breaks the bread, do not complain to the teacher - it's best to see if there are any crumbs on your plate.
From 6 and older, getting ready to go to school, the child tries to look more mature and identifies himself with someone from the elders: the son, grunting like an old man, settles on
a sofa next to my grandfather, my daughter, copying my mother's intonation, chiding the doll, etc. The crumb begins to consciously share family values and, encountering a violation of the norms adopted at home, seeks to improve the situation. The heir is already familiar with the concepts of "betrayal", "cowardice" and "deception", and therefore, with your help, he is already able to understand the difference between pauperism and recourse to assistance. Do I need to tell the grown-ups that the boys decided to set fire to the poplar fluff next to the transformer booth? Is it worth it to call a tutor if the whole group plays duck with the hat of the most harmful girl? These extremely difficult questions from the point of view of the six-year plan call for parents to have uncommon wisdom. You need to intelligibly explain to the kid that, when making a decision, he should focus not on the desires of others, but on his own ideas about the consequences of certain actions. Offer the child such an algorithm of actions: "ask the pranksters to stop dangerous fun; "Offer friends an alternative (for example, to give the hacker her hat, but not to take in the game); "If the proposal is rejected, warn about the intention to complain to an adult; "The warning did not work? You can safely call for help from a teacher or parent! In our article "A child is again a slobber of a koryabed, again for the old" you have learned how to behave with a little bad guy who constantly complains.