Quite common is the situation when they bring up not their children, although they were not originally ready to accept another's child. The theme of educating someone else's child has always been and is relevant. For many, this is a real problem, requiring a change in your psychological attitudes - and you will agree, it is not so simple. Tips on how a woman to accept someone else's child can be heard on many talk shows and read on various forums. But do not blindly follow the advice of someone else's experience, because the perception of the situation and the attitude towards it are different for all people, which means that in this case someone else's experience can even do harm. If a woman is not able to accept someone else's child, then first, you need to try to understand the reasons for this. The reasons are divided into several categories:
- at the level of the senses (indifference, rejection, anger);
- at the level of emotions (frustration, depression, aggression, active rejection);
- at the level of consciousness (evaluation of negative consequences, weighing "for" and "against", compliance with the life plan);
- at the level of attitudes (psychological block).
Let's look at each level in more detail. The level of feelings determines the state where, for a woman, and inexplicably for herself, a foreign child either does not cause feelings, or causes irritation or anger. This behavior is explained by an internal, perhaps even unconscious, reluctance to be a parent at all.
If a woman is already a mother, then such feelings also arise on an unconscious level because of jealousy and the desire of the child to extol over all other children, this is called blind motherly love. It is not easy to eliminate such causes. The only thing that can be recommended to a mother is to pay attention to another child, to try to admire his successes and to become his friend first. The reasons for rejection at the level of emotions are expressed in nervous breakdown, depression and active opposition to the child. Unlike the previous level, a woman realizes that the alien child for her is a struggle with herself, she is in a depressed state and does not know how to get out of it. The causes of this level are eradicated themselves, only this takes time. The inability to accept another's child at the level of consciousness is explained by the rationality of the woman. Perhaps she is a careerist and keeps her life under control, and the appearance of another's child was not at all in her plans. In this case, the alien child completely does not correspond to the life plan and seems to be a threat to the successful construction of its future. Such reasons are also uprooted, but not by themselves - a woman should think about how to accept someone else's child and build a mini-plan, and then harmoniously fit it into their life plan.
Reasons at the installation level are among the most difficult, because to overcome them it is necessary to break down the psychological block that the woman herself has erected. Such a block arises from the so-called "winding up of thoughts". A woman is afraid of accepting someone else's child, because this means making a difference in life, and the psychological block helps to get away from all problems. But this is just an illusion, because you can not live hiding "in the shell." The wall of defense can be so well erected that it will require the help of a competent psychologist. Whatever the reason for the complexity of accepting another's child, a woman must first decide for herself why she is taking this step and how important it is for her to become a mother for someone else's child. Answers to these questions will help her fight emotions and bad thoughts.
A man should also think about how a woman accepts someone else's child, helps and supports her. Each of us was born to be happy and to love. And what prevents? Only psychological attitudes, the path to happiness should be open to our consciousness and emotions, then the woman will be able to share happiness with the child. Nature has created a woman as a mother, and the flame of love lives in the heart of each of us. Is it possible that a child, albeit a stranger, did not deserve that this flame warmed him? A woman who has not lost in her vanity days the ability to love, will no longer call someone else's child a stranger.