Recently, a well-known American magazine ranked the most polite cities in the world. Alas, Moscow was in one of the most recent places. Muscovites do not hold the door, sellers do not say "thank you" to buyers. And if a person dropped a pile of papers on the street, no one helps him to collect them. But these are flowers. If the researchers tried to communicate with our officials, traffic cops or doctors in the polyclinic, it would not be enough.
However, not only the residents of the capital of Russia are rude. In many large cities of the former Soviet Union rudeness is often generally equated with wit. The ability to "take off" the interlocutor, "put in place" is even admired. Such people are considered "tongued", such as "do not put a finger in your mouth". Meanwhile, there is really nothing to be proud of. By the way, after promulgating the results of the investigation, the Moscow authorities allocated 700 million rubles for "the formation of a positive image of the capital." True, it is unclear how this money will wean saleswomen and officials to be rude, and ordinary Muscovites will be forced to hold the door at the entrance to the metro.
A furious past
All of our Soviet history helped to bring out a new breed - "a man hamyaschego." The ability to "cut from the shoulder" was a confirmation of the worker-peasant origin. The polite vocabulary of intellectuals was mocked. It is known that all secretaries used mat in their speech. They were imitated by the lower commanders. There was even such a stereotype: the boss cheated you - then he is frank. But if you do not hear from him a bad word, then wait for a dirty trick: it is not known what is on his mind.
Most people interviewed by scientists noted that now they became more rude than in Soviet times. Perhaps, the respondents are failing memory (still, in expensive stores with frank rudeness you rarely meet), or maybe it is. Stress, the desire to assert itself, uncertainty in the future - all this does not contribute to the friendly attitude of people to each other. Scientists predicted that it would take at least 150 years for the atmosphere in the country to change and become softer. Hence, we will have to live in anticipation that at any time we can be offended, insulted.
Decent repulse
Psychologists believe that the best reaction to rudeness is not paying attention to rudeness. But recently psychologists have noticed that this method does not suit everyone. Some people then start gnawing themselves for not being put in place by the rude. If you are inclined to such samoedstvo, it is better to immediately rebuff the person who humiliated you.
What to do: Look closely at the boor. But not in the eyes, but in the region of the bridge of the nose. Here, as the Indians say, there is a "third eye" through which information goes directly to the subconscious. Speak with the boor in a firm, determined, rather loud voice. But do not go to scream. Keep your body under control: do not slouch, lift your chin up, if your hands are shaking, put them in your pockets. Sometimes it's enough, using these techniques, to say one phrase: "Stand in line!" Or "And now take my hands off me!" - and the hooligan retires.
Ignore three times!
However, if the ruffian does not threaten you personally and if you are not inclined to reproach yourself for not having put him in place, it's best not to pay attention to rudeness. A person specifically provokes you, trying to entice him into his battlefield, where he feels great. And your unwillingness to enter into contact with him, he perceives as the most serious insult. It's another matter how to ignore the rudeness directed at you.
What to do: The well-known reception of "dressing up" very well helps. Suppose, on the bus on you "runs over" is not at all an old man, demanding to give him his place. Summer, all in light light clothes. And imagine the rude in a sheepskin coat, a hat with earflaps and worn felt boots. Your unexpected reaction - with barely suppressed laughter - will put the boor to a standstill. And you can imagine the whole situation from the perspective of a fly on the ceiling. She looks down and sees that the "giants" are fighting for the place, well, just like her fellows for a drop of honey (or something else).
And the best thing is to mentally send to the enraged person what he lacks in life. Imagine your rude, drowning in soft armchairs. It is worth it to raise his ass, as helpful young women put under him a chair with a cushion in a flower. Send him this picture, saying to himself: "Let rest come to you". Every time when you manage to "ignore three times" a rude who provokes you to a conflict, congratulate yourself: you have become stronger!
"Do not you deign ..."
Hardly even the most notorious ruffian thinks: "I'll go now and be rude to everyone". Still, each of them in the depths of his soul knows that to offend others is bad. But when a person is rude, most often he thinks that he is restoring justice or teaching another, stupid, to behave correctly. If you call things by their proper names or respond politely to rudeness, it breaks the bully's plans and puts him at a dead end.
What to do: Ask the rude: "Do you want to offend me specifically?" Or say reproachfully: "After all, you can say the same thing, only politely." Most likely, in response you will hear a muffled muttering. But the heat of passion will immediately drop to zero. If to your question, where to put a stamp, the bureaucrat barked that she was not a reference bureau, calmly thank: "Thank you, you explain so well that everything became clear immediately." This for a moment will return her to her deep "I", where it appears that to be rude is bad.
Such phrases can be prepared in advance, so that they automatically pop up at the right time. If everything is done according to psychology, ignoring rudeness, you will save your nerves and human dignity. It is important to understand whether a person is rude to you, or he has psychological problems.