This is an extremely dangerous period in the life of men - 40-50 years. At this age begin to sum up the life results, at times they seem disappointing. Many people conclude that existence has lost its meaning, and try to catch up. Most often, men find salvation in a new attachment - the average age is the highest number of adultery. Meanwhile, very few decide on a new marriage ...
The behavior of a married man after forty is dictated by a crisis of middle age. Almost every family experienced it to some extent. More often, of course, the husband "fools". Someone even took the suitcase and left. True, most of them this suitcase behind the door put an injured wife when she found out that a demon had knocked at the rib. And in vain ...
When an insane knocks on the edge, a man never (at least at the beginning of a "binge") does not plan to leave his family. He is not looking for a new wife - he is looking for a new stimulus in life, new sexual sensations, a new emotional charge. Because for 15 - 25 years of married life (we are talking about an exemplary family man), the passionate feelings towards his wife have been somewhat dulled. And this is natural, although women do not want to agree with the obvious. We all want to believe that passionate love can last a lifetime. Alas ... Love-passion through a couple of years of family life is gradually transformed into a calmer feeling. Some say it's a habit. No, not in habit - in attachment, in spiritual intimacy, soul affinity. when both spouses are comfortable with each other (at least, so it should ideally be).
However, time goes by, and after forty in the man's consciousness an alarming "bell" is heard. He feels that he is losing sexual power. In fact, this is normal: the peak of sexual activity of the stronger sex falls on 30-33 years, and after 37-40 years, its natural decline comes. But the man is frightened: "Just a little bit, and I'm an old man ?! But I also did not live - as in books they write, as in the cinema they show. Yes it can not be, I'll prove what I can do. It is necessary to find such a woman, so that she will lead me! "And it starts all the hard. But the man after forty years implies that the other woman is just a mistress, because his lawful wife is quite happy with him - as a true companion of life, a good mistress, a virtuous mother of his children.
The behavior of a married man dictates a spiritual surge, a new feeling, he feels good. Do you know what he thinks at this time? No matter how one learns nothing. He is a good worker, caring husband and father. And the most interesting, during this period he can have the most beautiful relationship with his wife. He gives her gifts, kisses in the morning, leaves for work, kisses in the evening, on time returning from work, at night - excellent sex. He is on the rise, he manages everything. And there, and here. Hooray, he is again in good shape - cheerful, strong, young! ..
However, one day someone "knocks" his wife. And who does it most often? Mistress. She after all as thinks? "A good man, intelligent, once he meets with me, so he does not like his wife. We must take it! "... That's the point, that he loves! It's just that his period is so critical, well, like the women's climax ... If the betrayal did not open, the conflict did not start, believe me, everything in his family would be fine. And after a year and a half, a maximum of two, this nonsense from the male head would have gone. As they say, he ran and calmed down. Of course, an attentive wife can guess, feel that her husband has someone on the side, it is quite possible to determine by some criteria. But, perhaps, it is better not to know about it? .. Unfortunately, we have been taught since childhood: the bitter truth is better than the sweet lie. Is not it? We are accustomed to everything, including human relations, feelings, emotional torment, to approach with cruel maximalist standards: black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. Faithful means he loves. The infidel means a traitor, a scoundrel. And there are no other options? ..
What can we do for women?
By this age, men after forty years must all be ready, because everyone will survive it. Only half of the "victims" do not know about it. I know examples when, after forty women started to spree, and this happened in beautiful, one might say, exemplary families. And in the same families, in my eyes, "men", who until now were considered exemplary husbands, "quietly" wandered quietly. And all this eventually came to an end. Of course, if a "good man" did not report to his wife or husband.
Do not think only that I justify adultery and that it should just give up. No, from stress and from family showdowns not to leave. But how can this be done? Let's think - what would a husband prefer, if his wife found out about his adventures? To him behind a closed door arranged a showdown, a scandal, even if they had stuffed their muzzle, but only they would not take the dirty linen out of the house. That he said: "Yes, I am guilty, I will not do it again." Believe me, in half of families in a similar situation and do. And it really stops. But many women act differently. And then they regret it.
There is an opinion that a wife after forty, if she wants to remain attractive to her husband, you must especially watch the figure, do fitness, wear erotic underwear and so on. Then the husband will not look at the other. Nonsense. In fact, a woman should always follow her, out of respect for herself. But turning it into fanaticism is unreasonable. A movie star, Elina Bystritskaya, also changed her husband after forty-five, and she's a beautiful woman. A man just wants other sensations, and then neither the beautiful figure nor the glamorous underwear will save him - he will go from this glamor to a simple woman. And not the fact that to the younger. He will go to another. Which one? And most often a man does not care, therefore, let's say, to a comfortable one: the host, who provides his apartment for meetings, which does not require much ... After all, a married man after forty is not forced to strain, to spend a lot of money. Often, such women are "at your side", at work. And, alas, there are quite a lot of them today - lonely, unsettled, longing for a man's affection, and therefore ready to be comfortable.
Expel or forgive?
And here's the question: how do you do the wife, if she found out about the betrayal of her husband? Unfortunately, women, as a rule, begin to "break firewood": scandal, go to work husband, to mother, to girlfriends, go to understand that woman ... And in this way they expose the husband a fool, a scoundrel. And the wheel turned upside down! ... The insulted and offended wife shows the "traitor" on the door, sends her to live with her mother, drives her to sleep on the cot, waits for him to crawl to her on his knees to apologize ... Or she herself tears her mistress's hair. As a result, because of the wife's unreasonableness, the family disintegrates. Yes, as a rule, most of the time the marriage falls apart not because of the betrayal of her husband, but because of the wife's wrong behavior after the betrayal was opened.
The first thing that a woman should do in such a situation is to close her mouth to the castle. The husband will be very grateful for the fact that his wife behaved wisely. Yes, justice will prevail if "it does not seem too small to him", but, as I already wrote, all emotions are in my apartment, behind a closed door. And for starters - to shut your mouth for everyone: for neighbors, colleagues, girlfriends, family friends and even for your own parents. My husband is already ashamed of his wife and children, he does not want to be judged (and gossiped) by the whole white light.
That's who can become a reliable ally, so it's ... my mother-in-law. Yes, yes, first of all she will not want a scandal. She will be ashamed before the people for the behavior of a married man - her son. Secondly, she feels sorry for her grandchildren. And, thirdly, she simply feels sorry for all the good, her labors and the money that she invested in this family. Of course, she will say to the daughter-in-law: "It's her own fault - her husband does not walk from a good wife" (and then, at every opportunity, she will remember again twenty times), but her strategic task will be fulfilled-her son's fist will threaten: "Er, yes, you Well, all in his dad! I'll show you love! .. "And Father will quietly advise:" Son, do not be silly, do not you dare leave your family! Believe me, women are all different, and wives are all the same. "
Often deceived wife oppresses one circumstance - the absence of any information about the opponent. Therefore, the second, which is desirable to make the "victim", to obtain information. The husband should not be tried out - he will not tell the truth anyway: he will dodge and hide the ends in the water. And rightly: he must deny himself to the last and do not say more than his wife knows. Or immediately fall on your knees and swear that he does not know how it turned out, that he was seduced seductively, drugged, bewitched ... This, by the way, is the most convenient and winning option for the unmasked.
But his wife does not know anything - scary: this is how to fight the enemy blindfolded. Here you need a reliable person who will enlighten and yet not smash the mystery "to the whole world in secret". Where can I find it? It is worthwhile to look among the colleagues of her husband an authoritative woman of the age. As a rule, adultery for colleagues is not a secret. It's only the wife who always finds out the last.
And then, finally, the wife found out everything. What to do next? The third rule: in any case, do not go to deal with the opponent! Firstly, when you go to someone to ask or demand something, you are already losing. Secondly, until his wife saw her husband's mistress - for her everything is abstract, semireal, not so painful. And when she sees the opponent specifically, emotions begin: either that beautiful and young, and this is offensive - "I spent his youth on him, and he! .."; and if that is older and not so beautiful, it outrages - "to whom he exchanged me?". Sometimes, from anger, I want to pull my hair up. And this is one hundred percent loss. Therefore, it is not necessary to go to the rival to understand. And in general, it will be much honor to her!
In this situation, the woman who has more endurance, intelligence and female cunning will win. If the husband is expensive, the wife should say to him: "You love her, go, but know: I love you too, and I can not live without you, because you are my whole life." The golden rule: if you want to withhold - let go. But in any case you can not chase the husband herself! Lovely women, do not give anyone here so simply, hot, from evil, through the stupidity of their husbands! Even if the soul at that moment is unbearable, do not hurry to cut it off. Listen carefully to the husband (husband, not strangers), think and understand it. And to understand is to forgive.
And finally: if you are extremely attentive to each other, if you do not transfer all the love and care for children, work, girlfriends, animals, entertainment, fashion, politics, sports, God knows what else, if you do not exclude from the list of your beloved husband, then it is possible that the demon, knocking on the edge, will not get through. And you to delve into the particular behavior of a married man after forty years simply do not have to.