As a result, the pundits singled out several hypotheses to understand what it is - a crisis in relations, and how to deal with it.
Until now, some experts believe in the theory of "push". It is noted that such serious tests in the life of a man and a woman, like the death of relatives, illnesses, arrests or treason, can sink even the strongest relations. However, years after the emergence of the theory of critical events as a basis for discord, an important clarification emerged: not every pair of tests can disintegrate. Some lovers only come together in times of unrest and problems.
So over time, in psychology and sociology, there were theories of "development of the reverse process." Now scientists have undertaken to prove that any relationship develops from easy sympathy to love, and then go back the way from love to boredom and frustration. This theory also turned out to be wrong. Crises in the development of relations, as it turned out, are bypassed by some couples. This means that as such, there is no general line for the development of relations for all loving couples.
Theories of calendar development crises prevail in the psychology of the family. That is, there are certain dangerous, potentially fraught periods in the life of the family, in which all couples may have conflicts or misunderstandings. It can be said that all modern researchers of the family and relationships are still operating within the framework of calendar theories of crises. Only now the crisis of development of relations between men and women is considered comprehensively - within the framework of all theories. Yes, some families do not withstand severe trials. Yes, some couples go through the degradation of feelings and the reverse development of relationships. And yes, the explosion points and potentially explosive periods are more or less clearly marked by scientists. But all this should not be thoughtlessly applied to a single pair.
It will be much more useful to understand what contributes to crises, and what reduces the risk of improper development of relations. We list only a few possible reasons for the disintegration of relations.
The first and most common property of losers in love is selfishness. In our time, selfishness is fashionable, it is enforced by television and glamorous "secular lionesses." In real life, selfishness hinders the building of relationships. "Tell him everything you think, do not let him manipulate, learn how to raise self-esteem, how to get a man to do this or that," - such advice is rich in any glossy magazine. But the union of two egoists is the most unstable formation. If you want to take, giving nothing in return, then you should not expect strong relations. For the development of serious relationships it is important to be able to give your beloved person time, share with him care, take part in solving his problems.
The second widespread phenomenon, which undermines the relationship in a pair, is money quarrels. Especially bad for the development of relations is the availability of common loans, mortgages or large debts to friends. People take money to improve their everyday life, improve the living conditions of their families, and make not so much comfort, not as emotional relationships in the family. The global economic crisis only exacerbates the negative impact of this factor, but if you are a person dear, think a hundred times before sharing with him the responsibility for loans. Yes, and push him to the fact that he climbed into the debt hole for your own whims, too, not worth it.
The third important provocateur of crises in respect of - the intervention of the parents of one of the partners. It is especially difficult for those who are dependent on their parents financially or forced to live with them. In Russian culture, alas, parents up to the retirement of their children try to help them with advice or materially. And often their guardianship turns into excessive, which in the most pernicious way affects the relationship between a man and a woman.
The fourth cause of crises in relations is overload and stress. A modern resident of a metropolis works so much that sometimes comes home only to sleep a few hours. He can not see his wife or children for weeks or even months. Of course, in this situation, not to sincere conversations or elementary sex. Between the lovers there is alienation, which, if not dealt with, can lead to the disintegration of the couple. Incidentally, it is accumulating fatigue and irritation, coupled with rare occurrences, that may lead one or both spouses to illness or treason. And these are events critical for any couple.
So, by and large, there are no universal clues to the causes of crises in the relationship between a man and a woman. Each time this can be a combination of factors that makes any problem in an individual relationship and requires a separate analysis.