"Oh, envy, envy! How much bile! .. "- as it is precisely told. Although, on this topic, many women would react differently. Someone really believes envy is a vice, someone will say that envy is such a special sense of justice, and someone will sincerely ask for advice on how to get rid of it. Is it possible to make jealousy of other constructive feelings? Completely! The main thing - to want.
The first in life comparison lies in wait for us in the maternity hospital: "Wow, and our girl was much bigger!" Next on the list is a school, an institute, a job, a family. The behavior and success of the people around us become a stencil for us, where we try to shove ourselves and are very upset when we can not do it.
Looking back one day, you find that a friend of the same age is more successful married, moves faster along the career ladder and the waist has five centimeters less. A detailed analysis of her life path does not reveal anything particularly special in her character and behavior. What did she deserve all this?
The neighbors have green grass ...
The temptation to look into someone else's life arises when things are not going well for us. There is a special feeling, it becomes easier if you make sure that there are not all in pink bows. And if not? Then there is envy. Self-esteem is rapidly declining, there are doubts and feelings of dissatisfaction with oneself.
There may be another reaction: to accept the challenge and fight for "victory," proving that you are no worse than those with whom you have been compared. That is, go and buy yourself the same coat as a neighbor. To paint the bedroom walls in a softly violet color, like Nadia's. In addition, you can always raise the bar a little higher, tighten a little more ... and become a happy owner of a dorogusche and unnecessary food processor with the function of access to the Internet. My friend, for example, defended her thesis in the act of a former classmate with two higher educations. The certificate that she is a candidate of technical sciences, now stands in her cupboard. She herself continues to work as a consultant in the furniture salon. And the feeling of discontent with your life grows like a snowball.
Why do I need a palace?
It is interesting that comparisons almost always occur in "their weight category." The inhabitant of the old "Khrushchev" does not come to mind envying the Sultan of Brunei, who lives in the palace. But he is very interested in the fate of Ninochka from the neighboring entrance and the way she was able to move into a posh apartment in the center of the city, without having either rich husbands or decent earnings in the asset.
The same goes for appearance. It makes no sense to build parallels with the "translucent" top models, prancing on the podium. But why not compare yourself with a colleague at work who, with the same preposition to completeness, has a slender figure?
It turns out that the very fact of comparison contains a hidden hint: if your quite ordinary colleagues, friends, acquaintances could achieve something in life, then you will be able to!
Always someone is better
Envy and a habit of comparing oneself with others can play a cruel joke: the most serious personal achievements will fade in front of other people's successes. Comparing ourselves with someone, we devalue our own efforts, depriving ourselves of the motivation to move on. What is the point of something to achieve if the girlfriend is still ahead? And it seems that in life there is no place for justice.
But even if a person constantly wins these comparisons, he falls into a treacherous trap. Quite quickly he begins to believe in his exclusivity and his chosenness. However, life is such that there is always someone better in it. And if you are accustomed to comparing yourself, a depressed mood is assured to you!
How to get rid of the habit of comparing yourself with others?
• Identify your own interests and implement them. When we are engaged in a favorite business, we do not have time (and desires) for captious comparisons of ourselves with others.
• Try to do everything possible to achieve your goals. The knowledge that you have given the full program will give you a reason to be proud of yourself, even if the result did not meet all expectations. In addition, you have already won the most important competition - with your laziness.
• Allow yourself to be imperfect. After all, who said that always and everywhere you have to be the best? Learning to be pleased with yourself, you will exhaust the reasons for doubt.
• Do not compare other people with each other, or you risk falling into a vicious circle: the more you compare others, the more they compare you. Tested in practice.
• When the next time you have a temptation to start looking back at someone, take a deep breath and mentally count to ten. The main thing is to catch yourself at the very beginning of a destructive impulse.
Sample of success
Since we are given the ability to envy, let it be an incentive for self-improvement. To talk about envy "this is such a special sense of justice" will not help. You will not cease to compare and suffer. It is necessary to learn how to correctly try out possible variants of changes in life. A friend opened her design studio? There is no point in envying or trying to follow in her footsteps. It is better to remember which occupation attracts you personally. Maybe you have a long-standing hobby or a dream? Take care of this business, think through the development strategy, and success will come of itself.
If suddenly the area of your aspirations coincides with what your friend did, show sincere interest and ask her about how she managed to achieve such impressive success. Ask for advice. Often such an exchange of experience stimulates us to take independent steps and develop our own talents.
To correctly choose your direction, it is useful to try on someone else's life, like clothes in the store. Get involved in the game: imagine yourself in the "skin" of someone who is jealous. Do not be afraid to climb, mentally, taste its life, family way, personal relationships, work - do you feel comfortable, do not press anything, do not rub? Perhaps what you envy, on closer examination, you will not seem so attractive. Well, if the picture "from within" still you like, safely embark on the realization of your own dream. And do not look at anyone!