Stay friends
Parental divorce inspires constant stress in children, and it does not matter how old they are at that time. Naturally, the baby is wondering why one parent leaves the other. The little one might even think: "What if they leave me?" Some experts say that children can feel normal when they leave their parents if Mom and Dad knowingly continue to give them the proper attention, as before. And many divorcing couples are ready for peaceful relations with each other for the well-being of their children. Where did the tendency to divorce "in a friendly way" go? First of all, this is explained by the fact that the trials on divorce proceedings underwent a number of changes in order to protect the interests of children in divorce proceedings. So, for example, in 28 US states couples who decide to divorce must attend special courses, where they are explained how to avoid conflicts and bear parental responsibilities together. Most dads and moms, who passed through their parents' divorce in childhood, try to protect themselves from the experiences of their children during parting with their spouses. Fathers in this case are involved in the life of the child. And this factor has its advantages: children, whose father is always there, can easily endure the separation of their parents, while the popes, while they are close to the children, better fulfill their obligations, including financial ones, in relation to the kids. Divorce, in which former spouses remain on good terms, is needed by everyone: to mother, father, and children. Cases when the separation of parents severely injures children, not so much, but the negative consequences may arise later. "
Bad relationship
Often, the disintegration of marriage (even the most unfortunate) leaves after itself disappointment, anger, resentment and depression. And yet, despite the bad relationship, the couple should come to a consensus. Of course, it is difficult to be polite to those who had to part from circumstances due to circumstances, and yet it is worthwhile to establish relations, because the way the interactions will be in the first time of individual residence will set the tone for years ahead. There are several ways that help make divorce less traumatic for children. "I and my husband Ilya finally decided to divorce. Of course, I understood that our children, five-year-old Masha and three-year-old Ivan, can regard this step as a tragedy, because they loved us both. And it happened. The divorce affected their worldview, but I did not immediately realize how much. Ilya left. The first three days, Ivan woke with his own weeping, Masha fell asleep in tears, - says 35-year-old Elena, who divorced her husband three years ago. Time passed, and after a few months I told my sister that the children were used to it. The babies showed their aunts their drawings, and she, looking at them, said to me: "Look, what gloomy colors and terrible animals on them." And I saw that almost every child drawing depicted some strange monsters, and even the grass and clouds were mostly black. Seven years have passed, and it seems to me that everything is in its proper place. With a former husband, we have a partnership, and he meets at least three times a week with children. With Ilya, we would not like to recall what led to the dissolution of marriage, but for our children this topic is relevant. They constantly have questions about this. "
1) Soften the bad news
Children will remember the first conversation about changes in the family for a long time. What exactly mom and dad tell them, and will affect how the child will feel after the parents break - anxiously or relatively calmly. You should talk with the children a few days before the final travel, otherwise the disappearance of one of the parents without explanation of the reasons can scare the baby. Ideally, both spouses should be present when talking with the child and mention that they made this decision together and that it will be better for everyone. Explain to the kid that once mom and dad loved each other, but now they do not want to live together, because they can prevent each other from being happy. It is not necessary to falsify the communication with the child and be afraid to show your feelings - let the kid realize that there are situations, such as separation, in which a person can be in a depressed mood. It is very important to let the children know that there is no fault in this separation, and be sure to remind you that both of you still love him and never give up, even if you have to live in different crowbars. "
2) Protect the crumbs in the early days
Try to remain calm and positive attitude to life, despite the divorce, so as not to frighten the baby. You can tell him that every person needs to be strong. But you yourself understand very well that for a successful resolution of the divorce process you will have to be stronger than ever.
3) Do not speak ill to the former spouse
Most of us understand that it is wrong to make children of intermediaries to clarify the relationship, and yet it is sometimes difficult for us to realize that a child, even the smallest, can thus assimilate negative moments of communication between once close people. Therefore, at difficult times for you, when you want to pour out your soul to your friends on the phone, keep in mind that the kid may be somewhere nearby and hears you.
4) Stick with the schedule
Children of divorced parents have to depend on a lot of everyday household trivia, and they can get nervous about this. The greatest impact that the divorce on my son Vanya made was his constant need to know what the next plan of action is, he now needs to know exactly with whom he is meeting today, where and at what time. We divorced when my son was three years old, and now I have a calendar on my house where my son and I celebrate the days of our meetings.
5) Do not confuse responsibilities for raising a child and finding out the relationship between each other
Moments when parents begin to "share" the baby by the day, are very exciting for the child's psyche, because the child understands that there is a tense relationship between mom and dad. Dad came to take the child for a walk, and this is absolutely not the time to begin to find out the relationship.
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