At that moment, an unpleasant clanging sound like the word "divorce" sounds. Once the great Leo Tolstoy said that happy families are similar, and every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. In the two centuries that have passed since these words, nothing has changed. If the family is formed and happy, then this reason is not sought, and if something in the family life went wrong and not there, then I want to find the sources, determine who is to blame, in what exactly is to blame.
I want to understand what exactly broke in the relations of people whose happy faces are watching from wedding photographs and whether it is possible to fix it, or if everything has really broken down irrevocably, there is no reverse move and divorce is the only and best way out.
Despite all the variety of causes of divorce, the many versions put forward on both sides - the main reasons leading to divorce can be reduced to the following groups.
The first group is where divorce really is the only opportunity for one of the family members to save their lives, health and self-respect. It's about families that fall apart because of the cruelty of one of the spouses, both physical and moral. Pogoi, insults, bullying - this is the reason for the divorce, which is not urgent. To hesitate or ponder in this situation is impossible.
The second group is a divorce in connection with the addictions of one of the family members. Drinking, drug addiction, addiction to gambling. These defects have the properties of the disease and are sometimes treatable. Therefore, the decision to divorce can not be taken in a temper, without making attempts on both sides to cope with these unpleasant morbid phenomena. But, if attempts are made by only one party, then the positive effect is unlikely to be achieved. Sometimes the relationship of the spouses deteriorate for entirely different reasons, and any drinking wine is given out for addiction to alcohol and for the main reason for discussing the issue of divorce.
Perhaps, all the other reasons for divorce have no objective reasons. Their roots lie in the causes of subjective. These reasons are expressed in different words, various reasons and occasions are given, mutual accusations and reproaches. Spouses in the period of divorce express each other everything that has gathered and boiled over the period of life together. "He earns little," "She's slovenly," "He does not help with household chores," "She does not know how to cook," "He comes late from work," "She's late from work." These reasons become the main for divorce in the first years of life, and behind all of them there is fatigue from living together, inability or unwillingness to adjust to each other, juvenile maximalism (not dependent on actual age) against the background of the extinction of an exciting and exciting feeling of love.
Mutual relations of spouses in the period of divorce caused by these reasons are very unstable and changeable. They swing as a swing from mutual hatred to temporary truces and even to new outbursts of love, again interrupted by mutual reproaches. Such periods can last for a long time, often recurring, and eventually either lead to a final break, or they quietly go back to the past and peace and harmony prevail in the family, or at least mutual tolerance and the ability not to focus on the partner's shortcomings.
In such cases it is very important not to interfere in the relationships of the spouses, not to support one or the other side, not to inflame the situation in the family even from the best motives. Usually this sin is inherent in the parents of the spouses, sometimes the best friends. Any intervention in family affairs from outside (if speech does not go about a threat to life or health) is fraught with unpredictable consequences. No matter how the family relations develop in the future, outside interference will not be forgotten. With one careless word, you can forever destroy your family and find yourself in the role of the eternal accused in this destruction. If the family still survives in all these cataclysms of life, all the same, the relationship with one of the partners will be permanently ruined.
Particularly painful are the relationships between spouses during the divorce period of their children. In childhood everything seems eternal. Happiness is unbreakable, problems are not solvable. Therefore, any quarrel, and even more so the process of divorce, very much affect the psyche of the child, both very young and young. The mass psychological imbalance of modern children is due to the fact that more than half of them live in single-parent families or with a foster parent (more often a father, but the adoptive mother is also not uncommon). Therefore, in the period of divorce, parents should be especially cautious in communicating with children and not shift their problems to their fragile souls and shoulders.
If the speech nevertheless reached the legal divorce, the crossing and the division of property, then all the reasons that served as the basis for divorce again become objects of bitter controversy and are used as arguments in an attempt to win back more of their acquired property. No one disputes that everything is hard work for us, but it is better to keep good relations with each other than any material values. In life, you can find many examples where the spouses after the divorce continue to maintain good relations, jointly take care of children, help each other in case of need. Also, there are often people who continue to hate each other after many years of separate life. Look at those and others, listen to them and try to remain people even in such a difficult life situation as a divorce. Take into account all the lessons of your life, remember your mistakes and other people's mistakes, so as not to repeat them in the future. After all, after the divorce life continues and our attitude towards it depends on what it will be.