The main thing is to understand: the child ignores your requests and instructions not from harm (to "get you out and exhaust your nerves"), but because this is his age norm. Parents must necessarily know the main thing about a child of 4 years old - this is the peculiarity of the development of his nervous system. It is up to four to five years for the baby to dominate the process of stimulation. This means that if a toddler is very keen on something, then his attention is difficult to switch to calmer matters. He has an involuntary braking process, that is, the child is still unable to control his condition. He can not calm himself, if he is very happy or, for example, scared. This is expressed more or less depending on the temperament. All this means that the parents' demands for self-control ("Calm down you!") When the child is too overexcited is a completely useless thing. Believe me: the child would be happy to calm down, but he simply can not do it. This skill he will master only years to 6-7, just to school.
Rules of communication with the child
They are based on the physiological features of the predominance of excitation over inhibition. So, if you want to communicate correctly with the child, so that he heard and understood you, you need to do the following:
1. Be careful with the expression of your own emotions. If the parents are in an excited state (angry, irritated, afraid, riotous fun) - there is no sense to wait for peace of mind from the child. The classic picture in a shopping center with a child of 4 years: he rolls the hysterics from fatigue and overexcitation, and parents angrily cry: "Yes, calm down you! Stop yelling! ". However, the psyche and the entire organism of the child are very dependent on the condition of the parents. If they are excited - the child is worried too. And just so to come into an obedient and peaceful state in such conditions for the child is impossible.
If you want the child to hear you, try to calm yourself. Breathe deeply, drink water, ask to calm the child to someone who is more relaxed and soft.
2. Attract children's attention. Independently to the child it is difficult to switch from any interesting business (running around the room, watching cartoons, etc.) to your requests. How many times have you seen the picture: the child is keenly picking in a dirty pool (and not always with a stick), and Mom stands over him and monotonously "tires": "Stop doing it! Phew, that's crap! ". Of course, there should be no reaction on the part of the child. He really does not hear, because all his psyche is enthusiastically focused on the puddle.
Take the first step - sit down to the level of the child's head, "catch" his gaze. With him, look at what interested him so: "Wow! What a puddle! It is a pity that you can not touch it. Let's find something else. "
3. Clarify clearly. The simpler and shorter the phrases - the faster the child will understand what you want from him: "Now we pick up the cubes, then my hands and have dinner". Avoid verbose explanations, especially at the very moment of switching attention. Otherwise, the kid just does not have time to follow the course of your thought.
4. Repeat several times. Yes, sometimes it's annoying. But the anger and irritation in this case is, sorry, your problems. It's not the child's fault that in his brain, biochemical and electrical processes are arranged that way. What exactly irritates us so much if we have to repeat the same thing several times? Only the fact that for us, adults, it seems for some reason: everything must come to us from the first. And if it did not work out (the balance did not converge, the child did not obey) - I'm a loser! This is "hello" from our childhood, in which any error immediately followed the punishment. Children's experience, it seems, was forgotten, but the fear of doing something wrong - remained. This painful experience gives us so much excitement when the child does not want to obey us. The child himself has nothing to do with it at all. Therefore, it is better to go back to the first point "to be attentive with the expression of emotions and thoughts," and not how much to blame the kid for nothing.
5. Show what exactly you want from the child. Especially when it comes to some new activities for him. For example, the child just started to get on his own to button up his shoes, fill the pastel, etc. Instead of empty words: "Fold fast toys" - try to start it with him. And do not forget to praise when he successfully copes with your request!
At any stage of the conversation, when the child is worried (crying, angry, hysterical) - it should be reassured. There is a special scheme, the next set: eye contact (sit down in front of the child!) Body contact (take his hand, hug) your peace of mind. If you communicate correctly with the child, then he really hears you. Enjoy your communication!