What prevents us from having fun? Own shyness, dislike for one's body, stereotypical settings, partner's grip ... The list of answers to this question can be listed endlessly. However, the main reason for dissatisfaction lies in our security. How to learn to be without complexes in bed? And can we even learn this? Can! Read about it below.
You can blame parents for a long time and persistently (they did not properly educate, did not teach sensuality), the country in which we were born (in the USSR, as we know, there was no sex), and indeed the whole of Western civilization, cultivating the idea of sinful carnal love, but the fact remains : we are all in one way or another are in captivity of stereotypes. According to anonymous polls, 60% of Russian women felt guilt at least once in their life for the pleasure they received, 55% do not like making love in the light, 30% consider porn films to be "dirty male entertainment," and 80% think of their figure during intercourse ... Add to the social attitudes the characteristics of the upbringing of each of us (someone grew up in a very religious family, someone did not have a father or mother, someone from childhood was read by love stories and fairy tales about princes ...), and you will get an applicant to visit the couch not only crazy log and sexologist, but neuropsychiatrist. Let's try to figure out what is preventing you from being without complexes in bed and enjoying sex exactly for you ...
I love myself
This is exactly what our mothers, educators, teachers did not teach us. Meanwhile, psychologists say: accepting yourself and your body is an indispensable condition for the harmonious development of any person. Do not you like to be photographed? Do not allow yourself to buy your own things, you are always wrapped in rags and towels on the beach, at home you go in slippers on your heels (so you seem slimmer) and even have sex in the bra (otherwise your breasts look not so elastic) and do not flush the makeup? If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, you clearly do not like yourself and your body, which means that no man can appreciate you. Trite, but true: a man thinks about you the way you position yourself. Left alone at home, walk around the apartment naked. Just do not look constantly in the mirror, do not involve or study the rounded tummy. You must forget that you are naked. Feel that you are comfortable in your body and without pulling clothes. Take a bath with aromatic oils, spread on gentle creams, lie down on the bed and fantasize about sex. By the way, masturbation will help you relieve stress, understand your sexuality and love your appearance. The next step is joint nudity. Let your body is not perfect - we are loved not for dignity, but for funny drawbacks! Another useful experience is a story about yourself in the third person. Mentally or on paper describe yourself as the author of a love story would have done. Exalt your strengths (big breasts, beautiful pop, thin waist) and let the weak ones pass.
Pleasure Rules
However, the main thing that prevents us from relaxing, not even the rejection of one's own body, but the social attitudes imposed by society and parents. You can accept and have sex, as if fulfilling a duty (in a flannel nightie, without light and solely in a missionary position) ... You can, after reading the magazines, portray yourself as a sexy lioness (passionate aspirations, standard lace and latex) ... And you can try to find your own golden mean and finally understand what you need from sex to you.
There is no universal recipe for good sex. And the way you learn to be without complexes in bed is you - your personal business. Therefore, it is foolish to adjust to certain settings. It's okay that you like the missionary position, no. But this is not a reason to stop experiments. Do you like lace underwear? Excellent! The main thing is that this is your choice, and not a tribute to fashion or advice from magazines and girlfriends. In sex, the main thing is sincerity and freedom. There are only two of you, you recognize each other's bodies and do not hesitate - that's the main thing.
Worst of all, if you have a feeling of guilt during sex. If you constantly worry because you do not always reach orgasm, consider yourself a bad lover and even sometimes during sex think that you are doing something bad, you need to seriously work on yourself. It is best to turn to a professional, because, perhaps, the causes of such complexes are hidden in childhood and without studying those old situations you simply can not do. Your goal is to realize that you do not owe anything to anyone. Your orgasm in many ways depends on the skill of the partner, you do not have to show miracles of balancing every time, and not to allow yourself to have fun and is completely stupid! In the end, even if you were brought up in a very traditional religious family, no sacred book says that it is a sin to enjoy sex!
We destroy stereotypes.
Let's try to speculate on the most common prejudices.
Before marriage is not allowed. But if you really want, then you can. You, of course, do not owe anything to anyone and have the right to believe, but sexologists say: the average woman can reveal her sexuality only with her third partner!
VIRGINITY IS SHAME. Another incredibly stupid extreme. You have the right to decide where, when and with whom to lose your innocence. By the way, if Europeans basically begin to live sexually in 17-20 years, then the Americans - in 25-27 years (and not at all complex about this).
ORAL SEX - POVERTY. If so, then very pleasant. By the way, 40% of women experience orgasm only from cunnilingus, and 60% of men consider fellatio best form of sexual relaxation.
THE BED IS NOT THE TOPIC FOR DISCUSSION. At work or at aunt's house-it is understood. But with a partner to talk about sex (both yours and what you see on the screen), not only can, but also need.
ABC of complexes
COMPLEX ALICE in Wonderland is found in women living in a fantasy world. Dreams of an ideal union lead to the fact that women do not get pleasure from sex with a real partner. COMPLEX ASSOL reflects the passive life position of a woman waiting for a prince from a fairy tale that will introduce her into the world of adventure, beauty, comfort. Such women dream of being adored, noticed, taken to the big world. In bed they like to submit.
MESSALIN'S COMPLEX is inherent in women passionate and sensual. Such ladies are sure that partners need to be changed like gloves. Sometimes this idea becomes too intrusive.
With TITANIUM COMPLEX, a woman creates in her imagination the image of the ideal man, who is looking for a lifetime. Heroes of novels or actors are involved in sexual fantasies, in particular, during sexual intercourse a woman represents another person as a partner.
Eroticism and guilt are combined in the complex of Tristan and Izolda. Young ladies with this complex, having sex outside of marriage, experience conflicting feelings: on the one hand, satisfaction, on the other - a sense of guilt for violating the moral norm recognized by them.