Public speech is always stressful, and at the first meeting with the future boyfriend you present not the banal profit growth charts in the last quarter, and the most expensive ones yourself. And if at a conference of oil companies there is a chance to flash a brief and energetic speech, coolly rehearsing every sentence in front of a mirror, then on a date, for some reason, it is impossible to simply cut a piece of strudel beautifully. Incorrectly awkward gestures and the oppressive stiffness of the body reveal hidden psychological problems within themselves. That is, spoiled coffee, a favorite dress - a fair price for the opportunity to finally understand why it's hard for you to be natural and open with a man.
Performing strange and sometimes dangerous actions makes us fear to be rejected, and we do not know how to overcome fear of men. We are afraid to disappoint a new acquaintance, and as if on purpose we do everything to make the meeting the first and the last. One of the reasons for our defiant behavior is "an unmet need for acceptance and a positive assessment." For the lack of love, the responsibility is borne by the parents, who for some reason failed to provide the necessary heat in the first years of life. Moreover, shame makes us extremely awkward. At such moments you think: my natural manifestations are ugly! This feeling is borne by people who, as children, were often criticized, stopped, and condemned. So, going on a date, remember that the source of approval is inside. Your self-worth does not depend on the opinion of a man.
Over time, shouting is transformed into a ban to be relaxed. And children, who were often pulled back, find it difficult to find contact with their inner needs in adulthood. The body, therefore, reacts to anxiety and stress, as if dying and shielding us from strong emotions. Imaginary paralysis also has a completely physical explanation. Because of the great excitement, we usually breathe superficially, as a result of the limb worse supplied with oxygen and treacherously grow numb.
40 minutes before the exit, turn off the phone, sit in a comfortable position, straighten your back, and concentrate on inhaling and exhaling, feel the movement of the chest. And then try to slow down a little and deepen your breathing. Do not be too zealous, the process should be natural. You will notice how the internal state will change, you will feel calmer, more stable, more confident. Men forgive us for reservations and awkwardness much easier than we do it ourselves.
In this case, it is not enough to repeat 101 times before the mirror "I am the most beautiful, everyone is delighted with me!". Develop yoga, pilates and psychotherapy sessions to develop the acceptance not only of the body, but of the inner feminine essence.
The speed of rapprochement is different for all, especially when it comes to moving into such an intimate space where touch is possible. It is worth starting to build relationships in the light of your peculiarities.
If you are not ready for physical contact, communicate openly. And this will help to learn a simple exercise. During the conversation, pay attention to what distance is comfortable for you. Realizing that the line is crossed (you will feel the tension in the body), slightly move away. The interlocutor unknowingly considers your signal and takes a step back (unless, of course, he wants to cause inconvenience). In addition, reinforce the gesture with words. Explain that now you are not ready to embrace, but you will be glad to a gradual rapprochement. Take off the awkwardness, asking him directly: "By the way, when will we see each other again?"
To again find the core inside yourself, and learn how to overcome the fear of men, try to literally find the ground under your feet. Feeling agitation, remember the feet, move them lightly, stepping from the toe to the heel - this will help restore stability and comfort.
The girl should be obedient - we are taught this from childhood. And the fear of offending disagreement remains for a long time. Therefore, even if contradictory emotions are raging inside, you keep a sweet face, trying to hide discontent as deeply as possible. Each of us has our own preferences, and we rarely explain why people like them. So do not try to please him on your first date - this is not your control zone.
Instead of guessing "I like me," think about "who is in front of me." With interest, ask the companion about everything in the world, while asking questions that do not involve a monosyllabic answer. This will create an atmosphere of trust and help you decide whether to continue your acquaintance.