Often you hear: "My friend buried a loved one. I want to support, but I do not know what to say. " Modern people are afraid of death and shun people who survived the death of a loved one of their relatives. Not knowing how to behave, people simply step back, waiting until the person comes back to normal on their own. And only the strongest of the spirit remain, find words and support in such a difficult period of life.
Unfortunately, the ancient rituals of mourning at the funeral are now forgotten. They are considered a relic, but in vain. In the ritual of the funeral of the previous centuries there is a profound meaning, everything was aimed at alleviating the feelings of bitterness and fear. It is only necessary to recall how women were invited to the coffin of the deceased, repeating in the form of wailing and weeping certain words. Such a ritual caused tears even among those who were in a bitter stupor, bringing detente and freeing a person from grief in the depths of their soul. Now among people it is accepted to "hang around" near the coffin, without showing tears, which is extremely dangerous for the psyche.
Stage of grief
Feeling of mental pain and suffering after the death of a loved one is determined by specific stages. Only by passing them all, a person gradually learns to cope with grief and keep as much as possible mental health. It is necessary to understand how these stages differ in order to track the correct or pathological development of the process with their friends or themselves. Sometimes there is a "stuck" at some stage, when already without professional help can not do.
Shock and hardness
It lasts a little more than a week. A person does not understand and does not accept loss, can not fully believe in it. It manifests itself in complete numbness, and, conversely, in excessive activity, fussiness. The latter state is more dangerous, in him a person often does not understand very well who he is, where he is and what exactly he will do. The condition is normalized usually by itself, but it is necessary to observe the human slightly more closely.
Man must necessarily cry. In no case do not take him away from the coffin, do not try to speed up the funeral process. This is the moment in which you can see a close one last time. Weeping and groaning at the funeral are healing, however strange it may seem. This process can not be blocked. On the contrary, "frozen" in your grief you need to help to weep, relax, liberate mentally.
Negation
Lasts for about forty days. After this period, organize a wake, marking the "release" of the deceased, the acceptance of the fact that his soul is no longer with the living. Man, as a rule, already clearly understands his loss, however his subconscious does not accept this in any way. He often sees the deceased in the crowd, hears his footsteps. Do not be afraid of this! It is believed that it is good if the deceased at least sometimes dreams.
If you lost a loved one and want to see him in a dream, then try to talk mentally. Ask him to dream. Psychologists argue that if the deceased has not dreamed of a period, then the process of mourning is blocked. In this case, the help of a specialist psychologist is required. It is necessary to maintain all the talk about the deceased. In this period it is normal if the grieving person will cry.
Acceptance of loss, internal pain residence
This stage lasts up to six months. The longing for the deceased goes "waves": it seems to release, then intensifies again. Just a person who realized his grief, trying to live with him, manage it, although it does not always work. After three months, often a failure occurs - the strength is at once exhausted. A person falls into prostration, depression, it seems to him that everything will always be bad, the pain will never stop.
This stage brings a strong sense of guilt ("you are no more, but I live"). This is a kind of protective reaction, an attempt by the mind to gain control over the situation ("I'm guilty, I could change something"). But in most cases, people can not influence the circumstances of the death of a loved one, eventually they just have to accept this thought. There are bouts of anger at the deceased ("why did you leave me?"). In the process of burning, this is normal, usually such moments are short-lived.
People are often frightened by this aggressive thought, but it arises, and it must be accepted. The aggression lasts longer on outsiders, "guilty" in the death of a loved one. It is also an attempt of the mind to gain at least some control. The main thing is that the process of searching for the guilty ones does not take too long. Tears in this period is much less. Man gradually learn to exist without the deceased. If the process of mourning is proceeding normally, the deceased dreams in this period already in a different way - in a different world, among angels, not at home.
Reliefbodies
The time has come. A person is already fully aware of the loss and takes a loved one just dead. In life there is a gradual restoration of former functions, connections and duties. There are new cases, acquaintances, a person begins to live in a different quality. With the correctly proceeding process of mourning, the departed is remembered as living (not dead), they say with a smile about the pleasant moments experienced with him. By the end of the year, a person can already control his feelings of speech, fear and pain.
Soft repetition of all stages
It goes all the second year of life. The hardest splash occurred in the first year of the year. However, a person has learned to control his grief, the feelings are not so strong. Closer to the middle of the second year, the last surge of acute feelings is observed. A little easier is grief, if there was time to prepare internally for death. For example, if a loved one was ill for a long time, and the outcome was predetermined.
Even a few days of a kind of "preparation" can greatly alleviate the grief of loved ones. The most painful and painful thing is experiencing unexpected deaths in the resultant accident. A little easier is the grief over the elderly person, the most indispensable, without a doubt, the care of children. Men are much more difficult to experience death than women. In regard to men more strict social expectations, they "can not cry", whereas women's tears are natural and understandable to all.
If the whole process of mourning passes normally, then in two years it completely completes. They do not forget about the deceased, but now they can live without it. They remember the dead, light, light, without tears, resentment and guilt. If this does not happen, you may need the help of a psychologist.
Death of Domestic Rabbits
The death of pets is often perceived as painful as the loss of a relative. Hosts at this stage are similar stages of mourning. Hardest of all, if the owners have to independently make a decision on the lulling of a pet. This is difficult to accept, but in such cases helps the idea that the animal, knowing how to speak it, would probably have asked about its withdrawal. If the pet was very ill before death, the decision to put to sleep is to get rid of suffering, and in no case to be killed.
The animal lived happily and quietly beside you, and the lulling did not become a betrayal for him. This is the best possible death for a pet, given a fatal diagnosis. The host's prowess suggests that a difficult decision was made with a love of animal life, wishing to save him from suffering. It helps to get rid of a little thing in the memory of a pet. For example, you can help with money for homeless animals.