At least not as much as we do. But scientists have proved otherwise. Recently, American sociologists have found that men suffer from problems in their personal lives more than women. Anna Barrett of the University of Florida and Robin Simon from the University of Wake Forest interviewed more than a thousand young people and girls and found that if a couple comes a difficult period, the stronger sex experiences more, although it does not show it publicly. In addition, they react much more sharply to the flowering of romantic relationships. Mutual love brings them more pleasant emotions and significantly improves mental health. Of course, the research is not entirely unambiguous. Scientists took into account questionnaires of only bachelors, and when such surveys were conducted among married, sharp differences in the experiences of men and women were not observed. But still the discovery looks quite believable. And, it seems, we have every reason to believe in statistics. How not to quarrel with your loved one and lead a peaceful love?
And to talk
American researchers have suggested: the main reason for the emotional abandonment of men after the break is that the partner suddenly turns out to be the only person with whom they communicate so closely. That is, no matter how good his relationship with his mother and friend is, fully open the soul, he can only you. And you, unlike him, are close and frank with friends, parents and your dentist. "It is easier for a woman to satisfy the need for confidential communication. Most men manage to do it with difficulty - they are pressured by fear of intimacy, and openness is mistakenly perceived as weakness, "explains psychologist Alexander Kuznetsov. To be frank and sincere and at the same time do not feel like rags our loved ones can only with us, because we for them, so to speak, are a weak sex. And by socializing men do not mean long conversations and shocking confessions. They need more support, trust and tacit understanding.
When everything ends
In the study of sociologists, there is one small, but important clarification - men are more likely to experience quarrels and turmoil in a couple, while they are more tolerant of the gap. But, according to observations of transactional analyst Elena Lazarenko, parting is given to them uneasily, as they usually do not even guess what emotional value the relationship has. "Judging by my experience, men often turn to women for psychological help when the romance is over. Besides, they are still much less likely to visit a psychotherapist in our country, "she said. According to the therapist, this is because men for a long time sincerely believe: relationships are needed, first of all, a partner and, therefore, she must take care of them. But when there is a separation, for them it is a big surprise that feeling of emptiness, which they begin to experience. Women, by contrast, are well aware of the value of relationships and even exaggerate it. "Men often come to me with such a confession:" I fought in hot spots, traveled the whole world. I have a prosperous business. Nothing and no one is afraid. But he could not imagine that without her it would begin. Tell me, what's wrong with me? I thought we'd split up and everything would end. And now I can not sleep without it, I can not eat it! "- says Elena Lazarenko. - That is, a person who does not realize and does not recognize his emotional needs, eventually becomes dependent on a relationship in which these needs are at least partially satisfied. Quite often this happens with donzhuans, constantly changing women, who do not allow anyone with emotional intimacy and deny the need for it. "
Mean tears
We can still cry sobbingly. Even in public. And it also perfectly removes stress. Men save experience in themselves. "Sometimes I just envy my girlfriend. She will break a couple of plates against the wall, sob and is ready to put up, - Evgeni confesses (27). - And I can not throw dishes or crash furniture, because I'm stronger, such actions will look like aggression. She's just scared. Probably, that's why I always need, much more time than my girlfriend, to recover from the next conflict. " One will try to relieve emotional tension in the gym, the other - drown in alcohol, and the third will stare at the TV and will wait for it to pass by itself. Boys from childhood are told: never cry, you are a future man. To show tenderness, fear, sadness, vulnerability for many of them is impossible. And therefore feelings that are difficult to express, men, usually replace the more familiar and safe - anger or aggression. But often they do not express their experiences openly and leave emotions clogged deep inside. This as a result can lead to psychosomatic illnesses, depression, panic attacks.
The best
"We often quarreled with my first wife. Reasons were every day: who will go in the morning to walk with a dog, who broke an electric kettle and what to choose a new one, what to do on the weekend? Our opinions differ literally in everything, - says Anton (32). At first I thought: all because we have very little in common. But later I realized that I was literally killed by the fact that I was not her authority. Even with a teapot. " Conflicts in the pair strongly affect the male self-esteem. Of course, we are also uncomfortable if we are not listened to in our opinion or (most terrible!) Compared to others. But for a loved one, conflicts and turmoil mean his complete failure in the love sphere. And to survive a failure to someone who used to consider himself a winner is not easy. For a man, failure in a meaningful business for him is a much greater blow to self-esteem than for a woman. The concepts of "victory" and "defeat" are much more emotionally colored for him. That's why men break up much more sharply and for longer. It turns out that the stronger sex is stronger than us in everything, including feelings. Only in this they will never admit.