Each of us feels the need for love, protection, attention, understanding, tenderness, that is, what we used to receive from our parents. If this lacked in the parents' family, then the hopes increase even more. But sometimes in a marriage we are disappointed because of their own exorbitant expectations.
First of all, we will discuss the problems faced by women: they tend to be more focused on the family and traditionally less involved in social and social relations. One of the main and most common mistakes is a passive expectation from a loved one that he will be able to fill your life with meaning. Women by nature tend to symbiotic (symbiosis - fusion) connection. They are waiting for long intimate conversations with their chosen one. But here there may be discrepancies. A typical example: the husband works hard to provide for the family, and the wife is busy with the household. When he comes home in the evening, tired, he does not feel like talking. And she's been waiting all day for this moment to chat with her lover. He has an eventful life, only waiting for events. There are grievances, and as a result, he will gradually accumulate irritation, and she - to form a sense of its lack of demand.
How to avoid these difficulties? First of all, it is necessary to realize that only you can make your life meaningful. An adult can find an occupation that will bring him satisfaction. "Grow up" in this sense is never too late. Address your unrealized plans and desires, take them seriously - you have the right to implement them. You can go to work, even on a part-time basis, to finish a foreign language course or simply find a hobby for yourself according to your inclinations. This will enrich family communication: you will tell each other not only about household trivia, but also about your discoveries. It is even better to find an occupation that could unite both. This would be the basis for a full, deep communication.
Another common mistake is the service to relatives, the desire to devote their lives to them. Of the best intentions, women often neglect their desires, abandon their successful careers. All this is built on the myth that only this way you can be a good wife and mother. With excessive zeal, sometimes the opposite effect is achieved. For example, Mom concentrates all his attention on the child and begins to live his life: in everything he helps, he pleases little and already grown-up son or daughter to the detriment of his own free time, interests, habits. As a result, such a mother raises an infantile and selfish person. And at the same time he does not realize himself as an original, creative person.
Or take another example - the wife devotes herself to her husband. She just dissolves in it: she watches football on TV, because she is fond of her husband, cooks only his favorite dishes, takes on all the home loads, even when he feels bad or cares for an infant. At first, the position of the wife, the mother, who gives herself completely different, is liked by relatives. But there may come a time when such a woman will become uninteresting to children and especially to her husband. You can expect that he will go in search of another, brighter woman, or he will only perceive his wife as a servant. To prevent this from happening, do not renounce yourself. As it was said in the beautiful fairy tale "Cinderella", it is very harmful not to go to the ball when you deserve it. Work on yourself, expand the boundaries of your family world. A woman who is interesting to herself, as a rule, is interesting to others.
Sometimes our problems are associated with incorrect attitudes about family life. Usually we get them as a legacy from parents, grandparents. And, creating our own family, we take them with us as a dowry. The settings are certain principles that we adhere to, believing that they are the only true, and that it is so difficult to get rid of, because they come from childhood. It is they who "tell" us how the construction and maintenance of healthy relations should be organized in our lives. Settings are not always declared by parents, but are perceived by children who see only this model of marital relations. Even if we do not like this model, we often build exactly the same family system.
For example, a woman, watching how her parents went to the dacha every weekend, sincerely believed that they should do the same with her husband. She did not reckon with the fact that her husband had completely different interests and that he perceived trips to the dacha as violence, an attempt on his freedom. And she was shocked when he said once: "If we do not sell the dacha, I file for divorce." Or, for example, another situation. The man saw how his mother could preserve vegetables and fruits every year. For him, this was a model of the behavior of the ideal hostess. He demanded the same from his wife, considering the ability to farm as one of the most important qualities. And his wife hated doing canning. She remembered how her grandfather wore a grandmother in her arms, and believed that her husband should behave the same way towards her. Yes, probably, her grandmother was lucky. But not all men show their tender feelings in this form, some simply can not say affectionate words.
We do not always realize that the desire to build a marriage the way we want is connected with the installations that require change, otherwise the family will collapse. Not all installations are bad. But sometimes they come in complete contradiction with the attitudes of the partner and prevent them from seeing other options for solving the issues, since their way seems to be the only true one. If something similar happens in your family, think about which setting is driving you. Think about it yourself or with a psychologist, whether it is possible to build relationships in a different way in the family. The most important thing is to realize what was previously hidden from your understanding.
And finally, another problem is the boredom of a settled family life. Feelings become dulled, novelty disappears, each next day is similar to the previous one. With such a monotonous, monotonous existence, there is an acute shortage of fresh impressions. Together experienced bright impressions strengthen marriage. Strive to bring something new, unusual in your life. It is very important that new businesses and hobbies capture all members of the family. This unites parents and children, makes their relationship positive. Spouses are useful from time to time to return to the time of romantic relationships, courtship, when the charm of novelty was felt and communication was unpredictable every time. Remember: during this period you both thought about how best to spend time together. However, in marriage, especially if the length of his experience is significant, the organization of joint pastime is, as it were, allowed to run. But it's not for nothing that the family life is figuratively compared to a fire, in which it is necessary to throw up "firewood" all the time. And the smaller the fire, the more effort is needed to maintain it.
If for you, boredom and monotony have become a threat to family relationships - come up with options for interesting common occupations. What just does not occur! Games in which adults and children can play, family holidays with a variety of competitions, a romantic candlelight dinner, travel, horseback riding and even parachute jumping. Of course, this is a non-binding fantasy, but they are also very useful, as they expand the horizons of family life and push for changes in it. So do not be shy to give vent to your imagination.
Let all that is said help you to conduct your own "work on the mistakes", build and maintain healthy relationships in your family. Finally one more tip: do not keep your experiences in yourself. Practically in every family there are "skeletons in the closet" - things that are not accepted to discuss from the false prerequisites for the preservation of peace and quiet. Try to talk on difficult topics - of course, in tactful form. And remember: it's never too late to begin work on the rehabilitation of the family, the main thing is to decide and act.