This is not true. The kid will notice all the same that a misfortune has happened: something is happening in the house, the adults are whispering and crying, grandfather (mother, sister) has disappeared somewhere. But, being in a disoriented state, he risks acquiring a number of psychological problems in addition to what the loss itself will bring.
Let's consider how to tell a child about the death of a loved one?
It is important during a sad conversation to touch the child - hug him, put him on his knees or take his hand. Being in physical contact with an adult, the kid at the level of instinct feels more protected. So you soften the impact a little and help him cope with the first shock.
Talking with the child about death, be literally. Have the courage to say the words "died", "death", "funeral." Children, especially in the preschool age, literally perceive what they hear from adults. So, hearing that "the grandmother has fallen asleep for ever" the kid can refuse to sleep, being afraid, as though with it did not happen the same, as with the grandmother.
Little children do not always realize the irreparability, the finality of death. In addition, there is a mechanism of denial that is characteristic of all people in the experience of grief. Therefore, it may be necessary several times (and even after the funeral is over) to explain to the crumb that the deceased will never be able to return to him. Therefore, you need to think in advance, then, how to tell a child about the death of a loved one.
Surely, the child will ask various questions about what will happen to a loved one after death and after the funeral. It is necessary to tell that the deceased is not bothered by earthly inconveniences: he is not cold, it does not hurt. He is not disturbed by the absence of light, food and air in the coffin under the earth. After all, there remains only his body, which no longer works. It "broke down", so much that "fixing" is impossible. It should be emphasized that most people are able to cope with illnesses, injuries, etc., and live for many years.
Tell what happens to the soul of a person after death, based on the religious beliefs that have been adopted in your family. In such cases, it will not be superfluous to seek advice from a priest: he will help you find the right words.
It is important that the relatives involved in mourning preparations do not forget to give time to the little man. If the kid behaves quietly and does not bother with questions, this does not mean that he correctly understands what is happening and does not need the attention of relatives. Sit next to him, tactfully find out in what mood he is. Maybe he needs to cry to you in the shoulder, and maybe - to play. Do not blame the child if he wants to play and run. But, if the child wants to attract you to the game, explain that you are upset, and today you will not run with him.
Do not tell a child that he should not cry and get upset, or that the deceased would like him to behave in a certain way (he ate well, did lessons, etc.) - the kid can gain a sense of guilt due to the mismatch of his inner state your requirements.
Try to keep the child in the usual routine of the day - routine things calm even grieving adults: misfortunes - with troubles, and life goes on. If the baby does not mind, involve him to organize upcoming events: for example, he can provide all possible assistance in serving the funeral table.
It is believed that from the age of 2.5 the child is able to realize the meaning of the funeral and participate in parting with the deceased. But, if he does not want to be present at the funeral - in no case should he be forced or ashamed of it. Tell the baby about what will happen there: the grandmother will be put in a coffin, dipped in a hole and covered with earth. And in the spring we will put a monument there, plant flowers, and we will come to visit her. Perhaps, having clarified for himself what exactly is being done at the funeral, the child will change his attitude to the sad procedure and will want to take part in it.
Give the child to say goodbye to the departed. Explain how it should be done traditionally. If the child does not dare to touch the deceased - do not blame him. You can come up with some special ritual to complete the relationship of the child with the deceased close - for example, arrange that the baby will put a picture or letter in the coffin, where he will write about his feelings.
At a funeral with a child there must always be a close person - one must be prepared for the fact that he will need support and comfort; and may lose interest in what is happening, this is also a normal development of events. In any case, let there be someone nearby who can leave the baby and not participate in the end of the ritual.
Do not hesitate to show your seal and cry at the children. Explain that you are very sad because of the death of a native person, and that you miss him very much. But, of course, adults should keep themselves in hand and avoid hysterics so as not to scare the child.
After the funeral, remember together with the child about the deceased family member. This will help once again "work through", realize what happened and accept it. Talk about funny cases: "Do you remember how you went fishing together with grandfather last summer, then he hooked the hook for the snag, and he had to climb into the swamp!", "Do you remember how Dad collected you in a kindergarten and pantyhose backwards put it on beforehand? " Laughter helps transform the grief into light sadness.
It often happens that a child who has lost one of his parents, brother or other significant person for him, gets a fear that just about any of the remaining relatives will die. Or even he himself will die. Do not comfort the kid with a deliberate lie: "I will never die and will always be with you." Tell me honestly that absolutely all people will someday die in the future. But you are going to die very, very old when he already has many children and grandchildren and will have someone to take care of him.
In a family that has suffered misfortune, it is not necessary for native people to hide their sorrow from each other. We need to "burn out" together, survive the loss, supporting each other. Remember - grief does not endless. Now you are crying, and then you go to cook dinner, do lessons with your child - life goes on.