The firstborn always suffers from a decrease in parental attention when the second child is born, and all the love and care is shared between the two children. The older child feels as if he has been "dethroned", and he loses his preeminence to be the only one, for him this is a traumatic experience.
As shown by statistical studies aimed at studying the life paths of older and younger children, great successes are achieved precisely by first-borns - about 64% among celebrities, 46% - by second children. The main reason for this is the psychological factor: the older child, who found himself in a situation where it is necessary to defend his place in the sun when a "competitor" appears, has to fulfill important socially significant goals. Seniors take responsibility for the younger ones, they feel responsible for them, that's why they start to acquire life skills from childhood. That's why they grow into more active and successful adults.
It often happens that the firstborn has to experience a stressful situation, he does not always easily adapt to the new situation associated with the birth of a brother or sister. It is necessary to prepare the first-born for the second child, to change in the family purposefully. It is reasonable to even lose with him possible situations, tell him about the upcoming changes and also continue to keep the usual rituals of parental attention. Otherwise, your first-born can doubt its value and significance to you.
The second child grows, as a rule, less anxious and more optimistic, as it grows in the atmosphere of the already developed emotional attitude of the parents. In addition, when the second child appears in the family, the parents are already more experienced and consistent, they are sure that the family environment is calmer for upbringing. Although, as experts say, at present parents are less likely to "grow" pets and even pay less attention to them than to first-borns. However, nevertheless, the lenient attitude of parents is often attached to younger children. It happens that the younger ones remain in the role of "baby" for a long time, they are less often involved in the life of the family, do not admit to the discussion of "adult" questions: "This is an adult conversation. Go to another room. " For the second child, the older brother or sister becomes the leader, the younger ones try to equal him.
Sometimes there are some difficulties in the life of the second child, when a spirit of rivalry appears, and the younger one has a desire to catch up with the older and overtake him. The unattainability of this is an objective factor of a further series of psychological problems in development.
It happens that parents, unwittingly, unwittingly warm up the competition between children. Having said: "You can do this no worse than your sister (brother)", parents do not encourage the child or support, but, on the contrary, are invited to compete. Then the children begin to feel painfully that they will not be the first. Fear of defeat affects their personal qualities. The child can stop showing himself bold, purposeful, energetic, stubborn, when he can not win in the "race" for the eldest. That is why the younger children are more often shown the position of the "dependent", the sense of responsibility is weakening.
It often happens that with the advent of a second child, there is an improvement in the family situation, the spouses are less likely to disagree. At the same time, with the advent of the second child, a new source for parents' experiences is the rivalry between children.
The parents' attempt to solve all the disagreements and disputes that arise among the children, for themselves, and to believe that with time all difficulties will disappear - this is a common mistake with regard to parents to younger and older children. It is important for children to know that parents trust them in settling disputes between them. Then, most likely, children will independently assume the responsibility for establishing friendly relations after disagreements. Sometimes it is important for some children to know how valuable and important they are to their parents, and in order to attract the attention of adults, they start a quarrel and find out whose side the parents are taking. In this case, if nothing serious happens to your children (threatening their lives), it is better to accept the position of non-intervention - this is the best method in situations of children's quarrels. You probably noticed how the children, quarreling, after a while continue to play peacefully. Adhere to neutrality, if nevertheless you are "involved" in the resolution of the dispute, do not distinguish among the children the elder, as the responsible person, who must yield.
If you blame the eldest for the troubles of the younger, it will only discourage the first-born from wanting to be responsible and will reduce sympathy for his younger brother or sister. If the parents begin to scold or humiliate the elder in front of the second child, then this behavior of the parents of the first-born copied and transferred to the younger ones. Almost all parents had to catch the zealous look of the elder in moments of care or affectionate fun with the baby. In such situations it is very important for the elder to feel necessary and valuable parents. Therefore, you can say something that will indicate its importance: "You are my helper, what would I do without you!" Gratitude of parents and tenderness, expressed first-born, can outshine the zealous feelings of the older child. Mistrust and anxiety disappear, returning to former joy and devotion. Try to skillfully share your love between children, then the anxiety of older children will not manifest themselves and interfere with them in later life.
In children's conflicts try not to rush to figure out who is right, who is to blame. They are both upset, offended, you need to show that you hear them both, hear them and know what they want.