In the onset of chaos, adults often forget about small stunned people who are desperate to understand what is happening, why their fragile peace has been broken, and why it can not be done so that everything is as before.
Even before the parents part in fact, the child feels a change in the relationship between mom and dad. Moreover, parents in the heat of battle can be rude and intolerant of the kid himself. Or, on the contrary - they step aside, "hand over" the child to grandmothers, so that he does not interfere with deal with "adult" problems. Grief, fear, loneliness - sometimes, a small person has to resist these troubles.
Often, children perceive the withdrawal of the father from the family as a rejection of them. A common story: a child believes that the pope left because he was not good enough: parents often swore because of his behavior, his father was ashamed of his grades at school. The child fantasizes that if he gets better - dad can come back. For the same reason, he is often ashamed to talk about what happened to friends or teachers. The little man at the same time feels guilty for what happened and the fear of being abandoned.
How to tell a small child about the father's departure from the family, so as not to injure him? How to mitigate the psychological trauma inevitably caused by the divorce of parents?
It is necessary to inform the child about the upcoming separation before it actually happens - so, he will have the opportunity to talk with each parent, adapt a little to the new situation, prepare for the further development of events.
Explain what is happening without accusing anyone. Parents should say that they decided to disperse, and not "your father is a scoundrel - he throws us." The kid should see that mom and dad do not feud, but together they are looking for the most acceptable way out of the situation. Having divorced, parents should remain allies in matters relating to children. Ideally, if they remain close to each other, and, crossing the pain of the gap, they will maintain mutual understanding and mutual respect.
Dissociating, it is necessary to emphasize for the child the finality of such a decision. Do not provoke childhood fantasies that it can influence your decision, and that the family will reunite. There are cases when children abandon all their efforts to "deserve the pope back". Sometimes, the child believes that if he gets sick - dad will return. This is a danger that must be avoided.
The child should be sure that he does not lose any of the parents. This is most important in the question of how to tell a small child about the withdrawal of the father from the family. Both father and mother love him. What happened between them does not detract from their love for their baby. It is good if the child has the opportunity to contact any of the parents all the time - just write and leave in a prominent place both phone numbers. But, Mom and Dad should not try to "pull" the child, everyone - to his side, "beguiling" him with disciplinary indulgences and gifts. This can lead to the formation of a consumer attitude towards parents and manipulative behavior.
When leaving, the father must give the child confidence that he can at any time count on him. The pope must tell how and when they will meet. Talk about how the child imagines these meetings: where they go together for a walk, when they go to the circus. Plan a joint future. This will help overcome the fear of the unknown, "find the ground under your feet." But, do not give promises that can not be deterred - it can cause a deep trauma to the child.
If the father refuses to meet with children, and it is impossible to change his decision, it is necessary to explain to the child that the reason is not in him. But, even in this case, you should not water your father with mud. You can say that Dad is not bad, just confused. Having matured, the child himself will make conclusions about the reasons for his behavior. Perhaps the father will eventually reconsider his beliefs, but do not encourage the baby - it threatens with another disappointment.
The first time in the breakdown of the family, children tend to be discouraged, aggressive, lose interest in learning and hobbies. Various childish fears can aggravate - fear of darkness, fear of being alone, etc. This is all - a variety of signs of stress. To help the little man "digest" such a serious change, relieve tension - it is useful to visit with a child psychologist. Do not be afraid of emerging hysterics - most often, a rapid external manifestation of emotions gives a more favorable outlook for the future.
Try to make as few changes as possible in routine, daily processes. The child in the first time is extremely important to preserve the old ties - friends from the yard, a familiar school, a sports section, etc. It is advisable not to change the place of residence of the baby. The house - a small fortress - it can "sit" hard times.
Talking to the child about the divorce, explain to him that this is a difficult and unpleasant period, but it must be experienced. Immediately after the divorce, most likely, you should not expect a sharp improvement. But, express confidence that you will cope with any disaster together, and everything will work out.
Make sure that the child understands the meaning of your words. "Parents are divorced" - this phrase in the children's presentation may not mean exactly what adults mean. The main point is that the parents will no longer live in the same house, they will cease to be husband and wife. And, for each of them, a new partner may appear. Do not be surprised if the child returns several times to the same questions. It is an attempt to "digest" the event through repeated pronouncing.
Dissociating, parents need to show attention and maximum tolerance: children can reasonably resent them for divorce, not to accept new partners of mother and father. But, it is not necessary to take the position of eternally penitent sinners. Explain to the child that parents have the right to personal happiness.