Time machine does not go back
Of course, the average arithmetic happiness can not be deduced. Yes, disagreements also happen between spouses, if their views on life do not coincide. But, according to observations of psychologists, couples with a difference in age of seven or more years are more often divorced than people between whom the age gap is not so significant.
What is dangerous this seven? The generation gap affects. Husband and wife have learned different cultural values, and may not understand each other's code language. For example, a man - a native of the perestroika of the 80s, when the wind of change gave freedom to freedom after hard pressure from the regime. His faithful grew in the era of wild capitalism of the 90's - an era of other priorities: to survive and earn money. The crack in relations, marriage and the difference in the age of the spouses will deepen and different life goals. Twenty years old I want to learn, to learn new things. They are flexible, easily adapt to non-standard situations and more frivolous. Forty-year-olds are striving for stability. They are wise and lazy. Is it easy to get on with the maturity of the young? Rather, not really. The barrier becomes the condemnation of loved ones such marriages rarely approve. Skew glances of passers-by, gossip of acquaintances is unlikely to cause stormy weather in the house, but the discontent of parents (his or her) can destroy the family idyll. Another disconnect is physical incompatibility. A younger or more mature partner can cool to another, feel a sexual attraction to the same age.
However , according to experts, there are people who do not live psychologically in their time. At twenty-five, they are sedate, reasonable, they like the traditions of the past. For them, of course, the spouse or spouse 40+ is completely harmonious. And, on the contrary, there are individuals who are much younger in the soul than their peers. They are more comfortable to connect fate with a person younger. By the way, and the difference in age is perceived by a man and a woman differently. A husband can be eight years older than his wife, and she and her relatives will react calmly to this marriage. It is believed that ladies lose attractiveness before men - and over time the gap in years will be smoothed. In the practice of Kiev psychologists there was a case when a woman who is older than a man for only a couple of years, his relatives did not approve. Yes, and the guy was a little embarrassed that his favorite is his adult, although from the point of view of psychologists, they are peers. Even if the spouse is older than his wife for 10 years (but no more!), The age gap between them may not be felt. But when the husband "outstrips" her husband for 6-7 years - this is a fairly significant difference.
What brought you and me together
Why do such people converge? It is widely believed that a mature partner is fueled by energy more "green", younger at heart, living in marriage and the difference in age with the spouse. Young - is enriched by life experience, finds a support. Both are psychologically drawn to each other. It is not excluded: they were united by a deep feeling. But more often unequal marriages are accepted by those who in childhood did not survive or did not pass the process of separation (separation) from their parents. For example, my father left my daughter - he left my mother for another woman. Or the parent was too strict, too controlled daughter. When she grows up, she will subconsciously look for a spouse who is much older than herself - a psychological substitute for her father. Either it will be easier for her to communicate with young men much younger - she's not emotionally yet ripe. Was the guy too spoiled by Mom? Or, on the contrary, he did not live with a man who was dear to him?
He will build relationships with the "psychological mummy" - a woman more mature than him. In the embrace of young partners pushes and unsatisfied fatherly or maternal instinct. For example, a man divorced his wife, rarely sees his own daughter, and finds himself "almost a daughter," a young wife. So is the lady. If her adult son is building an independent life (and she is still in the role of a mother!), A woman may look for a psychological "son", a young husband.
Such unions , according to psychologists, are short-lived. A woman can get bored with the role of a daughter or mother, and a man - daddy or little son. And if there are no common interests and deep feelings, the marriage will fall apart. A much stronger family, in which relations are built on the type of "teacher-student". These marriages are usually concluded between creative people: it has already achieved fame, and it is just beginning its journey. The girl becomes a man and a muse, and a secretary. And inspires to create new works, and collects genius creations on the computer. A man will become attached to such a helper. Especially if he is married a second time, and the first spouse was for him a rival in the professional sense or just too independent and independent, did not support his undertakings.
Mature people to the young pull and romantic memories of youth. A girl can remind a respectable gentleman of his first love, and the guy will stir in the soul of a lady of Balzac's age memories of her graduation. Such relationships are built on illusions. Soon, lovers realize: time can not be turned back, fantasy is in front of them, in reality their chosen ones are others. And these pairs usually diverge. The example of the family is also a weighty argument in favor of marriages with a difference of N. The father is older than the mother for about twelve years, they live soul to soul. Their son, most likely, wants his "half" to be much younger, and her daughter will dream of a mature wife. Perhaps their marriage will also be successful if an emotional rapprochement with the partner occurs.
Either dad or husband
The underwater stone in such a union is a lack of communication. Often a man contains a young wife, pays for her studies and hobbies. They, usually, are rarely seen. He disappears at work, she - gives more time to her friends. Deficiency of communication can be avoided if the girl learns to live the interests of her husband.
But it is also desirable for a man not to stiffen, to try to look at the world through the eyes of young people. To do this, alas, is not easy: a man after thirty-forty years usually does not want to change his habits. However, if this happens, then the reward will be mutual understanding in the family. The secret fear of a mature spouse can be the loss of male power. Often it seems to him: he does not satisfy the sexual appetites of a young wife, she will exchange it for a young lover. There is jealousy, suspicion. A woman should understand the feelings of her chosen one, try to convince him of the opposite. If necessary, the couple can apply to a psychologist
Young man, invite to dance!
A lady who is much older than her faithful will be more likely to visit a beauty salon, watch the weight. This is a plus. But it will be accepted
count how many times he looked after his odnodokam. This behavior is usually annoying. And even if the husband is head over heels in love with his mature lady of heart, he can cool to her and leave. Experts advise not to dwell on their fears, but to emphasize the good sides of the union. After all, something attracts a man in you? Quite often the lady 35 - 40+ "nurses" the young elect, becomes for him a psychological "mother". For a while, a man likes it (especially if he lacked maternal caresses). But then he will get tired of this attitude, he himself wants to take care of someone. And find another. The main thing for mature ladies is not to become a mummy to their husband, but to try to communicate with him on an equal footing.
When the years give
The gap between generations is for the benefit of the couple - if the two try to exchange experience and hear each other. Age inequality is especially good for creative people. The younger will not let the elder grow fat, open up new horizons. A mature man will help the young man in his career. A temporary break will contribute to the spiritual growth of both spouses. But for citizens, from the creative professions of the distant, a significant difference is not bad. Chosen older? Or much younger? And in both cases the woman has her own bonuses. A mature husband gives a sense of stability - financial and emotional. The young partner helps not to lose the tone (the lady carefully monitors herself). And, at last, to spouses it is simply good together! And what is the difference between how old is it between them?