When the family dies? .. When we do not cope with having an ideal family? Or is it just the myths about an ideal family, the ideas of people who face reality and become an obstacle to happiness? After all, a happy family, created on the basis of mutual attraction, marriage "for love" - this is mostly a game, a fad of nature. Two lovers, who have strong feelings, do not differ much from wood grouses for current - I do not notice anything, the main thing is that I attract a partner. When the union of two is formally formalized, even before that happy moment they lived "without signing" - a ceremony corresponding to the moment solemnity seems to drown out the most important thing ...
Assurances of "eternal love" do not let the inner call of the soul, the need for "union", be happy. And after they do not understand, they arrange wars for the sacred right to satisfy these needs with the help of a "partner" ... "Is an ideal family a myth or a reality?" - that's what the partners who are trying to build a relationship are really solving.
The mating season will noisy, and the partner's (and family life) shortcomings will hurt the projecting corners of two accidentally sedimented ones. The ideal family, myth and reality about who we are for each other, will begin to "creep" out from under a thick layer of chocolate-vanilla romance.
Some will agree with the cynics that a good deed will not be called a good thing, and others, in anticipation of the next season and full of feelings, will run divorced, again to get involved in the search for their happiness ...
He's not that ...
The reasons why people leave deeply disappointed in marriage and a partner are very diverse. The simplest (and, alas, widespread) is the child's impression that there is supposed to be a "one" person who understands from a half-word, will do as one likes just because he loves. And many, under the influence of the myth of an ideal family, do not see reality. And also because from childhood there were a lot of disappointments - at least mom and dad, who were not at all ideal, - are looking for this man. Judging by the myth about the "halves", walking around the world, this problem has been plagued by mankind for many millennia!
The same "cockroach" can be observed in men. It seems that he likes him - and as a cook, and as a woman ... but something "elusively wrong", the ideal family did not work out. And either looking for "the same", or begins to adjust the only one under the invisible ideal. Here you need to show character and at least defend yourself, but as a maximum - to help your loved one grow up a bit ...
Fathers and Sons
Another important reason for the "death" of a new family is the ongoing clarification of relations from the "old" family: cavils, rivalries, fears that he (she) will interfere with a career, different social and cultural layers. Although sometimes it's not a matter of hatred of parents' families for daughters-in-law and sons-in-law. Many "children" marry and marry, remaining eternal "sons" and "daughters", so their family becomes for them a rescue, "emergency exit", and any increase in control by them is perceived as enslavement. Over time, of course, comes the understanding that the family they did not work, or rather, they break away at an eternal party "while the ancestors at the dacha."
Sometimes it happens that two dream to merge into a single family, feeling their moral immaturity: looking at such pairs, it seems that two ten-year-olds decided that together they will look like a twenty-year-old man looks stupid. The current excitement around sexual feelings ("112 ways to make it fly to heaven") also turns people, or rather, not at all by their heads. Seeing how someone with a run-in dives into the whirlpool of new passions, sensations, I want to remind you that there is nothing new under the sun.
Family in the family
The roles of spouses in the family can vary, for example, from "his mother" to "father's daughter", and vice versa, and because of the confusion and lack of skill to ask what the partner needs, the attempt to acquire a new family without resolving moral problems in the old become a very severe test for both. A marriage partner may never become a "adoptive father", completely not coinciding with his own father. Add here a rattling mixture of biological and psychological fathers and stepfathers, and sometimes even from the second, third marriage, a pile of half-sisters, brothers and all whose roles changed from time to time, and add your children's images about your parents inspired by books, tales and movies. And now try to separate the female and male images, isolate the social roles of all those who influenced you in different ages, raise the degree of intimacy and try to finally build your relationship, so they (in contrast to all the mentioned ones) will truly be personal, free from other people's stereotypes! Is not it?
"We" and "I"
In our Slavic, and not Western, traditions, the echoes of that holiness, which was assigned to the institution of marriage, are still strong. Till now people go under a wreath and seriously suffer the "marriage in heavens" because of "the god of the given" spouse. The roots of this tradition can be clearly seen in even earlier customs - to go to the death after the deceased husband or "dissolve" in the beloved, not having an independent value.
In the West, and now partly in our cultures, following the cult of "we", individuality was an attempt at escape. Disappointment, inevitably present in a pair of incorrigible individualists, even if she prepares dinner, and he leads the children into the park on weekends, leads to the collapse of a love boat not at all about life.
When two people come to the difference between "us" -families and "two-i" -families, they often wonder: so what do you do - lose yourself or be "neighbors in the common kitchen"? Recall that in human relations the formula 1 + 1 does not give the same result as in arithmetic, not "two", but "eleven", and none of the "components" lose the most valuable - itself. What remains interesting for another for many years ...