It is not uncommon to hear a girl complaining to her friend: "My boyfriend does not want me!" Advice of a specialist - do not panic ahead of time. The reasons can be different. You probably already tried all the tricks you know. Called him to the movies for a film with mesmerizing bed scenes, paints painted a happy and full-fledged girlfriend's novel, once agreed to stay with him for the night - no reaction. You meet half a year and two weeks, but between you there is not even a hint of passionate intimacy. If a 21 year old boy has no desire for sex - what is it? Why does not he want you?
1. You eat it.
So any zoologist who has dedicated his entire life to the study of mantises can answer. The fact is that females of these insects devour males after mating. That is, if you are a female praying mantis (sounds, of course, implausible, because the mantis females do not read online magazines), his refusal of sex is the only chance to save his life. Of course, you do not eat guys - in the literal sense of these words. But you have other horror stories for him. Suddenly, you will require him to compensate for sex together to rent an apartment, together run to the bank for a loan or together slowly take a walk in the direction of the registry office? Well, or at least urge you to love you until the end of the century. Jokes are jokes, and these options for the boy are tantamount to the prospect of being eaten alive.
2. Afraid to break off.
Of course, on your part. He thinks about this: "Well, yes, I know these girls. Now dragged into the room, then to the bed, and there kisses, all kinds of petting. And at the most crucial moment she will certainly say that she is not ready yet. She's nothing, and I'll walk all day, like a fool, with an erection. " I must admit, the boy's fears are justified. In the world there is not a single nedevstvennika, which is here so never broke off. Sensations are not pleasant. And it's disgusting on the soul, and it hurts in the groin. To avoid such incidents, learn to delimit boundaries in time. In advance, accurately hint that long kisses - always please. But with all the rest you would like to wait, because you are not ready yet. The guy will thank you. The view, of course, will not be given, but if not a fool, in the depths of his soul will be glad to someone who did not have to break right on the battlefield.
3. It protects reputation.
Its. Once I went to summer to rest in the pioneer camp, where I met Sveta, most of all in which I was attracted by looseness. What virgin do not want to meet with a relaxed girl? Many guys, by the way, envied me. At night they ran to the girls to smear them with toothpaste, and I to Svetka - to kiss under the blanket. The benefit of further kissing is not gone. A few days after the beginning of the promising novel, kind people told me about Svetlana, that my hair moved even on my feet. In short: last summer, while resting in the same camp, she started a romance without taking it easy, immediately with the entire football team. Of course, I'm exaggerating a little, but in general the scale of the tragedy was really great. In short, I decided that it is better to be a little more a virgin than to feel the oblique glances of others around the end of the camp shift. Did you think it was important for the girls that they were talking about them? Oh, no, this is an erroneous statement. The guys are just as frozen on reputation issues, they also look at public opinion, like you. And the snag may be not only in a dubious past. Quite possibly, it is stopped and something else. Your penchant for the behavior model described in the previous paragraph, for example. Or a mania to tell about their novels to the right and to the left. Or just the general dislike of his company to you. Pay attention: does he try in principle to hide that there is something between you?
4. You are a virgin.
This option may initially seem very far-fetched. However, it turns out to be very common. To deprive a girl of innocence for many - a strong stress. And besides the additional responsibility. The idea that to become someone for the first really really cool, some guys for some reason does not attend. And what they only think is a mystery. Perhaps the guy heard that when a loss of virginity is blood, and he is afraid of her. Or thinks that after that you will never leave him, and he is too young to bind himself to you for life. Or vice versa - thinks that you want to use it, and then immediately quit. Anything is possible. Talk to him.
If suddenly you heard from the guy a refusal motivated by your innocence, do not rush to "correct" the situation by persuasion or other strange ways. Of course, a young man can justify his behavior by the fact that he does not like the sight of blood. Or, as an option, reluctance to hurt you. But, of course, this is not the whole point. First, the painfulness of the first sexual intercourse and the loss of red liquid in decaliters are greatly exaggerated. And secondly, boys also have a conscience. Perhaps the guy does not see the continuation of your relationship or just does not love you. She knows how the first sex is important to the girl and does not want to hurt you with subsequent unpleasant explanations, as well as your insults to him and the whole white light. Be grateful to him: fortunately, you have failed - it is fortunately in this situation.
5. There is an alternative.
Actually, he has a lot to do. So much that the hormonal bursts can not break into his handwritten schedule. As a consequence - stress in the institute or at work, or, which is quite a nightmare, here and there. Add to this the love of alcohol and a sedentary lifestyle. And everything becomes quite understandable. The case, of course, is not quite neglected. Sex for him, in general - it's great. But some other time. Today he is too tired, so it will be a great pleasure to watch football. Or, say, he's serious about any business. He is an athlete, and tomorrow he will have to show off at the final competitions. Or he is an entrant, and after 12 hours he has an entrance examination. Or he is a junior intern, and next Monday he is a board of senior trainees, where he gives a talk. Your boy decides to take care of himself. Here, I must admit, he's a fine fellow. Everything is right. Sex - occupation is not only pleasant, but also very energy-consuming. Especially for the male body. So, you know, give the person a nap. Someday later, after returning to you after a small victory, he will arrange such a sex - will not seem a little!
Do not be upset if your novel does not develop at the pace you expected. Maybe everything just turned up at the wrong time. Now he is concentrating on other problems, so he does not hurry. Until he turned 70, the situation is not considered hopeless. You still have time to do everything. Choose alcohol, especially beer. There are many substances like female hormones that lead to a decrease in potency. Do not bother him with reproaches and claims (at least for the time of his work deadlines) and invite you to visit the fitness center together. Everything will happen soon, you'll see.
6. Nothing feels.
Well, or feels, but something else. He's really friendly with you, and you've already imagined a car and a small cart for the future rosy-cheeked offspring. Who gave you the right to decide for him his future? Yes, sometimes he kisses you quite ambiguously. Even hugs her waist. But he is so, without subtext, on the machine. They are not always controlled, these impulses of tenderness. As they say, sex is not a reason for dating. So, this rule has a double-turner: acquaintance is not a reason for sex. Bear in mind.
Perhaps he himself did not fully understand what he felt about you. But this is clearly not what you expect. He protects you like a younger sister. She stays like a child. He respects, as an elder comrade. And just does not want to. Probably, he is still in love, but ... Even somehow too in love. It happens. He will blow off a speck of dust from you, but he will not undress. Perhaps, when the crown falls, everything will settle down. Perhaps, but not fact. Some boys do not step over this through their "worship".
7. It hurts.
And this is no joke. There can be different reasons. One other is more unpleasant. Imagine that you need to go to a disco, but the only shoes that are available are three sizes smaller. Have fun at the disco? That's him in sex, nothing fun, if he has serious technical problems. He's better off to the side. It will be even better - and tell him - if he stops playing the fool and descends with his problem to the doctor. Unfortunately, the more insistently you propose to the guy to undergo treatment, the higher the risk that he will leave, but not to the doctor, but from you. Either patiently wait until he is tortured and he will decide on this step, or try to cheat. Ask him, for example, to escort you to the polyclinic. Maybe while he waits for you in the queues, and he decides to make an appointment?
8. Complexes.
A very common case. For example, a guy gave himself the word of honor with masturbation. At least for the time of a permanent relationship with the girl. Of course, the peasant said - he made a man. But who could have imagined that, for example, a month would pass from the beginning of the novel to sex? The result will be depressing: the first night can end when you start. There are two on the account. Soon, relations may end. The guy had a complex: they say, I did it all too quickly. Then he began to worry beforehand, repeating to himself like an abnormal: "Only do not-end-just-do-not-end," but as a result, naturally, he finished even faster.
Hence the advice: be ready, that for the first time everything will be completely different than in the cinema. And if he ends much faster than you start, remember - it's him with delight. It's a little calming down, getting used to the idea that next to him such unearthly beauty - and everything will be fine. Not exactly a clever girl might think: if everything ended too quickly, then the guy impudently used it. Or does not love really. Or has no experience. Bad, shorter. It is necessary to change urgently. Of course, if you part with him for this reason, you can only be happy for the boy: it's great that he got rid of such a hard-hearted person like you. Just imagine how it would hurt you if you undressed before your favorite guy, and you suddenly lit the spotlights and someone's disgruntled voice began to sound: "The nose is long, the chest is small, on the stomach - three large folds and thighs with cellulite !" Fearfully? I would like to have sex then? The guy after the fiasco feels about the same. If you really want everything to be all right. If you experience not only for yourself, but for him, in case of failure or acute attack of any other complex (big stomach, narrow shoulders, little experience, tremendous responsibility - it is not enough because of what he can be confused), let him feel how You love him very much. And he'll show you what he can do.
9. Maybe he just sleeps.
This is the most affordable option! A boy who does not want to have sex, just sleeps. Try to wake him up. If a guy really wants sex, you think to yourself: "Ah, well, all boys only need one." If he does not want anything like that, the thought in his head itches: "Either sick, or with the psyche something is wrong - or maybe all together." Poor boys. You put them in a desperate situation: whatever you do, everything is bad! Maybe a little more sensitivity and understanding? Then all of you will be the best.
10. Asexual.
And maybe your boyfriend is asexual? And he is just sure: true love should be built only on platonic relationships, and sex is an occupation for animals, there is no need to desecrate them. Did you hear from him something like that? This phenomenon is still poorly understood, but hurry to hang labels on it and attribute to it diagnoses. Most likely, his refusal of sex is caused by deep complexes or psychological traumas experienced in childhood. If he is 16, this behavior is rather a plus: he is learning to develop high adult relationships. And if he is already 21 and if you do not share such views, you simply do not follow the path. If a 21-year-old boy has neither desire nor sex, look for another.