If you can not cope with your child, if disobedience behavior and conflicts become part of your life, if communication with the "child" brings you complete disappointment, do not despair. Our article "If the child does not obey what to do?" Will help you solve this problem.
The case is fixable, but there is a special work to be done. Naughty children are often accused of trying to find in them a bad gene, malice, etc. In fact, in a group of "difficult" people usually write children highly sensitive, vulnerable.
Reacting much more impulsively than the more stable children, under the influence of loads, they "roll off the reels" under the influence of life difficulties that have arisen. The reasons are in the depth of the child's psyche. The reasons for these are emotional, and they need to be known.
The first is the struggle for attention. Not getting the proper amount of attention, so necessary for the successful development of the child, for his well-being, a way to get attention for sure is disobedience. Better attention than no.
The second reason is a protest against excessive power, parents' guardianship - the struggle for self-assertion. The requirement "I myself" of a two-year-old baby keeps on throughout the childhood period, sharply exacerbating in adolescence.
Children are extremely sensitive to restriction, infringement of this aspiration. If the criticism and orders are cutting, and advice and remarks are uttered too often - the child rebels. Stubbornness, self-will, actions in defiance of. The meaning of all this is to defend the right to decide their own affairs.
The third reason is the desire to just take revenge. Children are often offended by their parents. Causes? They are different. From unfulfilled promises to the divorce of parents. In this case, the meaning of bad behavior - "You hurt me, even if you feel bad."
And, finally, the fourth reason is the lack of faith in yourself, in your own success. The child does not work in any one area of life, and disappointment occurs entirely in another. Having accumulated failures and reproaches in his address, he comes to the conclusion: "Why do something, it still will not work." It's in the soul, and by behavior it will show: "I do not care", "Yes, bad", "So what, I'll be bad." The aspirations of the child are quite natural and positive. They talk about the desire to be successful, express the natural need for respect and recognition of the child's personality, the need for attention, caress and care from the parents. The trouble of "difficult" children is that these needs are not realized, and they suffer from this and from trying to make up for this shortage in ways that are unable to make up for anything. What is the "irrationality" of these guys? Yes, just that they do not know how to do it differently. Therefore, every serious violation of the child's behavior is a signal, a request for help.
The key question arises: what to do next, when I figured out, which of the situations corresponds to your case? First, try not to react as the child is used to and expects from you, thereby breaking this vicious circle, and only after that go to the position of help. Help in each case, of course, different.
If the matter is in the struggle for attention - show your positive attention to the child. This is promoted by walks, joint activities, games. During this period, disregard his habitual disobedience. A little time will pass, and the need for them will disappear by itself.
If the cause of the clashes is the struggle for self-affirmation, then, on the contrary, moderate your hyper control over the affairs of the child. It is extremely important for children to accumulate their own experience. This applies to both the decisions of the child and his failures. Refrain from those requirements, which, as you know from experience, he will not fulfill. On the contrary, do not challenge his own decision, and agree with him on the terms of its implementation and discuss the details. But especially you will realize that the willfulness and stubbornness of the child is just a form of supplication: "Let me finally live my own mind."
You have experienced an insult - ask yourself a question: what caused the child to cause it to you? What experience does he experience himself? How could you offend him? Having understood the reason, it is necessary to eliminate it.
However, the most difficult situation for a parent who has despaired, and a child who has lost faith in his strength. Reasonable behavior of the parent in this situation - stop asking for proper behavior. Zero your expectations and claims. Look for the level of tasks available to the child, and move from this initial beachhead along with your child. You leave the impasse with him. At the same time, do not allow any criticism towards him. Encourage, mark the smallest success of the child! Insure him by talking with the adults who surround him at school. The first successes will inspire him.
In conclusion. Do not expect that by your diligence you will achieve victory from the first day. You need patience and time. The main effort should be directed to switching the flags of negative emotions (irritation, anger, despair) to a constructive constructive course of action. In a sense, you have to transform yourself. It may be that the child does not immediately believe in you and the sincerity of your plans, and checking on his part will intensify disobedience, but you must - simply obliged - to withstand and this is a serious test. Believe in yourself, and good luck!