She fell in love and wants to meet with the boy. She completely abandoned her studies and is hovering in the clouds. She does not listen to anyone's advice and does not want to understand anything. So, your daughter's teenager retreats and does not go to contact - what to do? How to correctly approach this problem, do not lose the respect and confidence of the girl, do not become a stranger to her, and, most importantly, not be her number one enemy?
"We need to think about studying, but not to twist love!", "I was preparing for your institute at your institute, and not looking at the boys." "It's not enough to run around on dates" - such phrases in the most varied combinations and variants speak, speak and will speak to their teenage daughters, probably all mothers in the world. And the girls ran about secretly to their loved ones, and they will run to date, forcing parents and especially, of course, mothers, to worry about them and not to sleep at night, sitting at the window for hours.
The daughter of a teenager, knowing that the mother perceives the hostility of her meetings with her beloved, their joint trips to discos and parties, begins to cunningly, does not go into contact, turns around and lies to avoid scandals and reproaches at any cost. And having started to deceive, very easily can get used to lies, especially at such a young age.
Typical fears
Mothers always experience, it is natural: this is the law of nature. They want to know how far the relationship between the daughter and her boyfriend has gone. Why is the girl purring something under her breath, then walks gloomier than the cloud and does not talk to anyone? Maybe they already had, well, that's it? And what if the girl is pregnant? And if he abandons her, now what a youth! And if they decide to get married, it will only get worse, because the marriage between two children, one might say, will not last long, it's a fact.
How to be? Should I forbid her to meet him? But she is now retreating, she does not listen to adults at all, she is big, she is independent. And suddenly she will meet, but only, of course, a little later, and not now, a good guy and wants to marry her, and she has already tied herself to the wrong, and the girl will pass by the real love. The future, count, down. Needless to say, thoughts like these - the load is not easy. Yes, being a mother of a teenage daughter is not an easy task.
Best of all, if the girl herself voluntarily came and shared her problems and difficulties in a difficult moment with you, and not with a neighbor or girlfriend. In order to be necessary at the right time and be close so that she does not allow an irreparable mistake. But not all have a trusting relationship. And in this situation it is worth to understand for yourself a few important rules.
1. Do not prohibit communication
It is important to understand one important thing: scolding, resenting, banning, punishing is useless, it will not help. She still, no matter what, will continue to see her beloved, but only in secret. And in this case the mother will be the last person to whom the girl will go for advice if she needs it.
2. Dosage questions
Do not "get" your child with questions. They will not make her become more frank and make contact. Rather, on the contrary, it will close in itself even more. Do not focus on the fact that the meetings of young lovers necessarily end in bed. Nevertheless, take time to talk and tell your daughter about the means of protection, sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS and the consequences associated with them.
3. Get along without reproaches and comparisons
In no case, during conversations with your daughter, do not say: "You are only thirteen (fourteen, etc.) years old. What kind of love in your years can there be? "Such conversations of benefit will not bring and nothing will change. Your child will start moving away from you every day more and more. For her now her boyfriend is a light in the window, and you (should admit it) have come to the back burner. With these parents you have to put up with. And then, the girl should be sure that if she is frank with you, you will never and for no reason reproach her, do not be sarcastic about this.
4. Do not read notations
The most correct behavior is to tell her about the feelings you experienced at her age. After all, life repeats itself, only details change. That is, what you thought was a tragedy and even the end of the world in adolescence, now causes only a smile, bewilderment or surprise: how could I survive because of this?
5. Do not rush to express your opinion
Invite your daughter to invite a friend to your home. If you liked it, fine, do not hesitate to say this. If not - do not rush to list her qualities that you did not like. Do not tell her what to do. The best way out is to tell the girl what a trait her friend seemed to you, well, let's say, not the best, and ask if she agrees with you. If not, then admit that you respect her right to her point of view. Psychologists insist that after your words, she will involuntarily look at the negative line with your eyes.
6. Respect the child's personality
Never give a girl scandals and scenes only because you do not like her independence. It seems to you that she is still a child, the girl herself does not think so. She sees herself as an adult.
7. Be an understanding friend
Let your girl know that, in case of any trouble, she can turn to you for help, and you will not crush her with an avalanche of complaints like: I said, warned, I always was afraid ... On the contrary, let her be sure that you will help her efficient the advice of the closest, most understanding and most loving person in the world. This will not allow your daughter to retire to a teenager and not to make contact, which makes the situation not so insoluble.