"There is nothing wrong with jealousy." "Jealous, it means he loves." "Make me jealous, to wake up feelings." That's right - until jealousy turns into a disease and until children suffer from it.
To live with a person digging in your notebook, requiring you to call every two hours from work, to report for each day lived - hard. But remember that your spouse suffers much more. His whole life is a complete stress. He, as a rule, realizes that he is ill, tries to pull himself together, but when he sees a colleague kissing your cheek at a meeting, he loses control over himself.
Even if your "Othello" is an ideal father, at the moment of a fit of jealousy, he forgets about the children and does not think about their feelings.The consequences of this loss of control are usually very sad for the kids. can manifest itself in the form of enuresis, or many other diseases, or a nervous breakdown, but - most importantly - in the future such children reproduce the stereotype of behavior inherited from childhood already in their own family.
How to help the jealous? And at the same time and yourself?
First of all, it is necessary to realize that this is a disease, and it is necessary to fight it very, very carefully, not letting it progress. Do not laugh at your spouse. Throwing aside in passing: "We have a new colleague at work, very nice," you will not achieve anything except a sleepless night for him (and at the same time for himself) and his constant forays into your work. I have a new colleague "and to stop all the questions, saying:" It's better you still do not. "I'm not interested in anyone else." And it is desirable that on this your conversation was exhausted.
Do not indulge hysterics like "I saw that you looked at that type!" But do not forget that behind these words there may be just a lack of self-confidence and a desire to hear: "Yes you, he is absolutely nondescript, nothing at all from he does not represent himself, but in comparison with you he is just a morel (or vice versa, a block of fat)! "
Behind the rampant jealousy can hide the sense of ownership. So, Oleg was jealous of his wife (by the way, and did not think about treason) to any passing a man, did not let her on business trips. When they divorced, and his wife immediately began to meet with another, he was not even upset. "But we are not together anyway!"
In addition to jealousy from insecurity and the owner's feelings, there is jealousy, age, that is, youthful. "When my husband and I were 19 and he said that he likes Michelle Pfeiffer," recalls Sveta, "I nearly broke the TV and I did not talk with my husband for half a day." Now we are together with pleasure discussing the long legs of a girl passing by and expressive eyes actresses. "
And, finally, it happens that jealousy becomes a mania, a phobia. Here, there can be only one advice: urgently urge the spouse to go to a psychologist. It's not easy, but otherwise it's impossible. There alone can not cope.
By the way, take into account: regardless of whether the "affected party" you or yourself is very jealous - protect the child from your "showdowns". You in fact have already understood, what harm they put to the unformed children's mentality, is not that so? And it's absolutely impossible to let the child become a "language", reporting that "my mother called my uncle," and "Dad, when we were walking with him, met a pretty aunt."
Of course, it is very difficult for any jealous person to refuse from surveillance and other manifestations of his distrust. Try to tell your husband openly that you are uncomfortable, and ask him to save you from these actions and from the scenes of jealousy. Try to work on it persistently and as patiently as possible. Help him, if not get rid of the "Othello complex," at least soften, smooth it. A reward for the effort will be a grateful surge of feelings, peace and joy in the family.
And the last. Before you blame the spouse for excessive jealousy, follow yourself: perhaps you really do not miss a chance to talk with each more or less pretty young man? And maybe you spend all the evenings with the head of your dissertation, and the rest of the time you devote to discussing its merits? Then do not be surprised if in your wife Othello suddenly woke up! ..