Agree with your mom, if you have completely different positions - the task is not easy. Who knows how best as nimama? And who knows how Mom knows all of our weaknesses? Mom is better than anyone else, it is known which button you need to press to eventually bring the most weighty arguments. Psychologists are hopeful that there are still ways to come to a common denominator.
Rule First: Separate
It is impossible to build a harmonious relationship with your mother, if you do not separate from her. Of course, the first stage of the process has long been passed - during childbirth. But the real division comes much later. Some - in adolescence, others - sometimes. And yet, why can not an adult daughter separate from her mother?
First of all, it is terrible for the mother herself. It is terrible to let go of your child, because in fact it means that she is approaching her own old age and death. Thus, children turn into a kind of "damper" from their fear. In today's miredetey in families is not enough, and they often become an overprice for parents. And the supreme value of man invests the meaning of life. Agree that it is very fearful to lose the meaning of life - the reason for which you live. Parents spend on nusuyu time and energy, so when we grow up, they "just" want to get their time and energy in return. But the real division does not happen when you move to another apartment or city. You can not talk to your parents for years. This department occurs when you have a mature relationship with your parents, in which everyone respects the other, without tying himself or manipulating others. Separation is easy to do when there is a man nearby. It turns out that parents have their own family, you have your own, the positions are slightly leveled. But even in such cases there are difficulties. Mom can not give up without a fight. "It does not suit you" or "Live with us" - such phrases are designed to delay the separation. It is extremely important not to fall on their hook.
To separate from the mother is not to stop communicating with her. This means that you are separated in time to meet again. But to meet no longer as a mother and an adult-child, but as two adult women. Separation is equally difficult for both mothers and their daughters. The period of separation is often accompanied by the courts. But strangely enough, the more often they quarrel, the more they "merge" with each other. And the closer the relationship between the mother and daughter, the longer the period of separation will be more painful. In such cases, the following phrases can help to hear and understand each other: "Mom, the best you can do is to be happy regardless of me" or "Mom, please trust me to live an own life. After all, no one except me knows what will be better for me. " You can frankly talk about how you feel, how vainly. About what you can do to help her accept your choice. It is important to tell your mother that you will be very grateful to her if she understands your choice. It's also important to remind your mother that you are proud of her and very thankful for everything she has done for you.
With the minus naplyus
Another important factor to come to an agreement with my mother: with her you need to share everything that is really important to you. In such conversations, it is important to choose the right words and correctly convey to your mother your considerations. To understand and accept you, and not to condemn or take offense. It is also important to contact her for a period of time - she will know that you are still in need of her support, will feel necessary to you. In the event that theassortion did happen, it is necessary to compromise. At the same time, her mother needs to describe in detail what benefits she will receive. Talk about your feelings openly. If you can not resolve the dispute verbally, you just have to go and embrace. Gestures are sometimes more eloquent than any of our words.
Look deep
Often we see and hear only what specific words and gestures mean at the moment. But if you look at the essence, it turns out that with the help of the usual set of letters, they are trying to convey a completely different meaning. In an effort to agree it is necessary to understand what the reason is in this or that problem. Listen and look at the essence of the words and actions of the mother. For the phrase: "I know better" may be hidden "I'm afraid that you do not need me." Reproaches, cavils, prohibitions sometimes seem to our loved ones the only way to keep us close. And often zamoymnymi notations, intractability, as a rule, is the desire to take care to learn the child and earn his attention.
Be thankful
In the motherhood our mothers give us their life experience, a lot of support for the heat, which are invaluable for us. And many remain unable to accept that their child has grown. Now the world is bent to the so-called "teenage" pole. To date, "sending my mother away" is not difficult. But there is another problem: how to find a place of gratitude and tenderness in relations with this most loved and close person? The main thing is to emphasize the importance of these relations. Even if you quarrel, shout, argue, - my mother will always remain mamoy.A you in turn will still love her. After all, this brother can be your brother or sister. Often, mothers have high hopes for us and some of them are not justified. Remember that it is very important that you remain a family forever, despite any disagreements and obstacles.