Parting with your lover

Life is unpredictable. It has everything: tears, laughter, joy, sorrows, meetings, and, regrettably, parting. And if we can still part with friends, then with the people we love it is much more complicated.

If friends with time can simply step aside, then lovers experience the process of alienation painfully, even - tragically. We hardly ever want to remove the gifts of a friend from the eyes - out of mind. We do not come up with the idea to immediately get a new, more successful friend, to spite the old, with a postscript-diagnosis "ex" ...

So, gaps are bad, painful, scary. So we are used to thinking. We sometimes climb out of the skin to save the old, obsolete and ill-treated connections. We are afraid to remain alone, it hurts us to let go, it is intolerable for us to "be abandoned."

On the way out, we have either a relationship model, where one is too afraid of a break and goes for any concessions, and the second is using it with might and main. We have a model where there are no previous feelings, where there is no previous incandescence, where there is simply nothing. Nothing. So often you have to hear "keep the marriage at all costs", "get away from the conflict", "compromise". And all for what? To not be left alone in an icy bed and this cruel, cruel world. But think carefully - is it really necessary for you?

The fact is that we are used to treating the break as evil, and compromise as a blessing, but this does not mean that it really is. Also, do not go on about the misconception that, if the separation from the beloved has occurred, it is necessary to take revenge on the "former" by all means. Is not it better to just let go of the situation, and let yourself move on?

If a person was very close to you, and then did not act nobly or did not meet your expectations, this does not mean that you should dedicate your life to revenge. She can humiliate you both in the eyes of the "exa", and her own. Hardly a woman who will call and send letters with threats is admirable. Revenge is a recognition of your own defeat, remember this. Remember: resentment will pass, but with a sense of shame for what he has done to live for you. And it does not matter what you have done: put the candid photos of the former lover on a gay site or poured the door of his apartment with a valerian.

Much better and more productive will be forgotten. "It's easy to say," you will breathe, "Forget about everything that happened between us, about the words that spoke to each other ..."

Stop! No one offers to forget about all that is beautiful, what happened during your novel, it's completely useless. On the contrary, you need to remember the best, but do not regret that the moments are gone irrevocably.

Someone once said that nostalgia is when you want to return, but nowhere. You can not be back in childhood, revive deceased relatives. So why are you trying to return to the past and resurrect dead feelings? It is pointless.

Learn to remember, but do not miss. Learn to forgive and live on. In the carriage of the past you will not go far, but we have only a moment "here and now". When you want to miss - strongly, strongly, with feeling - allow yourself this luxury. Do self-flagellation, arrange a pity for yourself, but do not get carried away by it too. When anguish overwhelms you, find the strength to invite friends to visit or go camping, to a party, whichever you like. When you communicate with friends, use one trick: more often meet those who knew you and the former passion not just as a couple, but as two independent people. You will communicate a lot with fans of a once-happy union - you risk greatly stretching depression. In their eyes, you will read regret, even - reproach, so it's better to be distracted by new acquaintances, visit new places, wander to parties.

When it is necessary to survive the gap, it is important to see the fine line between sadness and self-flagellation. You risk becoming a victim if you are carried away by the latter. If you need a new life, settle for proposals that you have not considered before.

Do it, because sublimation is effective, and its fruits are often of greater value than the novel that gave birth to them. Dare: do not know how to sing - visit with your friends a karaoke bar, were afraid to travel - go camping. Take guitar lessons, jump with a parachute, learn how to cook super-delicious lasagna, learn French, learn how to twist a poi. When you take yourself with something unusual, sad thoughts will start to recede.

In general, allow yourself the luxury of loving yourself more than a former lover. Pamper, experiment, do not sit idly by, do not behave as you would like.

The best revenge for your ex is the device of your own life "after him" in such a way that you are satisfied with yourself. Do not let yourself think that he is the only one who can understand you. This is not true.

There are many wonderful people in the world, the main thing is not to turn away from the world, not to close from people. Trust them, just be more careful. The secret of happiness is that for every woman in a certain period of life there is a man who will love her. This is not an empty consolation, it is a fact.

To survive the gap, go on a diet. Surviving parting will help real natural tranquilizers. These include bread with bran and other products from whole grains. Pay attention to the turkey and milk. The cereals contain a complex of carboxylic acids, and in turkey and milk tryptophan. All of them are the precursors of serotonin, a substance responsible for a good mood.

To accelerate the healing process of emotional wounds, refuse sharp spices - chili and curry. Limit the consumption of coffee, it stimulates the nervous system, which does not contribute to soothing. Replace one tonic with others - herbal remedies, fruit teas and freshly squeezed juices. And for the figure is useful, and for the mood. Drink plenty of fluids: dehydration causes anxiety.

When there is a break, there is a whole list of recommendations called "What not to do". So, do not:

- get drunk before drunk and riot, mourning his broken heart with burning tears before unfamiliar people;
- sleep with a former drunk or sober business: most likely, sex will only upset you, because the feelings will not return the act;
- In general, talk with the former love, it is better to avoid, you never know how to agree: to tears, mutual accusations or melee.

It's better to clear the phone book from numbers, destroy email addresses and do not go "by chance" near his house. Lovely gifts, baubles, any memorable fetish is removed from the eyes. Give, give to the charitable organization, if it's not a pity - just throw it away. Photos are burning well, and joint habits are quickly forgotten, you just need to. But you want it, do not you?

No wonder the wise said, "Separation is not a loss, but a meeting with oneself." Extract the maximum of profit, learn from mistakes and build a new life without looking back.


Anastasia Krainer