Perhaps it makes sense to talk about crises that go hand in hand with any, even the happiest couple.
Risk area.
There are couples who are relatively easy to survive even the most difficult periods without consequences. Others fall apart at the first difficulties. To know what to expect from your relationship in the future, it is worth making sure whether you are in the so-called risk zone.
Problems often arise in couples with a large age difference between partners.
Do not wait for cloudless weather, if you have too different upbringing, education, social status, earnings.
The more spouses have differences, the richer the soil for the formation of various shocks.
A negative factor can be called living with parents, other relatives or just neighbors.
In the risk area fall pairs that pursue different goals, in which the attitude to the family manifests itself in different ways.
In addition, children are an important point. On the one hand, their presence can strengthen the crisis in relations, on the other hand, the absence of children does not save them from problems.
When to wait for the storm.
Psychologists do not agree on this. It is noticed that the first problems in relations arise when the couple gets tired of compromises. Usually this happens one year after the beginning of a joint life.
The following turning points occur every 4-5 years. The more factors that adversely affect relations, the more often there will be crises and the stronger will be each subsequent one.
There are couples whose relationships do not change much, regardless of the predictions of psychologists. Some feel only a crisis of 5 or even 10 years, and are very surprised to learn that this phase is far from being the first for them.
Symptoms of impending catastrophe.
It can not be said that the crisis comes suddenly on a certain day and time. Usually, until the critical moment, the spouses can observe some signs, by which one can determine when the peak of problems comes and when the denouement comes.
-Reduction of sexual activity.
The lack of intimacy can provoke conflict, but may be a harbinger of a real hurricane.
-No desire to arouse the interest of the partner.
About this stage they say a lot: the spouses do not care about their appearance in private with each other, allow slovenliness and do not notice the changes in each other.
-The inability to find a compromise.
If in the first year of living together you easily and with pleasure sought solutions to problems that would satisfy both, now it's the other way around, and everyone is pulling the blanket over.
-The lack of mutual understanding.
It is about this stage that they say, when you hear that the spouses began to speak different languages. Even the simplest and most understandable phrases sometimes cause an inadequate reaction, and the meaning of what has been said does not reach the addressee.
-Nedness in the details.
Now you do not even need a serious reason for a quarrel, there are any accusations coming in.
- Different weight categories.
It is quite normal that in a couple one of the spouses performs the role of leader, and the second - the slave. During a period of crisis, partners tend to change their roles by all truths and falsities, which only aggravate the situation.
-Mistrust.
Mistrust takes a purely pathological form. These are accusations of treason, even if there is absolutely no reason for them, these are accusations of actions that were not even thought about.
How to be?
To begin with, calm down. The crisis of relations is not a sentence to the relations themselves, they are just ordinary difficulties and a test of strength.
Realize that for you there has come a difficult moment that you can overcome only if you stick together. If your goal is to save the family, the storm will hardly touch you.
-Sorry each other.
In this difficult period, you will make mistakes, which you must necessarily forgive each other.
-Talk to each other.
The more you remain silent and keep within you, the greater the gap between you. Playing silently will only exacerbate distrust and irritation with each other.
-Try to find a compromise.
At this time, it is better to forget about ultimatums. The sooner you agree, the sooner the problems will end.
-Don't blame others.
The crisis can be provoked to some extent by other people, but they are not their cause. It is important to remember when you decide to blame each other on parents for each other, friends or even children. The appearance of children is a serious test for the spouses, but the crisis can also occur in couples where children are already adults or where they are not at all.
-Do not provoke it.
Now the quarrel flares easily from the dim light itself. Enough slanting glance, when suddenly there are complaints in response. Watch yourself and try not to provoke a partner.
-Do not forget to rest.
Including from each other. The crisis of relations is not the best time to spend days together on a flight. But do not distance yourself too much, otherwise all communication between you will disappear.
It is important not to be afraid to realize the fact that you have changed, and your relationship has changed. Marriages without quarrels do not exist, but you can become a successful example of how easy it is to overcome any difficulties without losing the main thing: respect and love for each other.