Today in the foreground in the upbringing are the disclosure of personal qualities and talents of a person, the ability to work in a team, but not to suppress their own desires for the sake of others' aspirations. The values of the past were not bad - they simply outlived themselves. And, educating modern children, this must be taken into account. For example, to teach them to say no and get rid of feelings of guilt for refusal - everyone has the right to personal opinion. Who previously could afford it within the framework of a large unified system?
Because of ignorance of new rhythms or, conversely, hitting their maelstrom, parents make mistakes in raising a child in a full-fledged family. Which ones?
To give birth for yourself
In our time, gender equality has been established - women have complete freedom of action. And also a social and economic opportunity to raise and educate children on their own. Raising a child in a full-fledged family is an important advantage not only for parents, but also for the child. But the mother can not completely replace the father - she does not have the features, tendencies, even the smell of the stronger sex, without which the child will not have experience with men. Children who grew up without father's upbringing are prone to infantilism in their adult life: it is common for them to avoid responsibility, shift their own problems to others, and not always give positive influence. Daughters of single mothers often turn their future husband into an overprice, and the sons have an understated self-esteem - the boy does not subconsciously project his father's disobedience to himself, because he is also a man. By the way, the wording "to give birth to yourself" is nothing more than cunning: thus, a woman tries to solve some problems. For example, the question of loneliness, female realization or, also a feature of modernity, material well-being.
I'm looking for a father to my child
If the relationship with the biological father of the baby has not developed, it is not an occasion to seek him for the upbringing and development of a new father. It is first and foremost to search for the beloved and loving man. A reliable partner will accept someone else's child and bring up his own, because the latter is part of the woman he adores. Otherwise, focusing on "paternal", you can lose personal qualities - and conflicts in the newly-made family will not keep you waiting. It is for sure not known what is better: to live without a father or with a stranger in the house from the principle of "that was." Each parent's quarrel was perceived by the child as a small tragedy. Anxiety, a sense of fear and involvement in the unfolding battles (and suddenly the culprit of the debriefing - he?) Have long haunted the fragile psyche of the child. Therefore, it is important if the child is raised in a full-fledged family. By the way, so that children never had a guilt complex, when talking, always look in the eyes: either sit down to the level of the child, or take it in your arms. Eyes in the eye - the position of equals.
Choose - I do not want!
To be able to make a choice is to take responsibility. Awareness of the price of the chosen path comes with time, but you have to choose to teach the baby to 7 years - until he left the purely parental environment. Otherwise, the crumb will easily succumb to all sorts of persuasions and adventures, often - very dangerous. It is easier for him to join the ready-made scheme, than to develop one's own or express a protest. The roots of slave behavior can be found at a family meal: without asking the child what he wants for dinner or what color jumps he likes, his mother offers him a ready-made solution. He will look for him in adulthood.
When preparing a dinner, always offer a choice of a couple of dishes. To learn to choose is better from two variants - among a greater quantity of the offered child is lost.
Do not confuse this moment with the indulgence of the heir's whims. After all, each of his decisions will have consequences and something to teach him, to reveal his personal qualities and ability to defend his interests.
Without explanation
All prohibitions must be justified: there is no telling the child, without going into the details of such a decision, it's like giving a green light. Chad needs to be explained, as in the famous poem, what is good and what is bad, why it is possible or impossible. After all, having no moral criteria, the beloved son or daughter will choose the forbidden fruit - the unknown is always attractive. Modern mothers often choose a setting for upbringing "grow up - sort it out" or "life will show." But in the child's head, very receptive to everything new, information will inevitably come in a roundabout way: through the TV, the street, the Internet. It, to put it mildly, does not always correspond to reality and accepted norms in society.
Grandmother instead of babysitting
Children should be brought up by their parents or, by virtue of their employment, professional nannies. The latter know the demands made on society by society, and instill survival skills in it. Not for nothing today in the list of requirements for governesses is higher education, knowledge of foreign languages and psychological techniques (for example, to quickly calm down, switch the child's attention). But completely to leave education to hired people it is not necessary: deficiency of parental communication can cause the kid's feeling that he was abandoned. He can easily turn even into a slob - throwing clothes, toys and cookies with one purpose - to attract attention. Or to start to hurt: the raised body temperature, lethargy and apathy for certain will force mum and the daddy to distract on time from work.
Grandmother and grandfather in the role of a carer fit more for a weekend or a vacation. By concepts and rules laid down by them, the child can not take advantage in the modern world. After all, as a rule, grandparents love to nostalgic about the past.
I do not love you
Who in the heat of anger or despair did not drop a child to the phrase: "I do not love you anymore" or "I will not love you"? It is these words, and not a slap on the pope, - the most severe psycho trauma for a child. It is cyanide potassium on the brain of a small family member, because children tend to understand everything literally. Therefore, no matter how mischievous the mischievous person is, such phrases should be excluded from active communication and replaced with expressions that tell of your feelings. For example: "I love you very much, but I was so upset because of your act" or "You're so smart, kind and I'm hurt when you say so." Pass your experiences with feelings, not with destructive words.
Papa - to the left, mom to the right
It is difficult to raise a crumb if the parents have different views on education. Each of them grew up in his family, with his traditions, cultural, national, religious and other values. But without a single tactic of behavior in the education of heirs can not do, otherwise you can ruin the relationship with the second half and the children themselves. It's simple: the daughter or the son is an integral part of the family, the bearers of family information. Girls are always emotionally, genetically and energetically more connected with the mother of the father, and the boys - with the father of the mother. That's why bad relations with the mother-in-law (read - not the acceptance of her family values) lay the conflict between the mother and daughter, and the father-in-law's father-in-law propose a tense relationship between the father and the son.
In addition, children are cunning enough and, with different approaches to parenting, their parents will occupy a position that is advantageous for them at the moment, to run from camp to camp. It is possible that the baby will turn into a home manipulator - he will try to get what he wants by any means. So the family needs a compromise and the ability to accept other people's rules.