At the word "marriage" you immediately begin to think about escape. Because I have not worked up yet. Because I'm not sure that he is the one and only. Because you do not want to lose a delightful state of lightness and carelessness, and also afraid of responsibility. Believe me, you're not the only one. Psychologists say that procrastination before the conclusion of the union or the syndrome of the "wedding ring" is normal.
As a rule, the girl experiences most of the wedding stresses directly due to the fact that she part with the carefree and former carefree life, as well as from fear before the incomprehensible, unknown future. When you say "yes", one must already adhere to the existing image of herself. In general, this is a kind of loss, and loss is always sadness, here there are ideations, and stresses, and a bad mood. Some of us manage to survive this crisis very easily, many girls step over the threshold of marriage and begin their happy married life. But others can not master themselves, so they either in every possible way in different ways try to delay the wedding or run away from the registry office. To prevent this, it is necessary to find out where these fears come from. Sometimes this is enough to overcome them and enter into a married life.
The frightening spirit of a free woman
A few weeks before the wedding, your imagination goes off and it's feverish. You look at your beloved and see in it not solid dignity as before, but some shortcomings, you carp at him on trifles. Instead of living amicably, you begin to fight. One of the married women confesses to the psychologist: "We almost canceled the wedding, I cried at night, I was not in the mood during the day, I cried and broke at all, I did not have any appetite, because of the experiences and stresses, I dropped 7 kilograms . I always thought that I was going to marry the wrong man. I called my ex-boyfriend and arranged a meeting, started to flirt at work with co-workers. In general, I almost did not change my choice .... But my already married friend stopped me and drooped, and so I would lose such a good person. "
And this woman is not alone and you are no exception. Many women behave the same way before the upcoming wedding. This does not mean that they suddenly realized that they chose the wrong person for living together. A frightened woman begins to indulge in tempting pleasures and suddenly developed appetite for adventure, they become grumpy and startled. Men are also not far away from us. After all, they experience more women. Before the wedding, we seem to be ringing a bell, giving a sign that perhaps there are more beautiful, more promising, more clever, better options. But in order to get rid of these secret "whisperings" of the soul, it is necessary to understand where they come from. When we know better the "spirit of a free woman", unpleasant thoughts will dissolve by themselves.
If it does not help, it means that the reason lies much deeper and, perhaps, its roots come from childhood. Often our former guys leave a deep imprint in the heart and every time we remember and experience it. They can not be forgotten until the end. In my soul I feel sad and vague feelings remain. And then just before the wedding, we start to think that maybe somewhere, somehow, someone did not realize themselves and think that we can not do this with a real man.
Fear of bondage
If your fiance is constantly running to his friends to have a beer, he must have freaked out and panicked. He thinks about the fact that when you put a stamp in your passport, you will put a yoke on him and he will become addicted. It has not been a year since your fiancé has started to live independently and enjoys bachelorhood, and most importantly, he has no accountability for anyone. And when the time comes for marriage, he sees only that which he will always be obliged to, and of course, longs for the ramshackle life that he liked so much.
He thinks that he is not waiting for a happy family life and a beautiful wife, in his thoughts only that he is waiting for "fetters." The guy begins to envy friends who freely live, as they want and like. However, with all these thoughts, the future wife does not become easier. The most important thing in this situation is to show understanding and sincerity.
Free and lonely
To you already for 25, and the elect such, about which you always dreamed. But despite this, when he is just beginning to think about marriage, you are translating the conversation into another topic. You feel and you know that this stress is incomprehensible, but you can not cope with it. Women say that they already had everything ready for the wedding, invitations sent out ... And suddenly there comes fear that it will be necessary to take responsibility for someone else. They began to imagine how the husband would lose his job and sit on the couch with the beer in front of the TV, and the woman would have to work for two.
Many women break off relations with the groom before the wedding, and then regret it. The electors in this case, as a rule, do not object, but simply leave. Their friends successfully marry and have children, and they remain the same alone and somewhere far away in their hearts they dream of marriage. Often such women themselves are free lionesses. If you belong to this type, then before you refuse the offer of the hand and heart and return to the apartment where only the cat yearns for you, understand for yourself that you are so afraid.
As a rule, you are not afraid of a partner, not lack of money and no life. An independent and free woman very often cancels a wedding because she is afraid of being abandoned. Thus, you protest, do not recognize that you want to be dependent on someone and at the same time try to hide the fear of marriage. You are afraid that the husband "will beat" out of you that independent woman, and then will leave. The reason that a woman does not want you to marry can be hidden in childhood. Perhaps, how much you were dependent on your parents, that now your fear has become so huge because of the fear of becoming dependent on another person-your husband.
After stress and experience
Have you already been married once and have you been offered again? But the first marriage was unsuccessful, you survived the divorce and depression, so now you are just afraid that everything will happen again.
Women argue that when the day comes, the first time they married, every year they experience stress and are panic-stricken that it will happen again, they say that the second divorce would simply destroy them.
Perhaps you caught yourself thinking that you are trying to compare the new elect with the first husband and try to find in him the same qualities and traits. But if you do not get married for the first time, then you must understand that such experiences are quite appropriate. Divorce was in your life and this is a trauma that will not go anywhere, it needs to be survived and let go. Because of this, when you hear a repeated offer of marriage, you begin to experience fear. Do not fight with these insidious thoughts and do not project the first marriage, which failed, to a new one. Now the foreground is the current relationship, take care of them.
By the way, some argue that the failed first marriage is an excellent alibi in order not to do it again. Women say that once they have tried marriage, they do not want to experience it again.
Big depression, small problems
Maybe you do not have any problems at all, or it is not as big as you blew it? You're just afraid of the wedding itself. When you see a wedding dress, you are covered with jim. And you constantly think that you will faint at the altar. So, something is wrong? Not at all. These are ordinary emotions, just survive this day and all. Stress goes away or at least decreases, when a person relaxes, relax and you.
Tell us about your thoughts and doubts about your future husband. Remember that a good relationship is a sincere and trusting relationship. If the negative accumulates in your head, then soon it will lead to drama. Because at one point all bad thoughts will come out. But if you still can not cope with yourself, then admit that the problem lurks inside you and you need to go to a psychologist.
Sometimes stress before marriage is a signal that we are not able to build a good relationship. Therefore, in such a situation the partner will not help you. He just can not stand it.