The Bible says: "Parents ate green grapes, and the children had a grin on their teeth." And this metaphor is by no means an exaggeration! If you reconstruct the history of your family and compile a detailed genealogical tree with important dates and events, you can shed light on many of your problems and not just to understand, but to get rid of them!
The French psychotherapist Anne Anselin Schutzenberger began with herself, analyzing recurring events in her family (the death of a young child). As a result, she opened a new method of psychotherapy and created a young science - psycho-genology, cleansing that the key to unraveling anxieties and failures often hides in the past of the family.Family Accounting
We all come from childhood. And the most beautiful thing in us, and heavy injuries, usually from there. Children do not choose either their parents or the situation in which they grow up. And all the cargo of its kind, all the "inheritance" of the mother and father, grandparents, grandmothers and great-grandfathers then carry on their shoulders. But there are no families without problems! Former wars, repressions, clan curse, personal secrets of everyone - all this weighs heavily on us, descendants. Many of the family history has been lost in the centuries, other facts are deliberately hiding - and then bursting into the surface with our fears and anxieties, personal unsettledness ...
Take at least "family accounting" - an unofficial system of mutual accounting between relatives. Each of us has a moral obligation to the family. Already the fact that our parents raised us, spent their energy, puts us in a certain dependence: there is a debt that needs to be returned. But it turns out, in an adequate family system, debts are given through the chain: parents - to us, we - to our children, and those - to our grandchildren. Nevertheless, many fathers and mothers keep their children with them, stimulating feelings of guilt. "I sacrificed so much for you! .." This leads to dramatic situations: the daughter does not like her family life because she cares for her parents; The son does not marry to please his mother ... Manipulation! The family accounting system is extremely complex. Relatives can tacitly demand that you pay the debts of previous generations - and you dare not object. At the same time, there is a feeling that you are being used. But if you understand where "legs grow" from, you can draw an invisible line between the present and the past.
An example from life
Varya and Lena are second cousins. Varya lives in the capital, and Lena - in a small town. She sends her son to study in Moscow and arranges to live with Varya. Although the one and the big apartment, but she is uncomfortable that the house was an adult guy: Vary has two daughters, but she can not object. Working with a psychologist brings to light an important detail: during the war, grandmother Vari lived in the family of her sister-in-law - and only because of this, she survived. This sister-in-law was exactly Lena's grandmother. Therefore, in Lenin's family there is a firm conviction that Varina's family is "obligated" to them.
Skeletons in the closet
They have every family. Facts about which they prefer to remain silent: illegitimate children and prison past, repressed and committed suicide ... "The dead are invisible, but they are not absent," - these words of Blessed Augustine are very true in this case.
The mystery of the family has a decisive influence on our life! It can determine the choice of classes, hobbies, while remaining a secret for ourselves. As if something inside makes us choose this profession, this particular man (although in fact we wish for ourselves another!). How does this happen? Specialists in this field suggest that the forbidden information is transmitted unconsciously from the mother to the baby. And the person lives, like a crypt, in which a "ghost" is enclosed. He feels that he does not live his life, but he can not understand what is the root of the problem.
An example from life
Galina - a constant sense of anxiety for children. The slightest problems cause a presyncope. A woman understands all the stupidity of such an attitude, but nothing can be done about it. Suddenly she finds out that her mother had a younger brother who died at six years of childhood illness. And for the grandmother, and for mother it became tragedy. It becomes clear where the unbelievable anxiety comes from.
Anniversary Syndrome
If you depict your genosociogram - a complete genealogical tree with names, important events and dates (not only births and deaths, but also marriages, admission to higher education, birth of children, illnesses, accidents), then many surprising coincidences will be found. For example, it may turn out that all significant sad events in the family are tied to some time of year (before Easter, after Christmas) or a specific number, say, 12. Or it will be found out that both the son, father and grandfather have a life proceeds according to a similar scenario: the first marriage after the institution - the birth of a daughter - the divorce - the second marriage ... These coincidences are called the "anniversary syndrome". They are explained by genetic memory, an unconscious desire to bind their lives to the biography of a relative who is an authority. The unconscious is so strong that sometimes people just feel that they are "drawn by an invisible force" on this day to do some specific action.
The syndrome of the anniversary can manifest itself in the joyful events: the birth of children, the receipt of prizes, the defense of the thesis. But we usually take such things for granted: here, I take an example from daddy! When a person as if falls into a wheel that revolves in addition to his will, he naturally tries to figure out how to stop it. And the reconstruction of the family past gives a chance for success.
In the same way, apparently, the family and the "birth curse" act on the family. The effect of a strong word, spoken at the peak of emotions by an authoritarian figure (head of the genus), leads to repetition of sad events precisely because it unconsciously pushes people to certain actions. Man "must" realize the curse - and he does it even against his will!
An example from life
Tanya is afraid of the date of October 7. At 15 years old, she was injured during the training, because of what she could no longer do gymnastics. On this date, a divorce was arranged with her husband. October 7, Tanya was in an accident. After composing the genosociogram, it turns out that on October 7, Tanya's great-grandmother, on whom she is like, died. "If you believe that wearing a hat in front of you will help win the lottery, it will. Conversely, the expectation of failure on the "fateful day" provokes it, "psychologist Tanin explained to the vulnerability on October 7.
Hunting for secrets
Try to make your genosociogram. By doing this, you will be able to learn the secrets that are secretly passed down from generation to generation, clarify your actions and, most importantly, change your life. After the identification of links and their "decoding" will manage them! You can build a project of your own life at your own will, and not at the behest of long-deceased relatives.
Where to begin? From the stories of mom and dad, grandparents. Write down their testimonies and then analyze. Of course, ideally to reconstruct the past to the seventh-ninth of the tribe, but such a task is often unbearable. In clarifying the circumstances of the life of his family, any details will help: evidence of friends and neighbors, meetings and conversations with distant relatives, notarial archives, church books, trips to the homeland of ancestors. Secret meaning can hide in any small things: notes, dedications, signatures under the photo. Draw a genealogical tree and make all the important events, and then compare it with the present, with the problems that you and your children have to deal with. Believe me, the solution is close!