TV stories about cases of physical violence in the family appear on the air almost daily. But you say that this kind of cruelty is not the most common ... Family strikes are only a visible part of this iceberg. For others, other forms of cruel treatment between spouses remain unnoticed, which many, especially those from whom it comes, are not considered violence at all. Psychological violence is a blow that leaves no trace, this silence instead of words, contempt instead of attention. Is it possible to calculate how many women and men today suffer from the humiliating remarks of their partners, aggressive attacks, screams, slamming doors, neglect, emotional blackmail? .. And if open physical violence outrages us, we realize that it is contrary to normal relations, then the psychological violence today can be found in so many "normal" families. In my psychotherapeutic practice, I often come across situations where people do not even understand that they are violent, so it has become a habit. But such a model of behavior is very often really absorbed from childhood, from the parent family ...
Yes, many really inherit this style of behavior: we learn to build our relationships according to the models of our parents who, in turn, learned from their models and so on. In addition, if a child was ill-treated in childhood, ignored his needs as a person, then it will be very difficult for him to choose another form of communication with relatives, since he simply does not know others. But all this does not justify, neither the cruelty, nor the suffering that they inflict on another person. Violence can not be tolerated either in others or in oneself. To break such a chain of continuity is the task of psychotherapeutic work.
It is generally believed that the victim of violence in a couple is always a woman ... I risk to surprise you, but in many families there is also the other way around. Is it rare - women's ridicule, abuse, insults, disregard for the partner? If in the most obvious cases of physical cruelty, of course, men predominate (like physically stronger ones), then in matters of psychological violence some women are not inferior to the stronger sex. Let's note, the theme of female psychological violence is not new: it is enough to recall "The Tale of a Fisherman and a Fish" ... Is it not becoming less with the change of generations and the appearance of all new models of a couple of everyday violence in the family? There are changes, but, in my opinion, not too significant. In fact, people have always balanced between the two poles of human relations - love and power: the closer to the pole of power, the more pronounced in the relationship of violence, the closer to the pole of love, so WE is freer from it. And, unfortunately, partner and married couples, in which everyday violence is completely absent, today, alas, is an exception. Violence will not happen if each partner sees in another person, not his property. In order to really change the situation, it is important for us to understand all forms of violent relationships that we apply to each other, including, without realizing it. But maybe the most effective solution to the problem is to part with a cruel partner? If we are talking about beatings or other extremes - certainly yes. This situation is never corrected by itself, and dialogue in it is often impossible. The gap is the most lucid way to explain that another does not like such a relationship, and he does not intend to put up with them. Even if such a step is not easy to make - there are common children, material circumstances, etc. On the other hand, the gap may not solve the problem of violence even in a particular concrete life: for example, if a woman gets divorced because of beatings, there is no guarantee that in its subsequent relationships, everything will not happen again. Because in any relationship, always two people participate, that is, each of the partners bears for them their share of responsibility. And it must be realized that in the future it will be freed from such a violent model of relations. And of course, do not hesitate to seek help from a psychologist or family psychotherapist. Regardless of whether you are going to disperse or reconcile, it will just help you survive.