Scientists have not ceased to build various conjectures about the birth of twins. To the theory of genetics, new versions are added every day. It is believed that the age, diet and even the growth of a future mother affect the birth of twins. It is interesting that the relationship between twins can be traced back in the womb, which means that the method of their education also needs to be worked out in good time. How does the character of twins who grew up in one family form? And how can you positively affect this process? ..
Twins at all times were considered unusual children. Their peculiarity lies in the fact that from their very birth a completely unique relationship develops between them. Every day, looking at myself in a brother or sister, like in a mirror, never parting for a minute, the kids begin to feel themselves as half of a whole. They grow together, play, learn from each other, behave identically, even experience and feel like. Psychologists note that sometimes twins can see almost the same dreams and even own telepathy.
But, it happens that parents, fascinated by the idea of such closeness of children, provide the twins to themselves. After all, a sweet couple will never get bored - will necessarily come up with some sort of occupation. This is so, and nevertheless, in order for the kids to learn to treat each other correctly - to appreciate support, understanding, love - and at the same time they do not become too dependent on each other, they need the help and attention of their parents. Yes, to allocate time in an endless series of domestic affairs for the educational process - the task is not easy. And still it is necessary to try.
Course on individuality
Sometimes parents can not even guess how much the twins that grew up in the same family depend on each other.
"I went to work six months after the birth of Andrew and Stepan," says Elena, the mother of the twin boys. - It was necessary to earn money, and I took care of all the children to the nurse. It seemed to me that she coped well with the education of my kids: often in the evenings the boys boasted to me about their achievements. They showed drawings, read, told fairy tales, sang songs. Unfortunately, I did not focus on what Andrei is reading and telling me, but he thinks Stepka. When we decided before enrolling in the school to enroll in the preparatory courses, it turned out that Andrei did not understand the bill at all, and Stepan only knows how to add syllables from those letters that Andryushka famously tells him. I had to hire a new nanny, who now dealt with each twin separately according to his needs. " Specialists note that such a distribution of roles is not uncommon in a twin pair. What works well for one does not necessarily have the other, because kids are always at the disposal of each other. As a result, the pair is perfectly adapted when the twins are together, but each of them can experience considerable difficulties separately. To avoid this, from the earliest childhood, try to instill in each of the twins the desire to develop their own character. Be yourself, not just one of the two.
A dual alliance.
Twins usually do not like to take strangers into their cozy and comfortable microcosm: really, why look for friends when such an understanding and close person is near? However, in adulthood, twins will have to communicate with different people, and the basics of this communication - the ability to make friends, seek compromises and conclude a truce - must be learned as soon as possible. In addition, communication with friends is very useful for the development of adequate self-esteem. After all, each of the twins must have the respect of not only their "blood" friend, but also just a comrade in games or study. Therefore, as soon as possible, until the twins are locked in only one another's society, try to introduce them to other children. Encourage everyone's attempts to make friends or invite friends to invite one of the twins to visit. And let the other child spend the whole evening with you.
Nonideal brotherhood
Despite the attachment, there is often rivalry between twins.
"Anya and Vika, usually so sweet and obedient, suddenly began to organize real wars," Svetlana, the mother of five-year-old twin girls, says. "We just have to turn away, how quarrels break out immediately." They swear because of every little thing: who will go by bus at the window, who will get a piece of cake with a slice of orange, with whom beside sit at dinner grandmother. And once they made a scandal, figuring out which of them had more cherries on their aprons. I'm just scared of their character! I do not know how to reconcile them. "
The most common cause of such conflicts are the age-old competition and jealousy. As a rule, twins tend to find out who is the best and the main couple. But enmity will gradually come to naught, when the kids finally share the roles. One of the twins will take the position of the leader, the other - the slave. And this is normal. Psychologists believe that such a "separation of posts" in the nature of twins who grew up in the same family occurs in 80% of cases. Most often this corresponds to the temperament of each twin, and does not lead to the suppression of some fundamentally important qualities or to one-sided development of the personality of one of them.
Well, while the kids are at war - have patience. Do not pay attention to everyday fights between them and do not interfere without a good reason. And, of course, do not forget to remind the children what a great luck it is to have a friend, a person who has been with you since birth, loves and understands you like no other.
Features of double education.
There is only one way to learn about the problems or interests of the child - to talk with him. Show attention to each of the twins (and not to both!).
Twins need their own, only they belong to things. Everyone should have their own place in the house, their things (a crib, a table, a chair, etc.), their own clothes. And, of course, his own box with toys is personal property, which he may not share with his neighbor.
Help the children build an independent mental image of themselves. Let everyone have their own memories, their opinions, their dreams. To do this, they can be temporarily divided: for example, with one of them go to the circus, and with another - to a football match. One take away on the weekend to my grandmother, and with the other stay at home. You can offer to read to them different books, and then discuss what each of the kids thinks about the story. And, of course, when talking with children, try to gradually teach them to think that not always at the right time a sibling may be near.
Gemini, in contrast to solitary brothers and sisters, can and should even be compared with each other. But not for the purpose of adjusting one to another, but in order to once again emphasize the personal characteristics of the child. For example, say: "Masha paints beautifully, but Vika sings remarkably well."
Call each of the twins by name, and not just "children." If you want something to ask the kids, give them individual tasks, for which everyone would feel personal responsibility and could tell you: "I did" - and not: "We did." For example, let one of the kids vacuum the floor, and another will remove the toys (and not together they will do one thing first, and then another).
OPINION EXPERT:
Anna CHELNOKOVA, teacher
If the children's level of abilities and character are similar, and at the same time parents from the earliest age develop the independence and individuality of the twins, then, of course, there will be nothing wrong with the fact that children will learn in one collective: first in kindergarten, then in school. Just discuss with the teacher so that he continues the course of separating the kids. Of course, children should not sit at one desk, perform one task for two and duplicate each other at events. But if the twins are too dependent on each other or one of the children is an obvious leader, and the other is completely subordinate to him, it makes sense to think about the division. This will be useful for the leader and the wingman. The child-"subordinate" will become more independent (after all, an advanced fellow is far away, there is no one to hope for, we must act on our own). A child-leader will stop pressing on his sister or brother, learn to be more tolerant of others (it is not so easy to lead others as his twin). At the same time, it must be borne in mind that too-forced separation of twins can be a stress factor for them and have an adverse effect on the entire further development of the child. Therefore, do not separate the kids for a long time. A couple of hours a day for preschoolers and half a day for schoolchildren is enough to make the twins realize themselves as individuals and have the opportunity to communicate with each other.