Stay alive
Olga met Vlad at the Moscow Film Festival. He was her ideal (perfect half)! The list of his life preferences coincided with her 100%: poetry, veganism, freethinking ... They always had something to talk about, pauses in the dialogue pauses filled with romantic looks and friendly smiles. But the rainbow picture was replaced by the gray monochrome everyday life already very soon. She could not even explain to herself what was going on. He never raised his hand and did not offend her, but his subtle attacks, constant ridicule, pods, insulting jokes, sarcastic remarks began to drive her insane. But psychologists have explanations for what is happening: they call such manifestations emotional violence, and it is spread in pairs much more often than it is customary to think.
He is the accuser
In his failures and failures, someone else is always guilty. He will blame you for breaking the TV and because you made his life unbearable. Finding out such a "buckwheat" in the beginning of a relationship can be difficult. But it will manifest indirectly, for example, in the following phrase: "You are not like the bitch that I met before you."
It breaks where it is thin
Emotional violence can be so subtle that it can not be recognized immediately. But many psychologists tend to blame both sides for the reasons for the conflict. The lack of clear agreements and boundaries in family relations and, as a result, the mass of unjustified mutual expectations and related grievances are the shaky foundation on which relations are often destroyed. For women, it is important to identify the signs of emotional intruders so as not to fall victim to them.
He is offended
People like him can not reconcile themselves to the fact that life is cruel and unjust. Their indignation is a self-defense mechanism that disguises fear of failure. For example, if he did not get this wonderful job, that TV, or you denied him sex last night. By the way! In France, the law prosecutes psychological violence between spouses and couples living together for a long time.
He considers himself entitled to engage in the lives of others
If life is so difficult and unjust, then he considers himself entitled to establish other rules, and any disagreement with them is imputed to you. Let him be close, and he will feel entitled to offend you if you let him set this rule. Any non-submission will be seen as a personal insult. For this, you are threatened with punishment in the form of endless claims.
He's sarcastic
This kind of humor was invented in order to make someone feel bad. In the end, you become its chain. Usually a guy of this type begins his humorous performances in the presence of a large number of people, he is important to the public, who will appreciate his sarcasm. But the victim of his jokes is always close or weak people who can not repay him with the same coin. Reeducate it is impossible, and punish too.
Emergency exit
How to build a relationship with an emotional rapist, or the only way out of the situation will be parting? When romance and love are mixed with fear, the union becomes dangerous. The fact is that in our bodies "chemicals" are hiding, which "shoot" at physical contact, forcing us to literally grow to the person. So with sex or a simple physical contact with a person who we like, there is an increased production of the neurotransmitter dopamine. In this case, the pulse becomes faster, the blood flow is accelerated. We strive to repeat these feelings, and therefore women who connect love with fear, as a rule, choose men who can harm them. The strategy of subordination and conciliation, which is more often demonstrated by women than men, does not at all contribute to the preservation of marriage in the long term. But fighting with a husband or wife is only a way to increase conflict and manifest one's own violence towards a loved one. Therefore, first of all you need to sit down and calmly talk, discuss what does not suit you in your life together. Agree on the division of the budget, responsibilities, the personal space of each. And of course, it is necessary to say about your feelings and about how you are affected by the current situation. Sometimes a man starts screaming or insulting his wife because of troubles at work, problems with friends, subconsciously believing that a close person will not go anywhere and will not leave, so you can do anything with him, like with the thing you bought in the store. Prove to the husband that this is not the case, and if the situation is often heated, you will move to another apartment for a while, to your mother, or to a friend, for example. Let him think again and see that not only he is in control of the situation. If a person listens to the reactions and words of a loved one, he is able to correct his behavior. If he ignores this, then it makes sense to distance himself from it for his own safety and self-preservation.