What is the meaning of a habit in a child's life?

Noticing the child's bad habit, parents immediately try to fix it. Make comments, explain and ask! Do not repeat this again. Alas, it does not always help. Often what we consider a bad habit is actually an obsession. And from this violation, it's so easy not to get rid of. What is the meaning of a habit in a child's life and how does it affect the baby?

"Stop gnawing the collar. People are already watching. Do you want everyone to laugh at you or do it on purpose to get me jealous? "- for once, the mother of the five-year-old Slava chastises. "I do not want to," shakes his head, "and not specifically, I do not touch him at all, he himself somehow gets in my mouth." Mom's annoyance is even greater, but ... the son is right. Everything really happens apart from his will. This is the main difference between obsession and bad habit. If a child does not remove his toys or, conversely, loves that everything is always stacked in boxes, it's a habit (when a person can do otherwise, but prefers it that way). And if he chews his nails, winds his hair, creaks or knocks his teeth, pinches the skin on his hands or feet, bites his lip, and does it all many times - this obsession. He adequately refers to the remarks and even he himself understands that it is not necessary to do so, but still does and does not control the moment when he starts. Obsessive actions (compulsions) can be very diverse. Five-year-old Lena could not resist if she saw a plant nearby: she would take a piece of paper, put it in her pocket and, without taking out her hands, would tear it into small-small parts. Prohibitions, beliefs that plants should be loved and protected, did not work. Then my grandmother decided to change her tactics and, seeing once again the small green remains, exclaimed with horror: "Did you - tear this flower? But it's poisonous, and now you can get sick! Many plants are dangerous to health! ". The method worked - Lena was frightened and even cried. She stopped picking flowers, but she began to pick her nose. A special case of obsessions is nervous tics. They are motor - associated with involuntary contraction of the muscles of the face, limbs (blinking, twitching cheeks, flinching, shrugging) and vocal (coughing, sniffing, sniffing). Tiki practically disappear, if the child is engaged in some interesting, fascinating activity, and resume when the child becomes bored or at the time of unpleasant experiences. These tics are different from convulsive muscle contractions in neurological diseases.

How did it all start?

Usually parents can not answer this question. No noticeable stress. There were family problems - also a whole year passed. But the events of old and seemingly well-lived experiences can become the cause of obsessions. Children often do not have the opportunity to respond to stress, adults tend to think: "A little one still does not understand anything. And do not really care about restoring peace of mind. "We had a very difficult divorce. He was preceded by treason, quarrels, leaving home and even assault. And we decided: let the daughter stay with her grandmother until we figure it out. She left for six months. Since then, I have a feeling that something in her throat is stuck, she often makes a sound like it's been choking. The survey showed that everything is in order, but these sounds continue. " Children are very sensitive to the emotions of adults and to what happens in the family. Even if the parents do not quarrel at all ("Go away, then we'll talk"), the children still feel that something is wrong. Anxiety of a young child in this case is incomparable. For him, the world collapses when he experiences negative changes. Of course, if at this time to take him in his arms, caress, talk and convince that everything will be fine, then the stress will not be so difficult to endure. But it is at this time that adults are not at all up to the children. And then the child may have tics - as a subconscious desire to attract attention and need to speak out. They can safely pass as soon as the situation is normal, but they can stay for many years. "Start" obsessions can not only happen in the family. Too strict a kindergarten teacher, a long illness, a trauma, situations that caused fear in the street, during large gatherings of people at recreational activities. "As a child, I was stuck in an elevator. I remember, was terribly frightened - especially as my mother did not allow one to enter the elevator. For a time he stood numb, then began to put pressure on all the buttons, then - to jump. At this very moment the elevator went. And for a long time, if something was causing me fear in difficult situations, I quietly jumped up or stood on tiptoe, even at school. I knew it was stupid, but I could not get over it. Until I jump - I will not calm down. " Such obsessions - in the form of rituals - usually occur later, from about 6 years. From ticks they are distinguished by a greater "consciousness", a justification. But both have one cause - internal anxiety, tension.

Additional problems

As a rule, the problem is not limited to obsessive actions. Parents notice other undesirable manifestations. For example, problems with sleep. The child can not sleep for a long time, wakes up in the middle of the night, can get up very early, and then all the day feels sluggish. And with him and the whole family - after all, the dream of the baby becomes a universal problem. Another problem for children with obsessions is a changeable mood. Whims without an excuse, irritability, tearfulness in such children are very often and also attract the attention of parents and teachers. In addition, fears and generally fearfulness. The child is very wary of the world in general, as if waiting for the bad, he has no inherent nonchalance. Externally, children with obsessions can look quite healthy, but they are prone to dizziness, do not tolerate transportation, stuffiness, weary from both monotonous activities and bright shows. Often they are impressionable and have a vivid imagination.

Risk group

Most children live in approximately equal conditions. Everyone hears the same information, everyone experiences not only good periods in the life of their parents. But obsessions do not all arise. Moreover, even after experiencing the same stress, being in one traumatic situation, children will react in a peculiar way: one will forget in a month, and for another there will be a constant source of anxiety and obsessive behavioral actions. What affects this? First, the features of temperament and character. A child with a weak type of nervous system has a lower threshold of sensitivity - for example, it is more affected by noise, bright light, loud voices. Such children continue to be more vulnerable. Secondly, heredity is of great importance. Almost always, at least one parent can recall that he himself experienced something like that in childhood, he was obsessed with obsessions. We, in one way or another, inherit the characteristics of the nervous system of parents. But parents can unconsciously transfer their fears to children. For example, mother, experiencing anxiety in confined spaces, unconsciously tightens the baby's hand when he enters the elevator. She rubs one hand with the other (also unconsciously), tensely looks at the cabin doors until they open. She does not need to say that she is afraid - at any age the crumb will very quickly understand this without words. The third factor in the development of obsessions is the characteristics of upbringing and, in general, the family situation. And in the risk group, both those who lack attention (hypoopeak), and those to whom the parents literally do not give a chance to breathe independently. The cool atmosphere of the family, where there seems to be attention, but still lacks sincere warm feelings, is also dangerous. "Yes, we do not raise our voices on it, what stresses can be," parents say, not knowing that this is probably the greatest stress. To feel loved, we need to see immediate interest. Formal attention is disturbing, it gives rise to a sense of compulsion, a lack of love. And, finally, the last factor (in order, but not in significance) is negative events. Even a strong child by the type of nervous system can get injured as a result of considerable stress.

Help

Often parents themselves directly compulsive action is considered a problem and they struggle with it. And this is a big mistake. It is necessary to think about the state of the child as a whole, exclude provoking factors, normalize his life. Although the work begins with a visit to the neurologist: sometimes obsessive actions can be a sign of the disease, it can be determined only by a doctor. Your irritability, negative attitude will only exacerbate the problem. "Yes, how many can! Forces to look at it is not! "- hold back if you want to say something like that, and if you really feel that you are irritated, leave the room and do not look (do not listen). If a child at such an age that he himself can critically treat his behavior, then do not use it (shame, convince that "people are watching"). On the contrary - convince that there is nothing terrible in this, that people have very different problems. This will not increase the manifestations of obsessive actions, but, on the contrary, will reduce. After all, sometimes to obsessions (mostly ticks), fear of waiting ("How would I not start doing this in a kindergarten, on the street") is disturbing and causing a new wave of tics. A vicious circle is formed. An indispensable condition for healing is communication with the child. Pay attention to him in any way: play games together, involve in household chores, draw, read, play outdoors in catch-up, just sit next to each other when you watch TV. It's so simple, but often this kind of psychotherapy is the most effective.

Keep in mind that boys are more anxious and often suffer obsessions (about 3 times) than girls, although it may seem that everything is quite the opposite. Just girls often express their anxieties, fears, cry more often, and boys are more secretive since childhood. So the boys need all these "tenderness" not less - to convince them to end the tics with will power ("You're a man!") Still will not work. Useful and special activities. For example, joint drawing with parents, with other children will promote the development of communication skills, reduce fear in communication. Or the composition of fairy tales, when the child continues the story begun by you, expressing his thoughts in it. If the tale turns out to be very gloomy, you tell him your version, where, of course, everything ended well. Well helps sports and general motor activity in any form. Even if you just play snowballs or arrange battles with pillows, this has a very positive effect on the emotional state - helps to relieve tension, increases self-confidence. "Real" sports - swimming, athletics, figure skating and so on - are perceived by children in different ways (depends on the coach and on the degree of the loads), so it is strictly individual to choose. And, of course, the main thing is a family atmosphere. The more joy, positive emotions, support and lively human participation each other have in the house, the more likely that the child will be healthy and mentally stable.