Still Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, wrote that when choosing a sexual object, the energy (libido) shifts from the very first objects of love-the parents-on the partner. And consequently, a man is looking for a friend who looks like his mother, and the girl is looking for a dad. The theory is interesting, but 100% unconfirmed. After all, the word "similar" is very vague. What exactly should a partner look like at mom-dad and how much? To determine this, it is necessary to conduct a lot of complex research. And people sometimes look at each other and understand - this is fate. Let's try to figure out how the girls are looking for the groom, how they make their choice and how to keep the chosen one? Let's consider the main female strategies for attracting a partner. To do this, we turn to the famous fairy-tale characters: girls who did not have all the merits at once, but nevertheless received the cherished ring on the finger.
The Cinderella model.
In this story it is shown how important it is to arouse the interest of a man and not to let this interest immediately be satisfied. This fairy tale is a science for those young ladies who already at the first meeting are ready, as in an anecdote, to "tell everything and show everything". And this is not always necessary!
The main character - Cinderella - is poor, subjected to physical and emotional violence. That's why it's so important for her to break out of those monstrous conditions in which she lives.
Alina came to the capital from a small provincial town. The father drank, the family lived in poverty and constant tension. Alina understood that the only opportunity to change her life was connected with a successful marriage. She had no fairy godmother, so she had to try herself. Alina studied well at school and entered the university for a free department. For two years of study I was convinced that classmates are not suitable for her. They themselves need financial injections, and Alina barely made ends meet. She lived on a scholarship, worked part-time, studied decently - and watched. After a while, she looked for a man - a bachelor's associate professor from a neighboring faculty, keen on science. He was already over 30, apparently not handsome, but Alina did not embarrass. She learned that he has a whole "kingdom" - a three-room apartment in Minsk. Do not drink, do not smoke, do yoga - than not the prince? However, around the "prince" constantly fluttered colleagues and other students. Then Alina decided to develop a strategy to attract attention. She learned the maximum possible about his habits and hobbies (football, politics, history - almost a standard set). It turned out that he was timid, afraid of girls and always runs away from them in science. Clever Aline of this information was enough to develop an action plan. She found out on what days the "prince" had classes, when he was having lunch, and at the right moment sat down at his table. He was alone, which made the task easier. From Alina's innocent question: "Excuse me, you will not tell me how yesterday" Manchester "?", They went on to discuss politics, and then-and life. A few seconds before the "prince" drank the juice, Alina apologized and flew away. The next time he recognized her, he smiled and stopped. She was charming, talked to him for several minutes and, referring to her employment, again ran away. The Prince began to show interest. A month later they met twice a week, but he knew almost nothing about her. In those days when he had lectures, they dined together. And then Alina ... disappeared for a month. She had a practice, and she barely stood a pause, so she wanted to see him. But I was afraid to spoil everything. The calculation was correct. In addition to the name of her course and faculty, the "prince" knew nothing. And ... he began to look for the girl. And he found, although he did not have either her shoes or mobile phone numbers. Then everything was not the same as in the fairy tale, and Alina had to work hard before the stubborn, shy and old-fashioned "prince" offered her a hand, a heart and a residence permit in the three-room kingdom, but already in the fifth year she sported a ringlet on the ring finger of her right hand.
Although Cinderella is not a pedigree creature, she knows how to arouse deep interest in her person. Someone from the "sinks" to the exterior, someone - to the intellect, someone - to the fact that it is heard and understood. Cinderella's task is to stand out from the crowd, to stir up interest by an unusual behavior or appearance, to demonstrate the prince's unique quality and run away. That the prince God forbid, God did not suspect that Cinderella plaits the net. Everything should look absolutely random. Cinderella is to wake the prince's instinct of a hunter, and if she acts by the rules, after a while the prince himself begins to look for his chosen one.
Cinderella's strategy:
1) Search for the desired object.
2) Demonstration of his uniqueness.
3) Excitement of interest.
4) Disappearance.
5) Permission to find yourself.
6) Wedding, (points 4 and 5 can be repeated several times - the main thing is that the novelty effect does not disappear).
Model "The Frog Princess".
History is instructive for those girls who do not have catchy and obvious virtues. Remember the tale: infantile sons fed up with his father, and he decided to marry them. And since they almost do not care who they marry (which, right, for illegibility!), The father offers each of them to release an arrow. Where she gets - there's a chosen one. The eldest sons got an arrow in the yard to the suitable girls, and the younger ... it's a shame to say ... You do not need to be a psychoanalyst to correlate an arrow with a man's dignity. And then it becomes obvious what is meant by "hit the arrow": even before marriage, the girl demonstrates her opportunities in the sex-erotic sphere.
With the frog, we associate such ideas as "cold", "nasty", "unpleasant." Thus, without having bright external data or, more precisely, being frankly ugly, a frog, nevertheless, finds the right way to win a younger son.
However, in our time this is not enough: the number of divorces and partings grows, and the girl-frog needs not just to catch the condemned, but also to keep him. Therefore, after the marriage (or after the beginning of a joint life) frogs demonstrate a variety of talents. In the fairy tale, the frog is surprised by the high level of development of traditional female skills: the ability to sew, prepare and extract the maximum of merit from its appearance. We will notice, that in a fairy tale the wise frog enlists the support of the most important person for Ivan (her husband) - his father. After all, when a man's social environment admires his chosen one, it strengthens the man's confidence in the correctness of the choice, strengthens his self-esteem, supports her interest. A man is attached to his frog, because it is for him that she tries so hard. And further, when, according to the fairy tale, the frog disappeared, Ivan quickly senses the difference between "life with ..." and "life without ...".
Maxim and Nastya met for several years. Maxim is an eccentric, selfish, picturesque-beautiful man who is in constant search of himself. Nastya is an ordinary girl, not a beauty. She has a charming figure, wonderful hair, but otherwise she is far from model ideals. Especially when is next to the handsome Maxim. Maxim, without hesitation, periodically informed Nastya that they were not a couple, because he was just an ideal man, and Nastya-if not a toad, then certainly he was uneven. Nastya was patiently enduring all this. She faithfully took care of Maxim, cooked him food, listened to all his stories and never took offense at his sarcasm about her appearance. But what happened was unforeseen - Max wanted to shoot with his arrows, and he sent his arrow, and this arrow flew ... let's say so - into the courtyard of the girl Diana. And Maxim Nasta informed that he met another beautiful girl, and changed Nastya with her. She stood it. But when he seriously suggested that they live together, Nastya left - calmly and with dignity. They did not meet and did not return for three months. So long lasted the short-lived happiness of Maxim with the beautiful Diana. It turned out that the last capricious, capricious, stubborn and no less selfish than Maxim himself. A month later he began to understand that beauty in the relationship - not the most important thing, and when Diana several times with him quarreled - and even wiser. It turned out that Diana was stupid - after all, she constantly hinted, and even directly informed Maxim of his non-mogul behavior and non-salary earnings. Of course, she had neither Nastinyh wisdom and patience (she never informed Maxim of impartial truth, smoothing the corners in the relationship), nor her culinary skills and economic skills. After a noisy scandal, Maxim broke with Diana and, as soon as she left him, tried to return to Nastya. But it was not there. Wise Nastya said that she is not ready to continue the relationship in an indefinite old format. In addition, she had a man older and not so handsome (look at the tale - a character Koschey, he's a competitor). But this man considers Nastya to be beautiful, prays to her and is ready to marry now. With him, she feels peace and confidence. As in the fairy tale, Maxim had to fight for Nastya. After all, it's one thing - when it's your personal "frog in a box", another - when she was cut off by some Koschey. The competition, in which Maxim joined, gave him a sense of the value and importance of the girl. And all friends, relatives, relatives, parents, twisting their fingers at the temple about the actions of Maxim, also made their contribution.
In general, after all the proceedings, there was a happy end. Maxim managed to return Nastia (she, of course, did not really oppose), Nastya - to force herself to respect. At the wedding, Nastya was lovely, like all brides, next to her divinely beautiful husband. There's a toad for you.
So, for the frog, the appearance is not the most important thing. Her talent is in the other.
Strategy of the Frog Princess:
1) Rapid attack on a suitable object.
2) The conquest of his place near the man.
3) Formation of a man's dependence.
4) Conquering the sympathy of his social environment by demonstrating his merits.
5) Disappearance in response to aggressive or depreciating actions, but only after the 3rd item.
6) Excitement of competition in the elect with a real or virtual Other.
7) The permission to win yourself as a worthy prize.
8) Wedding.
Model "Sleeping Beauty".
The story is especially interesting for those girls who, for whatever reasons, "missed" the golden time, when all their peers are married, and now they come to their senses and are looking for the prince.
From the tale it is known that a girl who reached maturity, pricked with a spindle (again symbolism, if it is not successful). After that she fell asleep. The man who found her was by nature a seeker, a natural scientist, a trailblazer. He had to break through thick thickets (it is clear to us what this is about), to find the princess, to kiss and awaken her. But as soon as the princess wakes up, all her surroundings wake up immediately. The Prince-Liberator under arms or hand white - and to a wreath! Kissed? Everyone saw! And whos there spindle princess 100 years ago, pricked, no one even remembers, things are long gone days ... But you yourself through the thicket scraped - then, as a decent man, I must marry!
Marina "slept" until she was 27 years old. That is, I was sleeping conditionally. More precisely, walked. One relationship is six months, the other two months. Not one spindle Marinochku pricked. But my parents thought that my daughter was very respectable. Just sometimes she lives with her friends, sometimes she goes on business trips. And when my grandmother left the apartment - and in general the problems have disappeared. But when Marina woke up, it turned out that she was alone and no one was in a hurry to marry her. Everything seems to be - a profession, career growth, apartment. Another good guy - so all married, while Marina pondered and touched. And then Marina began to develop a plan. Having met Stepan, a promising young and energetic military man, she was interested in him with her eccentricity, fascinated with femininity. And yet - the story that she is a decent girl and is waiting for her chosen one. For several months, Stepan "tore through the thicket." Having received the coveted prize after all ohov, ahov and tears of Marina, I went with her the next day to the registrar. But somehow I doubted ... That everything was fine, Marinochka lied - after 3 weeks said that they would soon become happy parents. In fact, the child was not in sight, but Marina and her parents created the necessary entourage. Within a few days Stepan became a husband. And after a while "there was a miscarriage" ... Children they have appeared not soon, but the marriage is stable. Marina now really "woke up" - both as a woman, and as a wife and mother. It's a pity that the marriage started with deception, but Stepan does not know about it happily.
Sleeping Beauty Strategy:
1) Unsuccessful sexual experience, which "freezes" it, or complete lack of attraction to a partner due to physiological or psychological immaturity.
2) Awareness of the need to find a marriage partner.
3) "Luring" its necessity to overcome and conquer. 4) Allowing a partner to "wake up" himself (kiss or "prick with a spindle" - everything is about the same thing).
5) Giving the groom status of a unique rescuer.
6) Creating conditions that make marriage obligatory "rescuer" with Sleeping Beauty.
7) Wedding.
Three described fairy tales show how important a flexible combination of strategies and tactics in the search, selection, attraction and retention of the groom. Having passed various "social-psychological filters", the potential marriage partner either demonstrates its suitability, or finds itself in a garbage basket.
So, what is important to remember a girl who chooses not a boy, but her husband?
First, make the right choice first. This is the most difficult part, because it requires both self-understanding and conducting a good "rapid diagnosis" of the partner's characteristics.
Secondly, realize that any plan will require strength and energy, that take-offs are replaced by falls. The fish sometimes slips off the hook near the shore, but this is no reason not to go fishing anymore.
Third, analyze and understand which combination of elements will be most effective. If the partner aspires to comfort and peace, you need to demonstrate your ability to create them. If it is important for him to be a conqueror and to fight, let him participate in the competition, where you are the main prize. If he wants
be a lifesaver - give him the opportunity to save you: from flu, drowning in the bathroom, rain ...
Strategies can change-we change, too. Someone considers himself a toad, and the chosen one sees Cinderella in it. Then you need to breathe and remember that, as Shakespeare wrote, "the whole world is a theater" ... And play something that is so important for your main viewer.
PS All vyshenapisannoe does not cancel for every girl and woman the need to work on themselves and try minimally use manipulation in their family life. Just love the person you have so hard to find and conquer. But he does not need to know about it. Let him think that he chose you and conquered. Because he is a man, and for him it is important.