Despite the fact that this problem is constantly discussed by teachers, psychologists and sociologists, there is no single general solution suitable for each specific family. However, from the lips of people facing the upbringing of a child without a father, you often hear two absolutely opposite postulates.
Persuasion is the first - "Children need a father, because without him they will grow inferior"
By and large, common sense is there, however, considering specific cases when a child lives with his own, but actually a different father, you are horrified by the scale of the consequences of following such a principle. Some families resemble, rather, the communal apartment by the uncomfortable neighbors, while at the same time motivating the rejection of divorce by the need to live together because of the children. Looking at such a bleak picture, you wonder whether a child needs a father who does not love either his mother or himself. What is the father of the parent, at best indifferent to the cares and problems of the child and his mother, and at worst insulting her or even raising her hand to the child's imagination? From the company of such a "dad", the children themselves suffer first of all, and the mother, following the principle of "baby niggard", condemns herself to a prolonged and bleak existence with a hateful spouse. Then why should not an old woman give up the opportunity to find her happiness and share it with her child? Sometimes it is better to abandon a bad father, endangering the safety and normal development of children.
The other extreme of the same conviction is the situation when a woman, having exhausted her patience and resolving a divorce, suddenly marries the first person to meet, without thinking that a new stepfather may be worse than her ex-husband. You should not hurry, even thinking of children, choose first of all your husband yourself, because, loving you and your children, he will be a wonderful father to them.
Persuasion of the second - "Mother is capable of replacing the father's child"
Eternal, artificially created enmity between the sexes led to the emergence of feminist views in society, and the postulate sounded above was probably invented by women who share them. However, such a desire to show independence and to leave the last word for themselves in the dispute about the upbringing of children, plunges a woman into captivity of a few serious errors.
First . A child, regardless of gender, develops in more favorable conditions, when both parents raise his upbringing. The arguments that a boy is necessarily a nerd, and a girl can do without, can not stand any criticism. So, grown only with the mother of a girl in the future will have problems in dealing with the strongest field. Men will long be incomprehensible and even frightening for her, which can lead to inadequate reactions to their actions.
Secondly. Children from birth should see the love parents directed at each other, not their quarrels. What the child sees as a child, later onpereneset in his own family. If a woman who alone teaches men only contempt and anger, this will undoubtedly affect the relationship of the grown up child to the people of the opposite sex: the girl will simply copy this hatred towards men, and the boy will either extrapolate the words of the mother to his life and behave like "Dog and bastard", or, conversely, will seek to keep distance between themselves and women.
Third . Most of the problems that arise when raising a child by a single mother come to the surface after reaching the age of majority. Growing up without a father, they initially do not see themselves as members of a complete family. The consequences of such a mental program for grown-up children can be very difficult. The young man, who by carelessness became the father of the child, will easily abandon the pregnant girl, because mother in childhood inspired him that the father for education is not really needed. Similarly, a girl who is confident that she can replace her father's child, is accepted for education in selflessness.
Recently, quite a lot of single women aged 30-35 years, desperate to find a husband, decide to get pregnant from an anonymous donor and give birth to a child without a father. At this step, women are often pushed by their deep unresolved mental problems, which they hope to solve at the expense of the child.
Firstly, suchwomen want to get rid of the silent reproach of those around them: the years go by, and the children will rise. Having decided on artificial insemination, they believe that the community will renounce respect for respect, while completely ignoring the interests of the future baby.
Secondly, the lack of a regular person or a permanent partner at this age indicates that such women just do not know how to get acquainted with men, or, what is more important, for a long time to maintain relations with them. The inability to understand the opposite pole leads to the fact that women repel all potential candidates for marriage, and as a result believes that the way out is in the artificially conceived child. Therefore, instead of covering up the child with their own problems, it is better to turn to a psychoanalyst and subsequently happily marry.
Thirdly, the delivered career often goes against the successful personal life of a woman, especially if the main feature of her character is the desire to command and control. The rejection of any objections and opinions contrary to one's own may be useful in the business sphere, however, in a personal relationship a rare man will suffer such a partner. Since there is no one to command the house, such a woman decides to have a child for this purpose in order to educate him in strictness and in accordance with his ideals, and one of the fastest and most convenient ways, the more supportive of her desire for independence, is to visit the banksmen.
What the truth really does is difficult to understand, however, some general laws can still be singled out.
Firstly, if the father is capable of inflicting moral or physical harm to the child, then it is not worthwhile for not holding on.
Secondly, the choice of the first candidate for stepfathers is not the best option for the child.
Thirdly, it is better to wait for a happy marriage in 40 years and give birth to a husband than to hurry to solve your problems at the expense of the child.
Fourth, it is necessary to learn to understand the strong sex, so as not to deprive the happiness of a full-fledged family, neither himself, nor future children.
These tips are certainly good, but if your child is already without a father, then first of all, do not concentrate on him all your attention. Try to continue to take an active position in society, be cheerful, without lowering your hands, creating your own happiness. For children, the ideal example will be happy parents, than angry at the whole white world, and when you find a man who will be well and calm with you, who will be your future spouse, the child will easily accept him as a father and receive a wonderful upbringing in a full-fledged family.